Happy Christmas Eve everyone! It's now 5:30 and people should be coming over any second. You know Christmas is the only holiday where the day before it is celebrated too? Well us SNLers have been cooking and baking our buts off for this Christmas Eve Party and everyone who's anyone is going, including Paul (YAY). My Strokes are even coming too! They weren't at first because they usually bro-fest it up but apparently last year they didn't and the year before that their bro-fest sucked so they're all coming here. We've got a multitude of activities for tonight, theres the hiding of the Christmas Presents (everyone gets a riddle {Taran and Keenan were in charge of this so watch out} and that riddle leads them to their presents, I'll post mine later). Although the very cool thing is that the hiding of presents is that it's not just on the SNL floors but in the whole NBC Building. Then there's cookie decorating (run by Abby and Bill) and there's a professional face painter there and an airbrush artist. Also we have a wine tasting going on (run by Andy and Jay), video games are being monitored by Jason and Bobby, and the ugliest Christmas Sweater contest is being overseen by Vanessa and Fred. As for food goes, Appetizers is run by Nasim, Soup and Salad is run by Paul (YAY), main course dishes are run by Seth and myself, and the dessert course is run by Kristen. This whole night should run smoothly but knowing our dysfunctional family of freaks something should go wrong. (I say that in the most loving way possible...)
It's now 2:34AM and the party was AMAZING. So many people showed up it was incredible. Guest list wise there were definitely more than 100 people. To name a few, all SNL cast members from present and past, all of The Strokes, all of the All-American Rejects (more on that later), all from Late Night past and present, everyone from the Office was there (even Steve Carell!!), everyone from 30 Rock was there, Zach Levi was there from Chuck/Tangled, Lorne Michaels and his wife, and a few people from Parks and Rec. were there too (AMY!). First thing we did was the wine tasting (Andy/Jay) and that went over well because people were a lot more open to some of the other games later on. Then after that we did the ugly sweater contest, it was very close between Aziz Ansari and Jack McBrayer but Aziz claimed the title. Then we had time to chat and decorate cookies and get our face painted and what not. I mainly hung around a few groups of people. One group constituted of: Jimmy, Parns, Andy, Matt (Damon), Akiva, Amy, Tina, Seth, Jason and Alec then I would move over to my Julian, Nick V., Nick W., Tyson, Chris, Mike, Nikolai, Fab, and Albert, and then another group of: Kristen, Fred, Nasim, Abby, Taran, Bill, Bobby, Jack, Michael (Cera), Vanessa, Paul, and Jorma and then the rest of people were floating around places. I'll label them adults, bands, and kids. I definitely had the most laughs with adults, had the greatest time with bands and had a snorting fest with kids (from laughter...).:
ALEC
(on the topic of Kwanzaa) I just don't see the purpose in the second A it's not even African, that's HAWAIIAN!
AKIVA
Wait is it actually Hawaiian? Like is that an actual fact?
JIMMY
Yeah, that's why Kristen's Hawaiian.
AMY
Kristen is not Hawaiian.
TINA
Her last name is Wiig...it's possible...
AMY
(laughing) Oh then of course she is!
ANDY
(giving her a sarcastic dirty look)Yeah Amy get your shit together.
PARNS
Aaaaaand back to the topic of Kwanzaa, doesn't anyone even celebrate it anymore?
SETH
I don't know why don't you ask the black person of the circle.
CHRISTINA
Holy shit we are all secretly racist.
JASON
(laughing) Maybe we should invited Keenan over? Just to get the eyes off us?
TINA
Those eyes are for my sexy ass gentlemen, check it out...! (she turns around and all the men clap)
ALEC
Congratulations Lemon, you've got me clapping for your voluptuous baddonk-a-donk.
SETH
(laughing) Oh I love 30 Rock. Chris, how did you get on that show by the way?
PARNS
Looked like Tina that's how.
CHRISTINA
Hey Tina you know what I just realized.
TINA
That we're equally sexy?
CHRISTINA
HA HA HA, no you're way sexier than me but...we have the same name.
TINA
Oh wow...I didn't even realize that.
ANDY
(mock excitement) Hey Keev you know what I just realized?!
AKIVA
What's the Andy?!
ANDY
If you take Chris and Tina you get Christina!
JASON
What the-
JIMMY
Shit just hit the fucking fan.
AMY
My mind...is gone...
SETH
Nothing makes sense anymore!!!!!!!!
CHRISTINA
I'm..I'm gonna go cool off my head...it hurts... (walks away to the bands group)
~minutes later~
MIKE
(on the topic of talking animals) Yeah but it's for the kids so it's cute.
NICK V.
Yeah but when you have to go watch it with a bunch of kids-
CHRISTINA
When have you ever had to go watch a movie with kids by force??
TYSON
Hey, shit happens.
CHRISTINA
(laughing) Yes indeed. (hey, it's me, so about the whole "shit happens" thing, when Tyson and I were shopping the other day I was talking about how I want to have a senior quote in my yearbook that was Shit Happens because it basically covers any conversation starter, for example "Oh hey look at what happened to Jim, he had surgery" "Oh well you know, shit happens" etc. etc. "Hey I just had a baby!" "Yeah well, shit happens"...ANYWAYS)
NIKOLAI
You know back in my day-
CHRISTINA AND JULIAN
Hrmpphhff gurggle blech...(yeah thats another thing, {lol inside jokes} whenever someone makes and old person reference or statement Julian and I make old people noises....and onward..)
NIKOLAI
Anyways...when I was a kid- (waiting for JULIAN and CHRISTINA's reaction) I watched Rocky and Bullwinkle and they were talking animals and everything was just A-Okay.
CHRIS
Yeah but when we're talking about those stupid movies like Over the Hedge where it's JUST talking animals.
TYSON
Would you count the Smurfs in that category?
NICK W.
Dude, Smurfs are their own entity, DON'T EVEN.
FAB
Yeah I loved the Smurfs I watched those fuckers like everyday.
NICK V.
Oh I don't doubt the powers of the Smurfs but like it's those movies like Over the Hedge and
ALBERT
March of the Penguins.
CHRIS
Oh don't even get me STARTED on that movie.
MIKE
Oh so I take it you remember when we went to go see that.
CHRIS
Such a douche Mike.
CHRISTINA
Woah woah woah, so far I've known Mike for...3 days, and he's the nicest son of a bitch I've ever met.
JULIAN
Yeah I'd vouch for that, he bought me a coffee the other day.
TYSON
Shit Mike, were you planning on joining the Strokes behind our backs?
MIKE
I had to have closure...
ALBERT
I think he'd make a great addition!
FAB
He made my Mom feel like a woman again, he's the nicest guy I know, three cheers for Mike!
NICK W.
YOU LITTLE BITCH I KNEW IT!
THE STROKES AND CHRISTINA
MIKE! MIKE! MIKE!
CHRISTINA
-Crophone...ha ha I'm cool.
TYSON
Yeah except you actually are.
CHRISTINA
Aren't you adorable, (pinching his cheek) Well I'm off, see you guys later. (she leaves and goes over to kids)
~minutes later~
JACK
(on the topic of New Year's) Well I'll be here...at 30 Rock...
NASIM
Yeah along with the rest of us, thanks to NBC we have no social lives.
BILL
Says the girl who makes-out with everyone at the after parties. (everyone ooooo's but they know BILL is kidding, NASIM makes a pouty face).
MICHAEL
Hey, I wouldn't know I've never been to one. Christina just invited me to this and I thought "Hey, why not".
VANESSA
And aren't you glad you came, this is a great party! Thank you Kristen!
KRISTEN
Oh it was nothing really, it only took me weeks to prepare for...
FRED
Well it looks amazing, like somebody I know (he kisses her on the side of her head and she smiles to herself)
JORMA
I'm excited for your wedding by the way.
FRED
Well you shouldn't be (quickly under his breath) you weren't invited.
JORMA
Well I'm going anyways.
MICHAEL
I was invited either.
KRISTEN
Oh Jorma we were kidding and Michael you are officially invited.
MICHAEL
Where is it? I might be able to go.
ABBY
Vegas.
MICHAEL
My greatest condolences I cannot attend Kristen and Fred.
FRED
(laughing) Damn, you could've take Jorma's seat.
TARAN
Oh speaking of not being able to go I can't...
EVERYONE
WHAT!
TARAN
I know I'm a asshole, but I have no money to get to Vegas there and back.
PAUL
Taran everythings paid for, they're free tickets.
TARAN
Wait, really?
NASIM
Yeah you didn't know that?
TARAN
NO I DIDN'T KNOW THAT What the fuck...
BOBBY
Ha ha ha, just kidding you still have to pay.
TARAN
Oh I fig-
FRED
No he's kidding everything's paid for, come to Vegas!
KRISTEN
Although Christina can't come because she' too young.
JACK
Yeah Christina how old are you?
CHRISTINA AND BILL IN UNISON
Old enough. (looking at eachother in amazement) WOAH. (she laughs and then leaves randomly) Bye...
SETH
Oh I'm sorry did you just take my piece of lamb?!
CHRISTINA
Hey, it's not my fault you're too slow.
SETH
(to JASON and BOBBY) Did you just see what she did there?
JASON
I did indeed, we got a little THIEF on our hands.
BOBBY
A LAMBURGLAR IN OUR MIDST. (CHRISTINA is laughing)
JASON
What're you laughing at LAMBURGLAR.
CHRISTINA
Ah, nothing.
BOBBY
Oh now our lamburglar's a LIAR.
JASON
LYING LAMBURGLAR STRIKES AGAIN. (CHRISTINA is laughing again)
SETH
You could've avoiding all of this if you weren't so greedy.
CHRISTINA
I know I'm just the worst.
BOBBY
SARCASM WILL WIN YOU NO BROWNIE POINTS LYING LAMBURGLAR!!
JASON
We should take her food away.
SETH
Here let me help you with that.
CHRISTINA
(joking) YOU GUYS ARE SUCH BULLIES!
JASON
Wh-what! The LYING LAMBURGLAR calls US bullies??
SETH
I have never seen so much hypocrisy in my life.
CHRISTINA
(fake crying) You guys are being such jerks I don't even want to be on this show anymore! (slamming her plate on the table and stomping off)
JASON
Wait is she being serious?
BOBBY
Oh fuck.
SETH
No... (CHRISTINA is slumped in a corner crying in her hands) God dammit. (SETH puts down his food and runs over to her with JASON, BOBBY is told to man the food lines) Christina we were just joking you know....
JASON
Yeah we didn't actually think you'd take it seriously.
CHRISTINA
It's just that you guys are mean to me all the time and I can't take it!
SETH
Christina we love you, you know that.
JASON
Come on, let's hug it out.
CHRISTINA
(she gets up dramatically and hugs JASON then wiping her eyes she looks at SETH and smiles widely, then bursts out laughing then stops) You guys are so gullible.
SETH
OH YOU BITCH I KNEW IT.
JASON
WHAT!
CHRISTINA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
BOBBY
DID LYING LAMBURGLAR STRIKE AGAIN?!
JASON
Wait, WHAT!?
SETH
You're coming with me. (SETH grabs CHRISTINA by the arm and drags her over to the face painting booth and sits her down on the open chair) Hi, can you draw a heart on her arm and in the middle can you write "Lying Lamburglar"? (CHRISTINA is laughing hysterically)
FACE PAINTING MASTER
Yes of course!
CHRISTINA
Seth you're my besssssst friend...
SETH
Yeah whatever. (he winks and then kisses her on the cheek)
CHRISTINA
I would kiss you back but I'm being painted on at the moment.
SETH
Just because you're the lying lamburglar doesn't mean you have to lie all the time.
CHRISTINA
(she laughs and would argue but decides against it) Okay.
Seth stayed with me the entire time and when I asked why there was a heart and not just Lying Lamburglar he said "because even though you are"And that's what happened. Anyways so after we sent the face painting people away it was time for the hiding of gifts. That part of the game took 45 minutes because NBC has a lot of floors...like a LOT. Once everyone's back, Lorne reads out the clues, my clue to John K. was "In this room they film a show where awkward silences never go, your gift is here where the early morning is never seen and the host is extremely lean". (on Jimmy Fallon's desk). The one I got was "Your gift is located on something that doesn't move but you move on it, sometimes people use it to exercise but your gift is not on something electronic. There are 71 of them in the GE Building! Come find me!". Excited and ready I ran to the elevator and went down to the first floor and prepared myself for the hike of a lifetime. I knew it was on the staircase but I didn't know where so I trekked through all 70 stories until I reached the top and it wasn't there, it wasn't on any of the stairs. Exhausted and frustrated I opened the door to the roof and went outside in the snow. It was freezing but it felt nice against my sweaty body, I walked out and took two steps before I saw a small 3 step staircase and Steve Carell at the top holding my gift and a bottle of water.
STEVE
Merry Christmas Christina. (in disbelief CHRISTINA goes over to STEVE and sits down next to him and rests her head on his shoulder)
CHRISTINA
(sighing) I hate you.
STEVE
What floor did you start on?
CHRISTINA
1.
STEVE
Oh...Merry MERRY Christmas then...here have some water.
CHRISTINA
(taking the gift and the water she takes a sip and then opens her box. She takes out the gift and laughs and puts her hand over her mouth. It is a shirt saying "Julian is my boyfriend so BACK OFF" and on it is a picture of Julian kissing CHRISTINA's boob) Oh my God Mr. Carell I love it!
STEVE
Call me Steve.
CHRISTINA
I love it Steve, thank you so much.
STEVE
Ha ha I'm glad, well let's get back to the party before they start worrying about you.
CHRISTINA
Ha! I think they'd notice if Steve Carell wasn't there. I love your shows and movies by the way, you're an amazing actor.
STEVE
Well thank you, you're pretty hilarious yourself.
CHRISTINA
Why thank you!
And I went back to the party with Steve. John went up to me and gave me a hug for his gift and said he loved it (a pair of underwear with Rainn Wilson's face on it {oh hell yeah they make those}). He said he did have trouble finding it though. I laughed and talked to him and a bunch of other people from the Office for a while. I eventually made my way to Julian after dessert was done and he told me that his gift person was Amy Poehler and her gift location was in next to Lorne's office door and it was a book on all the different positions you can have sex in. A very handy gift if you ask me. Wink wink nudge nudge. I had a nice conversation with Tyson at around 1AM
TYSON
You are quite the founcer tonight!
CHRISTINA
Oh I know! ...what is a founcer exactly?
TYSON
Friend Bouncer.
CHRISTINA
Aah, yes of course. I knew that.
TYSON
Ha ha, yeah so are you having fun?
CHRISTINA
Heck yes, this party is amazing. What about you?
TYSON
Yeah everyone seems to be having a good time, (raising his glass) to Kristen for her amazing party!
CHRISTINA
(tapping her glass to TYSON's) To Kristen!
TYSON
(drinking his drink) Mmm, I agree with Paul.
CHRISTINA
Paul who? I know like 6 Pauls.
TYSON
Rudd.
CHRISTINA
Oh really? And what'd he say? Keep in mind he's very sarcastic.
TYSON
Ha ha, no I agree with him. It's very hard not to fall in love with you.
CHRISTINA
I don't even do anything...
TYSON
Ha ha, you don't have to.
CHRISTINA
Yeah well you're quite the catch Tyson. Any girl would be lucky to have you.
TYSON
You think?
CHRISTINA
Yeah, I mean I would.
TYSON
You would.
CHRISTINA
Yeah. Why wouldn't I?
TYSON
I dunno. I just never really imaged "US".
CHRISTINA
Follow me. (she takes his hand and leads her to her room, she goes to her wall and shows him a framed picture of them next to Santa. {yeah when we were in the mall we got this...forgot to tell ya and now I did. Yay.}) See, this is how you picture us.
TYSON
(from behind her he puts his arms around her hips and kisses her neck) We look great.
CHRISTINA
Yeah...(she touches his hand to see if he's actually there and he turns her around and kisses her passionately. She stops him immediately)
CHRISTINA
Tyson no, I-I can't.
TYSON
You just did...
CHRISTINA
I love Julian, you of all people should know that. I hope this doesn't come between our friendship.
TYSON
No you're right I'm sorry I got a little carried away...maybe I should go-
CHRISTINA
Trust me Tyson, there's a girl waiting for you somewhere. It's just not me.
TYSON
Yeah, I just wish she'd show her face sooner.
CHRISTINA
Come on let's both leave.
And we left. The whole night was a huge success and most of the people left at around midnight and the people from my adults, bands, and kids left/went to their rooms at 2AM. It was an amazing night. I am happy. Goodnight everyone. I love you Julian.
