LAST POST OF DECEMBER!!!

Wow December is already over...that was fast. I've had an amazing December but before we recap and get all teary eyed, let us first continue onward with Day 5 {Cillian Murphy}. Today we filmed Shimmer Floor Wax and Chewable Pampers (the two commercials) I was only in the Shimmer Floor Wax one and it was a lot of fun because Fred gets to be in the main focus of the scene and he usually isn't nowadays. Cillian and I do have a kiss at the end but it's only a peck so you can all calm down. Gosh Cillian Murphy is definitely one our sexier hosts I must admit, he's right up there with Leo DiCaprio and Jude Law. Ahh beautiful men...last night The Strokes performed at Smithnions and they were GREAT. Julian even jumped down and went into the crowd during Heart in Cage. Which I thought was clever considering "I went to the concert and I...fought through the crowd". Very clever you Stokes. 

Well my December folder definitely has the most posts than any other month, and that's because a LOT happened in December, let's re-cap:

I went to Kristen's niece's/nephew's band concert

Jimmy Fallon hosted SNL

Fred's Birthday!

I went to Albert's gingerbread house making party

NBC Writer's Strike

I witnessed Nick and Julian fighting in the streets

I text Ben Stiller for his jacket back

Writer's Strike ends

Robert DeNiro hosts SNL

In Transit is finished being made

Matthew Goode sends us an interview

Sove

I go to the Elementary Schools to perform

Paul Rudd hosts SNL

Kristen announces that I am one of her bridesmaids

I meet Robert Downey Jr.

I meet The All-American Rejects, Owl City, Nine Inch Nails, Anberlin, and Passion

Julian and I answer fan questions

I help Paul out

Christmas Eve party!

My very first Christmas!!

I go see Little Fockers and meeting Cillian Murphy after

I get Coco and Quilliam!

I get attacked by gangs of the Narrows

I die

I'm revived

Seth's Birthday!!

I go watch The Strokes at Smithnions

Ah December we've had our laughs but for the moment I must leave you and head into January and 2011...I would love to recap 2010 but I've only blogged about 5 months of it. 

Bye 2010, we've had some crazy times...

Day 4 {Cillian Murphy}

Today was a emotional roller coaster. But it ended in a big positive way. So I woke up at around 9AM and went straight to filming Down by the River. I LOVE that skit because I play this super DGAF chick who was caught smoking pot and Cillian Murphy was my inspirational speaker trying to get me and my brother (Bill). Nasim and Fred played our parents, I'm not sure why Seth didn't just give Nasim's part to Kristen considering they're nearly MARRIED.

After that I had lunch in NBC's food court with Jason, Bill, Tina, and Jack. Love my 30 Rock friends, they've been off for a while now they haven't had a new episode since the 15th...ah well. After lunch I went with Julian and Seth to the police station, I had to go TALK to the guys. I did and he got really emotional apologizing like crazy because he didn't want me to press charges but I most certainly am. People need to learn from their mistakes and this is not their first offense. I'm thankful that I'm ALIVE. So yes I am 100% pressing charges on them. Ugh. That was the down point of my day because I don't like getting people in trouble but they definitely deserved it. After that we filmed Killer on the Loose which was most definitely based off of Cillian's performance in Red Eye. And in one of the scene Cillian grabs me and throws me up against the wall saying how I lost his ketchup bottle and now his whole existence is flawed. Although when he threw me up against the wall he did it a little too hard and I passed out. When I woke up everyone was around me saying I had been knocked out for 10 minutes, Cillian felt SO bad. He was practically crying he felt so bad. Although what REALLY sucked was when the NBC nurse came over to check my blood pressure it was 60 over 40 and I wasn't physically able to film any more scenes so I was taken in a WHEELCHAIR back to my room and Cillian joined me until Julian showed up then we drank hot chocolate and watched movies on my couch and Jules' dogs joined us too. I love those dogs but they can be a hassle at times. Especially Balki because that mo-fo rips everything up. Voltron is a lot sweeter. Anyways, I have to go to the NBC nurse to go check my blood pressure to see if I can go to his concert at Smithnions. Wish me luck.

Day 3 {Cillian Murphy}

You know what I just realized? I died on Seth's birthday. HA, they had a big party for him at some restaurant and I didn't get to go. Damn you gang members. But today I did get to leave at around 2PM and not the anticipated "first thing in the morning" I immediately took a shower and went straight into filming. They filmed Under 21 and Russian Brides yesterday and today at 10AM they filmed Update since I was not there (even though it is almost always filmed on Thursdays). Today at 3PM we filmed Cloud Gazing because they didn't want me to do any laborious work although it was impossible to film because the police had to stay in with me. This is because they wanted to speak with me about the attack but I said I had to get at least one take before talking to them. But their stupid walkie-talkies kept going off during the filming so we all had to stop and I talked to them for a full on HOUR. Then they finally left, I know they're doing their job and I want those bastards that hurt me in jail but I really can't miss filming this week, Cillian Murphy is too amazing for that. Anyways, we eventually got back to Cloud Gazing and it was a lot of fun filming that with Cillian because I was suppose to be a ditzy blonde who was really dumb but really pretty and Cillian plays a guy who is shocked at how dumb she is but will date her anyways because she's pretty. Cillian's a cool guy I hope he sticks around after show and stuff. OH no show next week cause of Kristen and Fred's wedding, so after that week is Jim Carrey and THEN we have Matthew Goode. I know we've pushed him back so much...but we're just trying to give him a great show is all. The All-American Rejects have been very prone to hanging out around here lately. Love my Tyson, they gave me a crap-load of flowers too. Anyways I have to go be all medical and stuff. Toodles!

Day 2 {Cillian Murphy}

I'm alive everyone. Alive and ready to kick some street BUTT. Not really, they caught the guys who did it, thank  God. Julian got the story right, and I'm glad he posted something before rumors started to spread. This post will be short for Julian already said something but I am most DEFINITELY working this week, Cillian is amazing and I cannot afford to not be in this episode. Cillian actually came by to the hospital at 8PM and gave me flowers. I actually have a LOT of flowers now, I think I'm going to go walk around NYC and just pass them out to people, make some days but then again, I'm sure someone will be allergic to them. There were a few little blurbs about me online:

ESSENELLE HOSPITALIZED FROM GANG ATTACK-CBS NEWS

According to boyfriend Julian Casablancas of The Strokes, Christina Essenelle was attacked by a street gang in the narrows of Manhattan. Casablancas states that she was stabbed twice in the chest, one puncturing her lung the other just missing her liver, another in her upper arm, one in her back just missing her spine, and the last one was in her leg and when she was found the knife was still inside her. However, even though Essenelle's physique is very small she packs quite the punch, before being stabbed she men surrounded her with and pulled out their knives, she tazed one and punched another in the face and knocked him unconscious. Although her bravery saved her of two more men attacking her she did anger the men even more and received many bruises in her ribs. She received surgery for internal bleeding and two hours later her heart stopped, but thanks to the hands at NYPH she was saved from death. From everyone here at CBS we're wishing her a speedy recovery and we hope to see her on Saturday Night Live this weekend. 

CHRISTINA ESSENELLE RUSHED TO HOSPITAL FROM KNIFE FIGHT-NBC NEWS

By this point the full story is on her blog, but Christina had quite the night last night. NBC's own Christina Essenelle was walking down to her friend Albert Hammond Jr. of The Strokes and was attacked by 5 men with knives. She was able to knock two out, one with a tazer the other from her fists but she eventually was stabbed 5 times and broke three of her fingers. She was immediately hospitalized in Manhattan's own NYPH and actually bled out in her room, but was thankfully brought back to life by the steady hands at NYPH. Hopefully she'll be ready and able to be in this week's episode of SNL but she did have a traumatizing experience. From all us at NBC, come back home Christina, you bring this network smiles with your personality. This is Brian Williams of NBC Nightly News, get better Christina and goodnight everyone.

December 28th, 11:11AM

Hey everyone it’s Jules. Christina says my password was easy? Psh, hers took 2 tries, I wasn’t sure if it was I love SNL or I love The Strokes. But I figured it out, and changed it immediately to something more complicated. Well I’m pretty sure no one knows yet but I might as well post something about it, Christina’s in the hospital unconscious and she has been since last night. As she said yesterday she was walking to Albert Hammond Jr.’s house and he lives in the Narrows so it’s not like it’s a really safe area. But whenever Christina leaves NBC she has her hands in her pockets, one on her cell phone and the other on a tazer. Unless she’s with me then I’m holding one of her hands. So we assume she was walking and by the sight of her wounds there were more than four of them because they found her tazer in one of the guys, used, and she broke her hand from punching one of them in the face, he was also knocked out. But again, from her wounds she was stabbed 5 times, 2 on her chest, 1 in her back, one in her thigh, and the other on her arm. But she could have been shot at, the wounds were pretty weird. She called 911 the second they cornered her and from what the ambulance people say it was something like this:

AMBULANCE CALL RECEIVER

911 what's your emergency?

CHRISTINA

Back off! (screams) My name is Christina Essenelle and I'm by the corner of 11th and Mallory...(more screams)

AMBULANCE CALL RECEIVER

We're sending help your way do you want me to stay on the line with you? (phone breaks)

Thank God she did have that tazer and mind set that she was strong because otherwise she probably would've had worse ailments. They identified her immediately and patched her up and called Lorne Michaels, he then told us to all go to the hospital. Everyone in the SNL cast was there including Jimmy Fallon and myself. We took four cars to get there, Seth, Jimmy, Nasim, Paul, and myself in one, Lorne, Bill, and Abby in another, Keenan, Jason, Jay, and Bobby in another, and Kristen, Fred, Andy, Vanessa, and Taran in the other. When we got to the hospital we all waited outside her room and waited for her to get out of surgery. I had a nervous break down around the middle of it because I was worried. Christina's really clumsy and I just kept on thinking how serious surgery was and everything just got to me. Fred followed me, however, and he talked to me and that calmed me down. She got out of surgery about an hour later and she was still unconscious. The doctor told us what happened and that they needed myself and Seth to fill out some paperwork to the best of our ability. They also said that she needed to rest and that half of us should definitely leave. Well none of us really wanted to leave but some did, Lorne, Keenan, Taran, Vanessa, Jay, and Andy did. We waited for another hour and then we went in her room to go see her, and she was a mess. After about 5 minutes, Bill noticed that she was bleeding through some of her bandages and then her heart monitor started acting up. A bunch of nurses started running in and her doctor as well and Abby, Bill, Bobby, and Paul left the room to make room. The doctors said that she was bleeding out and that she probably wouldn't make it, this news made Kristen cry and so she left and Fred did as well. The punctured her chest to take the blood out and that worked for a while until it started messing with her heart, the doctors stopped for a moment and looked at each other gravely and that was enough to make Nasim and Jason leave teary eyed. It wasn't until her heart stopped beating when Jimmy and Seth left crying. And it was just me there. They took out the defibrillator and tried to bring her back to life, and so I prayed because I knew she would appreciate it, and seconds later her heart started beating again. I knew it was a sign. Only Seth, Jimmy, and myself stayed the whole night and next day. We played games and tried to make ourselves happy because we knew she'd appreciate it. It's funny how she brings everyone all together. Nick and Fab are coming over today at around 5:30PM, The All-American Rejects were already here at 11AM and Amy and Tina came over for a while today too. I hope she wakes up soon. We all miss her.  

6PM

NICK

Even though she was beaten up pretty badly, she looks peaceful now. 

SETH

Yeah...she gave us a real scare last night, she actually died and was brought back. I stayed in the room until her heart monitor went off then I just couldn't take it...we might have to cancel the show for this week unless someone wants to take up 6 scenes....you know it's funny, I've only known her for about 5 months but when you spend every day with them it's like that time triples...I can't-

CHRISTINA

I'm really happy for ya, and I'm gonna let you finish but Julian had one of the best bedside speeches of all time.

JIMMY

CHRISTINA!

CHRISTINA

OF ALL TIME.

NICK

How long have you been awake??

CHRISTINA

Bout 5 minutes ago, I was going to say something at first but I couldn't find the right words to say...

JULIAN

You have no idea how worried we've been about you...

NASIM

You've been unconscious for almost a day!

CHRISTINA

Almost a day...? Oh well then Happy Birthday Seth. (SETH gets all emotional and goes over and attempts to hug her without hurting her) Oh you big softie...

SETH

You died!

CHRISTINA

Yeah well, we all know how dramatic I am.

FRED

This is true, now let's get you out of here NBC misses you.

CHRISTINA

(looking down CHRISTINA puts her hand on his head and he looks up teary eyed, she laughs) I'm glad I woke up to such a party, everything's gonna be okay...

 JIMMY

How do you feel?

CHRISTINA

Awkward. I feel like I'm in a straight jacket.

KRISTEN

Ha ha, I bet. (CHRISTINA pushes the "call nurse" button)

FRED

Is there something wrong?

NURSE

Yes? Ah you're awake!

CHRISTINA

When can I leave?

NURSE

We can discharge you first thing in the morning!

NICK

So at midnight she can leave?

NURSE

Well you should probably rest-

CHRISTINA

Do I have to rest here, I've got so much work to do. 

NURSE

Well if you were to leave any time in the next 3 hours you'd have to take your IV and blood transfusion bag with you. 

CHRISTINA

I can live with that.

NURSE

(laughs) Don't be silly, you'll be done with your IV in about an hour and your blood transfusions will most likely be done by tomorrow morning.

CHRISTINA

Before 10AM?

SETH

Christina you can't honestly think you're going to be in the show this week.

CHRISTINA

Who's gonna take my place!

SETH

We'd find somebod-

CHRISTINA

Exactly, no one. So, 10AM?

NURSE

Yes, but I agree with him I don't think you should be working tomorrow, or this week for that matter.

CHRISTINA

It's fine, I'm on SNL we're just filming scenes.

NURSE

Okay...well press the button if you need anything.

CHRISTINA

Oh! Can I take any of this off?

NURSE

Any of what off?

CHRISTINA

The bandages.

NURSE

No.

CHRISTINA

Did I break my hand?

NURSE

Three fingers, as you can see you have a cast on them for now, and that'll come off in 2 months.

CHRISTINA

2 months!

NURSE

It's removable so you can still film with it.

CHRISTINA

(sighing) Okay. (the nurse smiles and then leaves) Bitch.

Now that's the Christina I know. Love you babe. 

Day 1 {Cillian Murphy}

The scenes for this week are:

Chewable Pampers (Kristen, Jason)
Shimmer Floor Wax (Christina, Fred)
Flight Annoucement (Christina, Kristen, Abby, Bobby, Keenan, Nasim, Vanessa)
My Testicles (Jay, Andy, Christina, Nasim, Vanessa, Bobby Paul, Fred Taran)
Update (Seth, Kristen, Fred, Jay)
Monologue
History Channel Cold Open (Taran, Bill, Bobby, Keenan, Paul, Kristen Nasim, Jason)
Killer on the Loose Digital Short (Christina, Andy, Jorma)
Down by the River (Fred, Nasim, Christina, Bill)
Under 21 (Jason, Andy, Bill, Keenan)
Cloud Gazing (Christina)
Russian Brides (Abby, Fred, Bill)

Which means the stats are:
Abby 2
Andy 3
Keenan 3
Kristen 4
Bill 3
Bobby 3
Jay 2
Jason 3
Nasim 4
Fred 4
Paul 2
Taran 2
Christina 6
Vanessa 2

That means this week is MY week so I have to make sure it's extra awesome and gets even more ratings. It's funny I'm so close to maximum scenes that it hurts, maximum is 9 if there are 12 skits. This is because you can't do two skits in a row so it'd be 6 but two commercials and 1 Digital Short is always filmed so 9 is the max. And since I'm in a commercial and the digital short I'm okay for backstage costume time. Today we filmed My Testicles and Flight Announcement. It's similar to a digital short because it's a song but it's a scene because...I don't know it just is. At 12PM Jimmy, Nasim and I went to the pet store to go get my fish. I got two guppies, one orange and one blue and the orange one is named Coco (surprise) and the blue one is named Quilliam (I have no idea why but I love it) At 3PM we filmed Flight Annoucement which was a lot of fun because I love working alongside Kristen because she's marvelous and an amazing actor. In this one Cillian and Abby played angry passengers who were confused about what was happening in the plane. Although while we were filming...:

CILLIAN

(cameras are off and CILLIAN slams his hand down on ABBY's and keeps her locked in) Make the call.

ABBY

What?

CILLIAN

Or I'll kill your dad.

ABBY

Ow, Cillian (SHE SAID SI-LLIAN edfuskdbfhosudf) let me go you're hurting me. (CHRISTINA is seen with her hands over her eyes)

CILLIAN

Oh it was a joke I-

CHRISTINA

Let me talk to my dad or I'm not calling anyone!!! 

CILLIAN

(smiling up at CHRISTINA) Thank you!

CHRISTINA

(laughing she walks over to CILLIAN) I'm the queen of references, you big psychotic baby.

CILLIAN

But how can you live like this? What if one day you decide to take out my liver or something. (CHRISTINA skips over to CILLIAN and leans into him and breaths into his mouth jokingly. He laughs in remembrance) Ha ha, hey did you know 18F has a bomb?

CHRISTINA

Hey did you know Icarus 1 was sabotaged?

CILLIAN

Trey was an asshole.

CHRISTINA

You died because of him. (ABBY is seen looking at BOBBY in confusion)

CILLIAN

He should've died in the beginning, then I would've lived! (CHRISTINA starts swatting the area around her)

CHRISTINA

There's a fly on the plane...

CILLIAN

Wait no...that wasn't in the movie...

CHRISTINA

(lying) I don't know if you know this but...I was in Red Eye...  

CILLIAN

What! I'm sure I would've remembered someone as remarkable as yourself but...no...

CHRISTINA

(blushing) You think I'm remarkable?

CILLIAN

Well... (blushing) yeah...

CHRISTINA

Reaaaaaaaaally?

CILLIAN

Yeah...

CHRISTINA

Do you think I'm smart and funny and good looking?

CILLIAN

Very much so.

CHRISTINA

Reaaaaaaaaaaally?

CILLIAN

Yes! Why is that so hard to believe!

CHRISTINA

Because you're Cillian freakin' Murphy!

CILLIAN

And you're Christina freakin' Essenelle!

CHRISTINA

You've been in more movies than I can count!

CILLIAN

You have more fans than I can count!

CHRISTINA

You're trademark is your FACE!

CILLIAN

Your trademark is everything about you!

CHRISTINA

That is not true.

CILLIAN

Yes it is.

CHRISTINA

(softer) Well you've got stunning blue eyes.

CILLIAN 

(placing her hand on his cheek) and you've got extremely soft skin.

CHRISTINA

 (passing her thumb past his cheek) Well you've got an angels touch.

CILLIAN

and you smell like love.

CHRISTINA

You recognize the smell?

CILLIAN

Only just this once...

CHRISTINA

Well it takes two to tango you smell wonderful yourself.

CILLIAN

It's called sweat and coffee.

CHRISTINA

I love it.

CILLIAN

I'm surprised, most people are offended by it.

CHRISTINA

I don't think you could ever offend me Cillian.

CILLIAN

You mean Sillian.

CHRISTINA

(laughing) Oh I could stare at you for hours.

CILLIAN

Right back atcha.

LORNE

Cillian she's going to need that hand for her part so if you could...(out of their trance, CILLIAN and CHRISTINA look at everyone staring at them, blushing CILLIAN let's go of her hand and everyone stops staring. CHRISTINA starts to walk back to her mark when CILLIAN grabs her hand again and she turns around)

CILLIAN

(winking) Where the fuck do you think your going. 

CHRISTINA

Oh Blake you tramp. (she winks and he kisses her hand she stays for a moment before she remembers that they have to film today and walks back to her mark)

Okay but seriously. How does Julian sleep at night. Oh before I filmed this morning Paul, Jason, Kristen, Fred and I played a rousing game of Super Smash Brothers. I'm glad Paul has reentered the conference room, he has been woefully missed. Alrighty it's about 8PM and I'm off to Albert's house house for some bonding action time. Julian's coming along too but he's hanging out with Fred until 9:30PM. I'm glad they're man bonding, I like Strokes and SNL integration. So I'll be walking...till tomorrow, goodnight!

Twitter

Oh Twitter, you're so adorable and cute. Well as you probably know I do not have one. But Julian (and his manager) do. He posts random things like yesterday's tweet of:

 A happy Christmas day to everyone!! btw my 2 cents, best Christmas song ever-hands down easy-is Stevie Wonder "Someday at Christmas"
8:24 AM Dec 25th via web  
And then today we were just watching TV (Adult Swim to be exact) and BAM this extraordinarily weird commercial comes on for a food tube. Julian and I were laughing the entire way through so we decided to post it on his Twitter (mainly me and I figured out his password {super easy kids} so get ready for some interesting new tweets...hehe). So go check it out! Not many SNLers have a twitter, Jimmy (posts constantly), Seth (sometimes posts), Kristen (did 5 post...), Andy (1 post...), Abby (posts constantly) and Jay (posts sometimes) all have one but everyone else doesn't. I think Bobby has a blog, not sure. Speaking of online sensations, Jimmy has been nominated for a People's Choice Award for biggest online sensation! AND Conan has been nominated for Greatest Talk show host! I hope they win, they definitely deserve it but apparently the people's choice awards are mainly teenagers so...get ready for a million Twilight Awards... Anyways I'm off to bed, night everyone. And good morning to some of you, and good afternoon to some of you as well.

Kwanzaa! Boxing Day!

No I don't actually celebrate Kwanzaa or Boxing Day but someone does! So happy day to them. Last night as I said the power went out so no show but we're filming the monologue and the cold open today for the show that'll go up online. The Strokes and I slept at Nick's and at around 12 they all went to get Subway and then Julian and I went back home. When we got there Kristen, Fred, Bobby and Bill, were going to go to the movies to go see Little Fockers so Julian and I decided to tag along, by the way The Strokes and I went to go see Tron yesterday and it was okay, if you want to go see a movie with amazing CGI but a boring plot than go see Tron, and I can definitely say that considering Jeff Bridges is my friend. Bill unfortunately didn't go with us because he had to go give Cillian Murphy a little tour at 4PM so he would've missed most of the movie. Little Fockers was hilarious, and I still can say that because Robert De Niro AND Ben Stiller are my friends, not close ones, but still friends.

After the movie we all were going to go get me a fish for Jimmy's gift but the store was closed so we went to dinner instead. I already have a fish now but I feel like if I change it's environment drastically it'll die and that's the last thing I want. It's funny, a lot of people have one thing that keeps them rooted to where they are, sometimes it's a lease or a person or a job but for me it's three things. My job, my boyfriend, and my fish Icicle. I got it my first week at SNL I remember saying to Andy, "I've wanted a pet my whole life but I could never feed it because I had no money, so we're going to the pet store. NOW." Although I think Andy was fearsome that since I've never had a pet that I would probably be a bad owner so he got me a fish. A beautiful blue Beta Fish that is now 8 months old. (They said it was born in May last year, I got it in August). At dinner Bill and Cillian met up with us. I loved just HOW we met up though, I went to the restroom and Cillian showed up just outside it as I was leaving the restroom;

CILLIAN

Ah, Ms. Essenelle did you not like my report on Mr. Zaz?

CHRISTINA

...You really think a man who butchers people for the mob doesn't belong in jail?

CILLIAN

Well apparently I've testified for it Ms. Essenelle.

CHRISTINA

This is the third of Falcone's thugs you've testified insane and moved to your psych ward at Arkham.

CILLIAN

Oh the work of organized crime must have an attraction to the insane. (he begins to walk away and CHRISTINA follows)

CHRISTINA

Or the corrupt.

CILLIAN

(at their table, to BILL) Mr. Hader, I think you should check with Ms. Essenelle here just what implications your office allows her to make, if any. (he sits down at table table)

CHRISTINA

(sitting down next to him) Mr. Murphy I don't think you understand that I no longer have any lines with you.

CILLIAN

 (still acting in the same tone) Oh really Ms. Essenelle?

CHRISTINA

Call me Christina.

CILLIAN

Are you flirting with me?

CHRISTINA

Our new D.A. is the worst lover in the world apparently. And I can't get my eyes off you.

CILLIAN

Truly Christina you have the wrong man. For I am possibly gay.

CHRISTINA

Really?

CILLIAN

No one knows for sure, but it's possible considering I have such a boner for Batman right now.

CHRISTINA

(still acting in the same tone, BILL and KRISTEN are seen mime-laughing) You could be bisexual, or maybe that boner's just for me. (she puts her hand on his shoulder seductively)

CILLIAN

Don't flatter yourself, you're nothing like what I want. (she takes her hand away)

CHRISTINA

Harvey says that every man is different, so tell me what do you like?

CILLIAN

Intelligence, humor, good looks. What any man wants.

CHRISTINA

E=mc squared and the chicken crossed the road.

CILLIAN

(STILL ACTING PEOPLE) Wow, looks like you're exactly what I want now. Everything has changed it feels...it feels like...

CHRISTINA

(dramatically) What, what does it feel like?

CILLIAN

(looking into her eyes dramatically) It feels like this boner is for you.

CHRISTINA

No!

CILLIAN

Yes...(she puts her hand back on his shoulder) Sweetheart.

CHRISTINA

Yes cupcake?

CILLIAN

Your hand is on my shoulder. (she removes it quickly and he grabs it gently) No I love your hand...but what good does it do if it's on my shoulder? (he takes her hand and puts it on his chest then slides it down to his crotch, she goes bug eyed and doesn't know what to do)

CHRISTINA

What do I do now lemon drop? I'm so inexperienced...(JULIAN is seen choking on some water and laughing in the background)

CILLIAN

(resting his forehead on hers) Follow my lead...(he begins to unzip his pants and she retracts her hand like it was bitten puts her hands up in defense)

CHRISTINA

Hey uh-

BILL

2 minutes and 20 seconds! (everyone starts clapping)

CHRISTINA

Wait what?!

BOBBY

We set a timer to see how long you'd keep up the charade without breaking character.

CHRISTINA

(sighing) Oh thank God-

CILLIAN

 (jokingly) You didn't like it darling?

CHRISTINA

(she hugs him laughing) You're an even more amazing actor than I even knew.

CILLIAN

Ha ha, well thank you. I was surprised you even got the reference at the door. They said you would but I was unsure.

CHRISTINA

Oh surprise Bill would think this up.

BILL

Hey I have a knack for humor.

CHRISTINA

(she extends her arm) I'd like to introduce myself properly...I'm Christina.

CILLIAN

Cillian.

CHRISTINA

That's such an interesting name, let me guess...Irish Saint.

CILLIAN

Very good...I wasn't kidding out my preferences by the way. Intelligence and humor.

FRED

And good looks.

CILLIAN

Yes can't forget those.

CHRISTINA

Is that hint that I should tell jokes and facts around you?

CILLIAN

No that's an order.

CHRISTINA

Ha ha, awesome. By the way Julian; fuck you.

JULIAN

(he starts laughing hysterically) Maybe later.

CHRISTINA

Don't flatter yourself. (winking to CILLIAN he winks back)

Oh my friends are weird...

Christmas!!

I love Christmas, my first Christmas ever and I cried just looking at all the presents. Will was there and he was filming it and everything was just great. Ugh I love everyone...Merry Christmas. What'd I get you ask? Well....

SNL CHRISTMAS PRESENTS

Abby-Backpack (DEFINTELY going to be used)

Andy- Soulpancake by Rainn Wilson (definitely wanted this!)

Keenan-Paint by Numbers (THANK YOU, I get bored easily)

Kristen-Lantern and $100 to TJ Max (AAAHHH THANKS!)

Jason- A pillow with all SNL signatures  and some messages on it (Jason! Je t'aime!!)

Jay-Barrel Fever by Augusten Burroughs (looooooooooove augusten burroughs)

Bill-stocking (In my stocking was bacon bandaids, a giant candy cane, pocky, lots of gum, and nasal decongestant cause i've been nasally this week) (HILARIOUS)

Bobby-stocking

Nasim-Black Boots (wearing them currently!)

Vanessa- The Awakening by Kate Chopin (I had asked her for it)

Taran- Craft Book for poor people (definitely wanted this, thanks!!)

Paul-Plaid shirt (gorgeous)

Seth-keyboard (SUKFBSDFSDESLKJDSHFSL MERCI MERCI MERCI SETTTHHHH!!!! PLAYING IT CURRENTLY AAAAAAAAAH)

Fred-Rebecca the book and movie (we're weird, be jealous)

Jimmy-Aquarium light thing (IT'S AMAZING, it came with it's own sexy fish too)

Tina-lava lamp 

Amy-[H]ouse buttons (we're in love with Hugh Laurie)

Conan-Conan Fan Stuff (Haha...)

Julian-diamond and sterling silver necklace with my name on it (MUCH LOVE)

Nick- Leather Jacket (wearing it currently)

Albert-Harry Potter pop up calendar (very funny)

Fab- Grass head (super random, love it!)

Nikolai-Squirrel seeks Chipmunk by Dave Sedaris (LOVE HIM)

Lorne-NBC Chimes (everyone on SNL has them and they're hilarious)

Chris Parnell-Batman snuggie (HAHAHA)

Leo-Potato Clock (LOVE IT)

Matt Damon-Colored Skinny Jeans (wearing them currently!)

Alec-Jim Gaffigan DVD (gotta love my white men)

Jack McBrayer-random buttons to put on Abby's gift with Amy's

Jorma-SNL the Game! (WHAT)

Akiva-Incredabad (needed this)

Will-Mold-making kit (INSIDE JOKE LOVE YOU WILL!)

Michael Cera-glass roses (awww super sweet)

Tyson and Nick-AAR pick bracelet and boxers with Nick and Tyson’s face on them (AMAZING!)

Mike- $25 to Barnes and Nobles (tank you tank you)

Steve Carell- T-shirt that says Julian is my boyfriend so BACK OFF. And on it is a picture of Jules kissing my boob (wearing it currently!!)

So definitely, the best Christmas ever, wow. My expectations are extremely high now...oh boy. Then I went to Nick V.'s house and partied hard until the power went out in a lot of Manhattan and the show got cancelled...yeah that was a damper on all of our moods, but fortunately we filmed almost everything and Jeff was mighty fine with it, it'll be available online by tomorrow on Hulu Plus. Oh so at 11:30PM we all met in Lorne Michael's office and he told us that Matthew Goode is switching places with Cillian Murphy. Which I'm fine with because Mr. Murphy is an amazing actor in one of my favorite movies of all time (Batman Begins) so I'm all good! Owl City is our musical guest and and AND I'm the "lead" for the Digital Short. Or so Jorma tells me. I'm very excited. Plus I'm suppose to have a lot more scenes for the next few weeks soYAY to that!

Christmas Eve!

Damn you Steve Carell and your ingenious gift locations

Happy Christmas Eve everyone! It's now 5:30 and people should be coming over any second. You know Christmas is the only holiday where the day before it is celebrated too? Well us SNLers have been cooking and baking our buts off for this Christmas Eve Party and everyone who's anyone is going, including Paul (YAY). My Strokes are even coming too! They weren't at first because they usually bro-fest it up but apparently last year they didn't and the year before that their bro-fest sucked so they're all coming here. We've got a multitude of activities for tonight, theres the hiding of the Christmas Presents (everyone gets a riddle {Taran and Keenan were in charge of this so watch out} and that riddle leads them to their presents, I'll post mine later). Although the very cool thing is that the hiding of presents is that it's not just on the SNL floors but in the whole NBC Building. Then there's cookie decorating (run by Abby and Bill) and there's a professional face painter there and an airbrush artist. Also we have a wine tasting going on (run by Andy and Jay), video games are being monitored by Jason and Bobby, and the ugliest Christmas Sweater contest is being overseen by Vanessa and Fred. As for food goes, Appetizers is run by Nasim, Soup and Salad is run by Paul (YAY), main course dishes are run by Seth and myself, and the dessert course is run by Kristen. This whole night should run smoothly but knowing our dysfunctional family of freaks something should go wrong. (I say that in the most loving way possible...)

It's now 2:34AM and the party was AMAZING. So many people showed up it was incredible. Guest list wise there were definitely more than 100 people. To name a few, all SNL cast members from present and past, all of The Strokes, all of the All-American Rejects (more on that later), all from Late Night past and present, everyone from the Office was there (even Steve Carell!!), everyone from 30 Rock was there, Zach Levi was there from Chuck/Tangled, Lorne Michaels and his wife, and a few people from Parks and Rec. were there too (AMY!). First thing we did was the wine tasting (Andy/Jay) and that went over well because people were a lot more open to some of the other games later on. Then after that we did the ugly sweater contest, it was very close between Aziz Ansari and Jack McBrayer but Aziz claimed the title. Then we had time to chat and decorate cookies and get our face painted and what not. I mainly hung around a few groups of people. One group constituted of: Jimmy, Parns, Andy, Matt (Damon), Akiva, Amy, Tina, Seth, Jason and Alec then I would move over to my Julian, Nick V., Nick W., Tyson, Chris, Mike, Nikolai, Fab, and Albert, and then another group of: Kristen, Fred, Nasim, Abby, Taran, Bill, Bobby, Jack, Michael (Cera), Vanessa, Paul, and Jorma and then the rest of people were floating around places. I'll label them adults, bands, and kids. I definitely had the most laughs with adults, had the greatest time with bands and had a snorting fest with kids (from laughter...).:

ALEC

(on the topic of Kwanzaa) I just don't see the purpose in the second A it's not even African, that's HAWAIIAN! 

AKIVA

Wait is it actually Hawaiian? Like is that an actual fact?

JIMMY

Yeah, that's why Kristen's Hawaiian.

AMY

Kristen is not Hawaiian.

TINA

Her last name is Wiig...it's possible...

AMY

(laughing) Oh then of course she is!

ANDY

(giving her a sarcastic dirty look)Yeah Amy get your shit together.

PARNS

Aaaaaand back to the topic of Kwanzaa, doesn't anyone even celebrate it anymore?

SETH

I don't know why don't you ask the black person of the circle.

CHRISTINA

Holy shit we are all secretly racist.

JASON

(laughing) Maybe we should invited Keenan over? Just to get the eyes off us?

TINA

Those eyes are for my sexy ass gentlemen, check it out...! (she turns around and all the men clap)

ALEC

Congratulations Lemon, you've got me clapping for your voluptuous baddonk-a-donk.

SETH

(laughing) Oh I love 30 Rock. Chris, how did you get on that show by the way?

PARNS

Looked like Tina that's how.

CHRISTINA

Hey Tina you know what I just realized.

TINA

That we're equally sexy?

CHRISTINA

HA HA HA, no you're way sexier than me but...we have the same name.

TINA

Oh wow...I didn't even realize that.

ANDY

(mock excitement) Hey Keev you know what I just realized?!

AKIVA

What's the Andy?!

ANDY

If you take Chris and Tina you get Christina!

JASON

What the-

JIMMY

Shit just hit the fucking fan.

AMY

My mind...is gone...

SETH

Nothing makes sense anymore!!!!!!!!

CHRISTINA

I'm..I'm gonna go cool off my head...it hurts... (walks away to the bands group)

~minutes later~

MIKE

(on the topic of talking animals) Yeah but it's for the kids so it's cute.

NICK V.

Yeah but when you have to go watch it with a bunch of kids-

CHRISTINA

When have you ever had to go watch a movie with kids by force??

TYSON

Hey, shit happens.

CHRISTINA

(laughing) Yes indeed. (hey, it's me, so about the whole "shit happens" thing, when Tyson and I were shopping the other day I was talking about how I want to have a senior quote in my yearbook that was Shit Happens because it basically covers any conversation starter, for example "Oh hey look at what happened to Jim, he had surgery" "Oh well you know, shit happens" etc. etc. "Hey I just had a baby!" "Yeah well, shit happens"...ANYWAYS)

NIKOLAI

You know back in my day-

CHRISTINA AND JULIAN

Hrmpphhff gurggle blech...(yeah thats another thing, {lol inside jokes} whenever someone makes and old person reference or statement Julian and I make old people noises....and onward..)

NIKOLAI

Anyways...when I was a kid- (waiting for JULIAN and CHRISTINA's reaction) I watched Rocky and Bullwinkle and they were talking animals and everything was just A-Okay.

CHRIS

Yeah but when we're talking about those stupid movies like Over the Hedge where it's JUST talking animals.

TYSON

Would you count the Smurfs in that category?

NICK W.

Dude, Smurfs are their own entity, DON'T EVEN.

FAB

Yeah I loved the Smurfs I watched those fuckers like everyday.

NICK V.

Oh I don't doubt the powers of the Smurfs but like it's those movies like Over the Hedge and 

ALBERT

March of the Penguins.

CHRIS

Oh don't even get me STARTED on that movie. 

                               MIKE

Oh so I take it you remember when we went to go see that.

CHRIS

Such a douche Mike.

CHRISTINA

Woah woah woah, so far I've known Mike for...3 days, and he's the nicest son of a bitch I've ever met.

JULIAN

Yeah I'd vouch for that, he bought me a coffee the other day.

TYSON

Shit Mike, were you planning on joining the Strokes behind our backs?

MIKE

I had to have closure...

ALBERT

I think he'd make a great addition! 

                               FAB

He made my Mom feel like a woman again, he's the nicest guy I know, three cheers for Mike!

NICK W.

YOU LITTLE BITCH I KNEW IT!

THE STROKES AND CHRISTINA

MIKE! MIKE! MIKE! 

CHRISTINA

-Crophone...ha ha I'm cool.

TYSON

Yeah except you actually are.

CHRISTINA

Aren't you adorable, (pinching his cheek) Well I'm off, see you guys later. (she leaves and goes over to kids)

~minutes later~

JACK

(on the topic of New Year's) Well I'll be here...at 30 Rock...

NASIM

Yeah along with the rest of us, thanks to NBC we have no social lives.

BILL

Says the girl who makes-out with everyone at the after parties. (everyone ooooo's but they know BILL is kidding, NASIM makes a pouty face).

MICHAEL

Hey, I wouldn't know I've never been to one. Christina just invited me to this and I thought "Hey, why not". 

VANESSA

And aren't you glad you came, this is a great party! Thank you Kristen!

KRISTEN

Oh it was nothing really, it only took me weeks to prepare for...

FRED

Well it looks amazing, like somebody I know (he kisses her on the side of her head and she smiles to herself) 

JORMA

I'm excited for your wedding by the way.

FRED

Well you shouldn't be (quickly under his breath) you weren't invited.

JORMA

Well I'm going anyways.

MICHAEL

I was invited either. 

KRISTEN

Oh Jorma we were kidding and Michael you are officially invited.

MICHAEL

Where is it? I might be able to go.

ABBY

Vegas.

MICHAEL

My greatest condolences I cannot attend Kristen and Fred.

FRED

(laughing) Damn, you could've take Jorma's seat. 

TARAN

Oh speaking of not being able to go I can't...

EVERYONE

WHAT!

TARAN

I know I'm a asshole, but I have no money to get to Vegas there and back.

PAUL

Taran everythings paid for, they're free tickets.

TARAN

Wait, really?

NASIM

Yeah you didn't know that?

TARAN

NO I DIDN'T KNOW THAT What the fuck...

BOBBY

Ha ha ha, just kidding you still have to pay.

TARAN

Oh I fig-

FRED

No he's kidding everything's paid for, come to Vegas!

KRISTEN

Although Christina can't come because she' too young.

JACK

Yeah Christina how old are you?

CHRISTINA AND BILL IN UNISON

Old enough. (looking at eachother in amazement) WOAH. (she laughs and then leaves randomly) Bye...

After that was time for food and everyone went through the food courses, and right before dessert we sent the airbrush artist and face painter people away (they were fantastic, thank you if you're reading this there's still a heart that has the words "Lying Lamburglar" on it {i'll explain more later..you know what no, I'll explain it now.}...yeah) So about 3/4th of the way done with the main course line and Jason and Bobby come up to Seth and I saying that we can go get food and they'll man the lines for us. Seth and I were extremely appreciative and we got on line. When we reached the food Seth was in front of me and I noticed that there was only one piece of lamb left so I reached under his arm, grabbed it, and put it on my plate well...

SETH

Oh I'm sorry did you just take my piece of lamb?!

CHRISTINA

Hey, it's not my fault you're too slow.

SETH

(to JASON and BOBBY) Did you just see what she did there?

JASON 

I did indeed, we got a little THIEF on our hands.

BOBBY

A LAMBURGLAR IN OUR MIDST. (CHRISTINA is laughing)

JASON

What're you laughing at LAMBURGLAR.

CHRISTINA

Ah, nothing. 

BOBBY

Oh now our lamburglar's a LIAR.

JASON

LYING LAMBURGLAR STRIKES AGAIN. (CHRISTINA is laughing again)

SETH

You could've avoiding all of this if you weren't so greedy.

CHRISTINA

I know I'm just the worst.

BOBBY

SARCASM WILL WIN YOU NO BROWNIE POINTS LYING LAMBURGLAR!!

JASON

We should take her food away.

SETH

Here let me help you with that.

CHRISTINA

(joking) YOU GUYS ARE SUCH BULLIES!

JASON

Wh-what! The LYING LAMBURGLAR calls US bullies??

SETH

I have never seen so much hypocrisy in my life. 

CHRISTINA

(fake crying) You guys are being such jerks I don't even want to be on this show anymore! (slamming her plate on the table and stomping off)

JASON

Wait is she being serious?

BOBBY

Oh fuck.

SETH

No... (CHRISTINA is slumped in a corner crying in her hands) God dammit. (SETH puts down his food and runs over to her with JASON, BOBBY is told to man the food lines) Christina we were just joking you know....

JASON

Yeah we didn't actually think you'd take it seriously.

CHRISTINA

It's just that you guys are mean to me all the time and I can't take it!

SETH

Christina we love you, you know that.

JASON

Come on, let's hug it out.

CHRISTINA

(she gets up dramatically and hugs JASON then wiping her eyes she looks at SETH and smiles widely, then bursts out laughing then stops) You guys are so gullible.

SETH

OH YOU BITCH I KNEW IT.

JASON

WHAT!

CHRISTINA

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

BOBBY

DID LYING LAMBURGLAR STRIKE AGAIN?!

JASON

Wait, WHAT!?

SETH

You're coming with me. (SETH grabs CHRISTINA by the arm and drags her over to the face painting booth and sits her down on the open chair) Hi, can you draw a heart on her arm and in the middle can you write "Lying Lamburglar"? (CHRISTINA is laughing hysterically)

FACE PAINTING MASTER

Yes of course!

CHRISTINA

Seth you're my besssssst friend...

SETH

Yeah whatever. (he winks and then kisses her on the cheek)

CHRISTINA 

I would kiss you back but I'm being painted on at the moment.

SETH

Just because you're the lying lamburglar doesn't mean you have to lie all the time.

CHRISTINA

(she laughs and would argue but decides against it) Okay.

Seth stayed with me the entire time and when I asked why there was a heart and not just Lying Lamburglar he said "because even though you are"And that's what happened. Anyways so after we sent the face painting people away it was time for the hiding of gifts. That part of the game took 45 minutes because NBC has a lot of floors...like a LOT. Once everyone's back, Lorne reads out the clues, my clue to John K. was "In this room they film a show where awkward silences never go, your gift is here where the early morning is never seen and the host is extremely lean". (on Jimmy Fallon's desk). The one I got was "Your gift is located on something that doesn't move but you move on it, sometimes people use it to exercise but your gift is not on something electronic. There are 71 of them in the GE Building! Come find me!". Excited and ready I ran to the elevator and went down to the first floor and prepared myself for the hike of a lifetime. I knew it was on the staircase but I didn't know where so I trekked through all 70 stories until I reached the top and it wasn't there, it wasn't on any of the stairs. Exhausted and frustrated I opened the door to the roof and went outside in the snow. It was freezing but it felt nice against my sweaty body, I walked out and took two steps before I saw a small 3 step staircase and Steve Carell at the top holding my gift and a bottle of water. 

STEVE

Merry Christmas Christina. (in disbelief CHRISTINA goes over to STEVE and sits down next to him and rests her head on his shoulder)

CHRISTINA

(sighing) I hate you.

STEVE

What floor did you start on?

CHRISTINA

1.

STEVE

Oh...Merry MERRY Christmas then...here have some water.

CHRISTINA

(taking the gift and the water she takes a sip and then opens her box. She takes out the gift and laughs and puts her hand over her mouth. It is a shirt saying "Julian is my boyfriend so BACK OFF" and on it is a picture of Julian kissing CHRISTINA's boob) Oh my God Mr. Carell I love it!

STEVE

Call me Steve.

CHRISTINA

I love it Steve, thank you so much. 

STEVE

Ha ha I'm glad, well let's get back to the party before they start worrying about you.

CHRISTINA

Ha! I think they'd notice if Steve Carell wasn't there. I love your shows and movies by the way, you're an amazing actor.

STEVE

Well thank you, you're pretty hilarious yourself.

CHRISTINA

Why thank you!

And I went back to the party with Steve. John went up to me and gave me a hug for his gift and said he loved it (a pair of underwear with Rainn Wilson's face on it {oh hell yeah they make those}). He said he did have trouble finding it though. I laughed and talked to him and a bunch of other people from the Office for a while. I eventually made my way to Julian after dessert was done and he told me that his gift person was Amy Poehler and her gift location was in next to Lorne's office door and it was a book on all the different positions you can have sex in. A very handy gift if you ask me. Wink wink nudge nudge. I had a nice conversation with Tyson at around 1AM

TYSON

You are quite the founcer tonight!

CHRISTINA

Oh I know! ...what is a founcer exactly?

TYSON

Friend Bouncer.

CHRISTINA

Aah, yes of course. I knew that.

TYSON

Ha ha, yeah so are you having fun?

CHRISTINA

Heck yes, this party is amazing. What about you?

TYSON

Yeah everyone seems to be having a good time, (raising his glass) to Kristen for her amazing party!

CHRISTINA

(tapping her glass to TYSON's) To Kristen!

TYSON

(drinking his drink) Mmm, I agree with Paul.

CHRISTINA

Paul who? I know like 6 Pauls.

TYSON

Rudd.

CHRISTINA

Oh really? And what'd he say? Keep in mind he's very sarcastic. 

TYSON

Ha ha, no I agree with him. It's very hard not to fall in love with you.

CHRISTINA

I don't even do anything...

TYSON

Ha ha, you don't have to.

CHRISTINA

Yeah well you're quite the catch Tyson. Any girl would be lucky to have you.

TYSON

You think?

CHRISTINA

Yeah, I mean I would.

TYSON

You would.

CHRISTINA

Yeah. Why wouldn't I?

TYSON

I dunno. I just never really imaged "US".

CHRISTINA

Follow me. (she takes his hand and leads her to her room, she goes to her wall and shows him a framed picture of them next to Santa. {yeah when we were in the mall we got this...forgot to tell ya and now I did. Yay.}) See, this is how you picture us. 

TYSON

(from behind her he puts his arms around her hips and kisses her neck) We look great. 

CHRISTINA

Yeah...(she touches his hand to see if he's actually there and he turns her around and kisses her passionately. She stops him immediately)

CHRISTINA

Tyson no, I-I can't.

TYSON 

You just did...

CHRISTINA

I love Julian, you of all people should know that. I hope this doesn't come between our friendship.

TYSON

No you're right I'm sorry I got a little carried away...maybe I should go-

CHRISTINA

Trust me Tyson, there's a girl waiting for you somewhere. It's just not me.

TYSON

Yeah, I just wish she'd show her face sooner.

CHRISTINA

Come on let's both leave.

And we left. The whole night was a huge success and most of the people left at around midnight and the people from my adults, bands, and kids left/went to their rooms at 2AM. It was an amazing night. I am happy. Goodnight everyone. I love you Julian.