I'll do this in another font and in italics cause I know how anal Christina gets about things she said being in one font and color...but yeah it's Jules. Hey. This is weird, it feels like I'm talking directly to someone but really I'm just typing on the computer...crazy shit. Anyways I've been receiving a number of emails from interviewers and fans questions about Christina. Literally everyday it's like 200 fucking emails. I don't mind them it's just WOW a shitload. So I've decided to take her little blog (and by little i mean HUGE) and answer these questions. So yes it's an interview with only one topic.
MONSE FROM CALIFORNIA ASKS: What's your favorite thing about Christina?
Well Monse that's a good question, thank you. Uhhhh seriously I can't think of ONE specific thing. But in general I love her smile, her hair, her style (she stole it from me), her personality...she's so funny and random. I love how damn cute she can be. One minute she'll be kicking someone's ass in video games and the next moment she'll be sleeping on my shoulder. I love how loving she is, every single day she talks about her 'family' of orphans and how they're doing. She loves her friends and I like that about her, she's really well rounded. She's also extremely musical and that another awesome trait about her because I can seriously see a future for her in The Strokes as our keyboardist...which is pretty fucking rad. I love how she's not some fruitcake girly girl. Like that would piss the shit out of me, I definitely can play video games with her or have a belch-off or go rock climbing and shit. She's a cool chick. Hope that answers your question Monse.
NIKKIE FROM OHIO ASKS: If you and Christina were to break-up who did you think would break-up with who?
Christina would definitely be the breaker-uper. Only because I would never hurt her like that. I would never hurt her period. So since I wouldn't break-up with her it'd have to be Christina. Plus she's got a million reasons to, I drink, I smoke, I'm really clingy, I'm protective, I'm always making jokes that just aren't funny. So yeah it'd definitely be Christina.
DEAN FROM MASSACHUSETTS ASKS: First off congrats bro she's hot as hell, but just out of curiosity can you see a future with her?
Thanks man, and I KNOW. Good question Dean, and I'm not sure how I want to phrase this question. Because if I say yes then that puts a lot of pressure on her to be there for me and if I say no then obviously that's a dick move and she'd break-up with me. So, it's a let's-see-how-it-plays-out answer.
GERALD FROM NEW JERSEY ASKS: I can't imagine you guys having a future together, who do you think would have a better future with her Nick Valensi or Seth Meyers?
Uh no comment? What a stupid fucking question, it's people like you who are just giving New Jersey an ever worser name for themselves. NEXT.
HAMMY FROM SOUTH DAKOTA ASKS: Is it awkward being with Christina when she had just broken up with your friend Andy Samberg?
Not at all, I've known Andy for a while so I pretty much knew that him and her wouldn't last (he's not really a monogamous guy...) and from interviews about her it seemed like Andy really wasn't her type so it's definitely not awkward on MY side of the conversation. But for Andy that's a whole different story because...well the whole thing happened pretty suspiciously. I mean, Andy, Christina, and I are talking at a party, Andy leaves for a week, Christina breaks up with Andy when he gets back, then we're dating the week later...I mean I'm sure he's looked into it but it's definitely not awkward, I think they're friends now too. By the way I love your name...Hammy...
SRI FROM GEORGIA ASKS: What did you first think of Christina when you saw her?
Oh I remember it like it was yesterday. Here I'll put my little thoughts in [thought!]. So, Andy and I were talking and Christina comes over giving Andy a cup of water saying that he needed it [why hello there...that's nice of you he definitely does need that] and he said "Thanks but no thanks" set it on the table and forgot about it [wow you're a dick Andy...I hope they're just friends...please let them just be friends]. He then put his arm around her and introduced us [of course, Andy gets the girl, fuck me right?] 'Oh Jules this is my girlfriend Christina, vice versa' [wow aren't you polite...wait did he say Christina? as in Essenelle? They're not gonna last that girl is NO whore and Andy only dates swingers...I have a chance!]. She then curtsied and I bowed, picked up her hand and kissed the top of her knuckles [wow am I a sap], her entire face went red and she giggled [God is she pretty], Andy of course then kissed her on the cheek and breathed meanly in her face, she pushed him away for his breath probably reeked of soon to be barf. She then excused herself to go play video games with Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers [video games? i want her, i want her right now with me, hot and video games? she's mine as of now...no officially]. She played with Seth and Jimmy for a half hour and then just watched them play. Every now and then she would look over her shoulder at Andy who was either puking in the garbage can or doing shots off some extra's belly button [she doesn't love him, there's no way. look at the face she's giving him, she doesn't like him for his drunkness, but am i really that much better...? wait a second she's not doing anything right now, GO GO GO]. I then walked over to her and sat next to her on the couch, C: 'Ah it's my night in shinning armor' [slfdbasfaduf] J: 'Yes I've come to rescue you from the dreded Olimar' [that was stupid what a dumb comment you fucking idiot] C: 'Hey! I kick ass with Olimar' [see now you've offended her WAY TO GO DIPSHIT] J: '...Olimar sucks' C: 'Those be fighting words Julian' [she said my name...she sounds so cute when she says my name iuwdvbdjvw and wtf, hot, not all glitzy glamour girl, and she's got sucha nice personality...FUCK] J: You play? [obviously] C: Heck yes, shall we? [aaahhhhhthatswhatshesaidUSGNKSLIUFI] J: Yes, we shall. Then she asked Jimmy and Seth if we could play and they said yeah but Seth gave me this weird you-probably-shouldn't look. I of course did anyways. Like I give a shit if I had Seth's approval. We then played and she beat me, C: 'Oh so how bad is Olimar?' [stop being perfect you're gonna make me go crazy stopstopstop] J: 'You win round one Essenelle...next time you won't be so lucky', C: 'Haha, okay so JULES what brings you to this neck of the woods?' J: Andy didn't tell you? I'm doing a who's-the-coolest-cast-member-of-SNL contest and I must say you're up on my list [eh] C: Hahaha you are too cute [i know you are but what am i] J: i try. Then Fred busts out the karaoke machine and now I know FOR SURE, this is how I will get her. So I wait for a few people to go up and then I turn to Christina, 'Do you think I should go up?' C: Yeah totally! J: Okay I got this... [hmm now what song could i serenade her with...LAST NITE]. So I get up there, sing my heart out and I'm watching her face the entire time, she claps along with the music and dances to the beat like an angel. The way she moves just plucks my heart strings. Her hair twists and turns so perfectly, there's no way no WAY I'm not being friends with this girl. After I finish Andy comes up and wants us to do this song we've been talking about for a digital short, I agree because now this is a test. Andy starts off with his rap and I look down at her and she's looking right back up at me, she smiles and winks and my heart just explodes. She's looking at ME not her boyfriend. I want her I want her I want her I want her, please let me not be hallucinating please let this be real she's all I want God I never asked for anything but please...let me be able to see that girl again...we talked again after the little song and she I sounded amazing. She then said that she should be getting back to her room because it was getting late, I blew her a kiss goodnight and she caught it and put it in her pocket. RUYBEJNGREBFNDW. Then I turned away and started to walk back to the room when she called out to me saying we should hang out sometime. I of course agreed with her and waved goodbye. VICTORY THY NAME IS JULIAN.
And that's all the questions I feel like pouring my heart into, because now I have to go and actually be with her, something I hope to do for a long time...I love you Christina :)
