SNL received a heavy blow to the balls today. We'll start off with Jenny Slate. Last night at around 3am she walked into the NBC building drunk, paranoid, and high off of heroin. She had been doing this for a week now but nothing as severe and disturbing had happened until last night. She went up to Lorne Michaels room and banged on the door until he was awake and answered the door. With a knife in her hand she tried to puncture him in the face although Lorne swiftly blocked her bad aimed blows. Yelling out for help, Lorne pinned her down to the ground in his boxers and mere minutes later was security rushing in dragging Jenny away. Today as Nasim, Julian and I were doing homework Lorne asked all of us to gather around the conference room couch. Once everyone was assembled Lorne told us the news about what happened last night and that because of her actions and recent actions she would no longer be on the show. In other words she was fired after her first year. I'm terribly concerned for how she is and how her mental health is, hopefully Jason's got that under his belt. But hours later Will Forte asked all of us to do the same thing, gather round and list to the bad news waiting to come.
WILL
Hello everyone, no I'm not going to tell you Lorne stabbed me and I fired him, no but I...after tonight's show I won't be returning to Saturday Night Live. (gasps from the audience) It's been a great run, really but...I need to focus on my family. I mean I'm 40 years old! I can't do this forever. You guys are incredible and I love every single one of you. Well, except for Keenan-
KEENAN
Hey man...
NASIM AND CHRISTINA
HEY IS FOR HORSES-
EVERYONE
SHUT-UP!
WILL
Anyways, I know next season's going to be great...you're all really amazing. Thanks for being there for me throughout the last 8 years. (tearing up slightly) I'm just gonna miss you guys so much...
Once he put his head in his hands and started to cry I got up and hugged him like never before. Everyone then got up as well and we said our sympathies and kissed him on the cheek and such. Will's such a great guy, so funny, so weird, and so nice. He was such a commodity for this show and it's really sad to see someone with so much talent to go. Will if you're reading this I LOVE YOU LIKE THE BROTHER I NEVER HAD! God Bless....
Onto technicalities, we received the final cast list for Season 36 (which hopefully premiers next week with Joseph Gordon-Leviit however there is much controversy because of Will and Jenny leaving) it is:
~Repertory~
Fred Armisen
Abby Elliot
Bill Hader
Bobby Moynihan
Nasim Pedrad
Andy Samberg
Jason Sudeikis
Keenan Thompson
Kristen Wiig
~Featuring~
Vanessa Bayer
Paul Brittain
Christina Essenelle
Taran Killam
Jay Pharoah
My message to Jay, Taran, Paul, and Vanessa. GOOD LUCK. I'm not sure if you exactly know the madness you are stepping into but I certainly hope you don't end up like Jenny Slate and go into drugs and are constantly in a state of paranoia. We're meeting the cast tomorrow so I'm very excited, off of what the other cast members have told me this is what they're like:
Vanessa Bayer: Molly Ringwald look-a-like, Chicago native, very funny, stand-up comedian and improv champ, very 'butch'. Very humble, super man-like, best friend to be.
Jay Pharoah: FINALLY ANOTHER BLACK GUY! Now all we need is a black girl or an asian person...really sweet, down to earth, chicago-based impressionist, does awesome accents, might replace Fred's Barack Obama which will make him hated....DON'T DO IT JAY!
Taran Killam: Very, VERY, funny, lots of credentials, has been all around the world and has been in several movies, shows, and premiers. hot, sweet, and honest.
Paul Brittain: Literally all I have heard (from Abby directly) that he is RED hot. Definitely excited about that....maybe Abby and Nasim have new boy toy's...WHO KNOWS!
Throughout the duration of the blog more news has been told. Kristen will also be leaving SNL....HA no not really that was a joke. But Joseph Gordon-Levitt and James Franco are no longer hosting next week and the next unfortunately. Instead we have Amy Poehler with Katy Perry and Jane Lynch with either the GLEE cast or Bruno Mars (hopefully the GLEE cast cause they're awesome!!!). There's only an hour and a half till the show starts...Eeek!! SO, In conclusion, Will and Jenny will be missed.
