NADWUAR V.S. CHRISTINA ESSENELLE
N: SO WHO ARE YOU?
C: My name is Christina, and this is Jason and Julian.
N: NO YOUR FULL NAMES I WANT YOUR FULL NAMES AND WHERE YOU'RE FROM.
C: (giggles) My name is Christina Essenelle, this is Jason Sudeikis and Julian Casablancas and we're from Saturday Night Live more commonly known as 'SNL'
N: I DIDN'T KNOW JULIAN WAS ON THE SHOW WITH YOU, HOW IS THE EXPERIENCE JULIAN? (pointing the microphone to Julian)
C: (giggles) No silly! Julian was the lead singer of The Strokes remember? You interviewed him! But now he's gona solo and hangs out with me.
N: NOW CHRISTINA OF ESSENELLE FROM 'SNL' WHAT ARE THE OTHER CAST MEMBERS NAME?
C: I assume you want both first and last names?
N: YES! HOW WOULD I KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THEN?
C: (giggles) Ha ha! Good point! Well there's Abby Elliot, Andy Samberg, Bill Hader, Bobby Moynihan, Fred Armisen, Taran Killam, Jay Pharoah, Vanessa Bayer, Kristen Wiig, Keenan Thompson, Jason Sudeikis, Nasim Pedrad, and Paul Brittain!
N: NOW WHY DID YOU SAY PAUL'S NAME LAST WAS IT BECAUSE HE WAS NEW OR PERSONAL GRUDES?
C: (giggles) No, actually if you remember Nasim's was second to last and she's one of my closest friends so there really was no order.
N: MMM, MMM, MMMMMM. SO, THE NEW CAST MEMBERS, WHO'S THE COOLEST?
C: They're all really cool and funny and-
N: BUT YOU GOT TO HAVE A FAVORITE.
C: I'm not really one to disclose personal preferences.
N: WAIT A MINUTE....AREN'T YOU DATING JULES OVER HERE?
C: (giggles) Remember? I said I'm not going to disclose any personal preferences in an interview!
N: ZINGO! SASSY PANTS: 1 NARDWUAR: ZIP. NOW YOU'RE AN ACTRESS CORRECT?
C: Improver (prounounced improv-er) more than an actress.
N: YOU'RE AN IMPROVER (prounounced improve-er) OF WHOM DO YOU IMPROVE?
C: (giggles) No silly goose! I say improv-er. Someone who acts out short scenes to entertain based off of suggestions given by the audience!
N: LIKE MIKTASHI ONO?
C: Was the person in our audience?
N: YOU DIDN'T KNOW MIKTASHI ONO WAS IN YOUR AUDIENCE?
C: I'm not really aware of everyone who enters-
N: BUT MIKTASHI IS SUCH A LEGEND WHY WOULDN'T YOU WANT TO MEET THEM?
C: I'm sure I would have loved to if I knew they were there.
N: CONSIDERING THE REVIEW HE GAVE YOU, IT'S ALMOST LIKE YOUR PISSING ON HIS DOORSTEP!
C: Was it a good review?
N: OF COURSE EVERYONE RAVES ABOUT THE SHOW, I DON'T SEE WHY THOUGH.
C: What do you mean? Do you not like the show?
N: IT'S OKAY I MEAN THE JOKES ARE SO LAME! MY DOG COULD HAVE MADE BETTER ONES. THANK GOD WILL FORTE IS GONE, HE WAS THE WORST
C: Hey, Will was a great friend of mine and I don't think it's very nice-
N: I'M NOT SUPPOSE TO BE NICE 'SILLY GOOSE!' I'M SUPPOSE TO GIVE FACTS-
C: Give me a fact then.
N: FACT: YOUR SHOWS RATINGS HAVE GONE UP SINCE WILL LEFT, FACT JENNY SLATE WAS IN ONLY 10% OF THE EPISODES.
C: The only episode that premiered after Will was the kick-off to the new season and that's because it was the last episode of the entire season, obviously it would have more-
N: WELL IT WASN'T 'OBVIOUS' TO ME. AND IF YOU WERE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS WITH WILL WHY DID HE LEAVE?
C: He left because of his family.
N: HIS FAMILY? HE LEFT BECAUSE OF HIS SNL FAMILY DOES THAT NOT INCLUDE YOU AND-
C: (giggles) NO! He left because of his biological family, silly NARDWUAR OF YOUTUBE.
N: UH OH! SASSY PANTS: 2 NARDWUAR: ZIP! SO, "I INTEND TO DO MY BEST AND?"
C: and what?
N: ARE YOU CONFUSED?
C: Yeah, you intend to do wha-?
N: DO YOU WANT TO TAKE A BREAK I KNOW DOING SHORT SCENES CAN BE STRESSFUL AND HARD.
C: No I just didn't understand what you were-
N: BECAUSE WE CAN DEFINITELY TAKE A BREAK IF YOU'RE TOO TIRED TOO ANSWER QUES- (me grabbing mike)
C: I WILL ANSWER THE NEXT QUESTION IF YOU TELL ME WHAT IT IS.
N: HEY-YO! SASSY PANTS- (grabbing the mike again)
C: Please don't call me that anymore.
N: WOULD YOU RATHER BE CALLED ESSENANCAS BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT
C: No, I just want to be called-
N: HOW ABOUT JULSTINA YEAH? OR CASANELLE!
C: OR! JUST CHRISTINA!
N: SO CHRISTINA OF 'SNL', THIS WEEK YOU'RE PLAYING WITCH CHRISTINE ODDONELL WHO DABBLING IN WITCHCRAFT IS THAT CORRECT?
C: Yup, that's me!
N: SO, HAVE YOU DONE THAT YOURSELF?
C: Done what?
N: DABBLING IN WITCHCRAFT?
C: (giggles) No, not yet!
N: ARE YOU PLANNING TO?
C: It's not only my agenda but I'll have to put it on just for you.
N: WOAH, DABBLING IN WITCHCRAFT IS WEIRD CHRISTINA FROM 'SNL' WHY DO YOU THINK YOU'D WANT TO PERFORM SPELLS ON PEOPLE?
C: No I'm not actually-
N: IS IT BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN THE SPOTLIGHT AS MUCH AS KRISTEN?
C: No Kristen's a repetory player I'm just a feauturette, sure I'd kill for a spot as a repetory player but I'm-
N: YOU'D KILL KRISTEN TO TAKE HER SPOT?
C: No that's not what I said.
N: YOU JUST SAID 'I'D KILL FOR THAT SPOT' DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A (julian now grabbing the mike)
Ju: SHE DIDN'T FUCKING SAY THAT, IT'S A PHRASE, LEARN ENGLISH.
N: WOAAAHH, JULIAN TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH YOU'RE GOING CRAZY. CHRISTINA MIGHT KILL YOU FOR THAT ONE! (jason now grabbing the mike)
Ja: Come on man, you're being an ass.
C: Guys, it's okay. It's his job to make look like I'm saying things that I'm not. However, he's not popular enough to make it seem like I'm truely saying these things. He's just the national inquirer. No one believes him. Which is why he made this show in the first place, because he has no friends and couldn't do anything else with his time than harrassing people on the internet, so I'm sorry Nardwuar but I am no witch.
(silence)
N: Any last words for the fans?
C: I love you all, especially Nardwuar for trying to make me cry! (hugs him, he smiles awkwardly)
Ju: Let's go. (grabbing me by the arm and the cameras are turned off and we storm away)
