LAST POST OF SEPTEMBER!

September re-cap!!

-Taylor Swift hosted SNL
-I confessed to Jason about my past and he confessed his affair
-Saw Vampires Suck, which sucked
-Babysat Kristen's nephews
-Had a sing off
-Broke up with Andy
-Jude Law hosted SNL
-I started dating Julian
-The name ESSENANACAS came into existence
-Went to Goo Goo Dolls concert with Will and Keenan
-Got Interviewed by NME
-Saw Orphan with Nasim
-Jenny was fired
-Will quit
-Tina Fey hosted SNL
-n00bs arrived
-Got interviewed by Nardwuar
-Amy Poehler is about to host SNL

September it's been a crazy ride....september is where it all began so September (Septempuuurrr) I love you like the month I never had. October here I come!

Day 4 {Amy Poehler}

Today was very fun and FUNNY!

Nasim, Abby, Kristen and I went on chat-roulette today. I have to say it was a lot of fun, people would recognize us, freak out, and show us their genitals. Even people from other countries! Just shows how technology has changed the world. But man is Kristen funny, she'd stick her head in the screen for two seconds and then would hide away on the side. Amy and of course Nasim and Abby were all boobs and ass when they didn't know us. But I never said that, SECRET BLOG! Today we filmed Weekend Update and Bronx Beat, which featured obviously Amy, Maya (from previous seasons), Katy Perry, Seth, and at the moment I cannot remember who else...my memory is THE worst. Literally asking anyone, whenever someone says "Oh Christina remind me to do this later" I'll always respond with a "DON'T BOTHER I WON'T REMEMBER!!" but again...no one listens around here. That's the only complaint I really have, when we're working on scenes everyone is going crazy and just not listening to what others have to say! Which is why a 2 minute scene takes 4 hours to film. Our longest skits are Weekend Update and the monologue and those are never practiced only performed. Jules attempted to show off his sport skills by playing some basketball with Jason and Bill. It back fired and he got SERVED! Which lead to him saying that he's a bad dribbler but a good shooter, which lead to Bill and Jason betting that he couldn't make it at half-court, Jules tried, failed, screamed NOOOOO, they laughed, jules screamed WHYYYY, they laughed again, jules screamed POR QUEEE????.

All part of a days work.

Day 3 {Amy Poehler}

TODAY WAS MADNESS. The N00b prank was today and boy were the papparazzi on it. I'm sure there's pictures all over magazines but fortunately I told them it was for initiation so MAYBE they'll understand. Probably not. Today we filmed wedding venue and everyone in the cast was it in. I awkwardly played Andy's pet wife....yeah. Andy, we're still friends don't get me wrong. It just gets awkward sometimes when we're all watching tv together and Julian kisses me on the cheek or something. I can feel the hate...anyways all the n00bs made it through initiation and taran has a huge dick. Check it out on youtube y'all.

Jules

Jules....oh Jules he is my sexy rock. But everyone asks me, "why do you like him?" So for this little entry I will make a list of why I prefer Jules and his awesomeness.

JULIAN IS:

-a singer
-sweet
-very funny
-one of my best friends
-adorable
-HOT
-looks cool
-moral
-true to his words
-open for change
-dating me
-very sneaky (in a good way)
-conservative
-adorable
-romantic
-always there for me
-and has punched a guy out for me
-jealous of other guys
-wants the best for us
-loves candy (we're candy whores)
-ALL MINE

So that is why I like Julian. And our last names fit so perfectly together?? ESSENANCAS WOO!

Essenancas OUT.

Day 2 {Amy Poehler}

It was 113 degress in New York City today. 113. That's almost record breakin I mean seriously global warming? You're really going to pull this shit on me? UGH I would love to live in everlasting cold. I hate the heat, I can't image what it's like to live in Florida I think I would DIE.

Today we filmed "Showtime" and our digital short which was fun because I was in both of them! There's actually 3 scenes where everyone in the cast is there, including the Digital Short, the monologue, and the Wedding Venue. <---which makes fun of the Mosque at ground zero so YAY! Andy has been obnoxiously touchy lately and it drives me crazy because 1) Touchy people are annoying and 2) IT'S 100 DEGREES OUT AND I REAAAALLY HATE TOUCHY PEOPLE ON THOSE DAYS! People Magazine commented on my Nardwuar interview saying that he was a bad interviewer and they wanted to punch him while listening to the interview. Which makes me happy because I DID TOO. Oh Nardwuar...you annoying obnoxious serviette...

Crying

House....oh House oh House oh House!! Whenever I see anyone crying I always tear up too because it's just my nature to sympathize with others. But when you're watching a brother with CMD crying over giving his sister a lung because he wants HER to live....of course I cried! But the bad things is...when you're tearing up over a television show with people like Amy Poehler and Keenan Thompson...you're bound to be ridiculed. Now I'm Crying Christina as oppose to Tiny Tina (miniature tina fey). But as least I'm not KKK Keenan or Brown noser Bobby. Brown noser Bobby because apparently when he first came on the show he was the biggest suck-up and KKK Keenan because when he first came here, Will and Fred would sneak into his room dressed as the KKK. Jokingly of course they had no intentions of killing him. Well at least crying christina is better than essenanacas...UGH.

Hellish Experience #1

Nardwuar is not a fun person. He's not nice either and he tried to make you say things that you never planned on saying. So I'm putting the interview on here but whenever you see a * it means that I was surprised that it even came up. Like "Is being an orhan on the requirement list for SNL? Or are you just extra cool?"* UGH. I'm so SO very grateful for Julian and Jason. They are my rocks. Here is the interview hopefully the obnoxiousness from Nardwuar voice will come off from the style and color (my least favorite color is orange. Woooaaaahhh underlying theme say WHAT) Nardwuar will just be shown with a capital N. By the way you won't be able to tell but the entire interview I had this sweet little girl's voice and a giggle after every dumb question/statement.

NADWUAR V.S. CHRISTINA ESSENELLE

N: SO WHO ARE YOU?

C: My name is Christina, and this is Jason and Julian.

N: NO YOUR FULL NAMES I WANT YOUR FULL NAMES AND WHERE YOU'RE FROM.

C: (giggles) My name is Christina Essenelle, this is Jason Sudeikis and Julian Casablancas and we're from Saturday Night Live more commonly known as 'SNL'

N: I DIDN'T KNOW JULIAN WAS ON THE SHOW WITH YOU, HOW IS THE EXPERIENCE JULIAN? (pointing the microphone to Julian)

C: (giggles) No silly! Julian was the lead singer of The Strokes remember? You interviewed him! But now he's gona solo and hangs out with me.

N: NOW CHRISTINA OF ESSENELLE FROM 'SNL' WHAT ARE THE OTHER CAST MEMBERS NAME?

C: I assume you want both first and last names?

N: YES! HOW WOULD I KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THEN?

C: (giggles) Ha ha! Good point! Well there's Abby Elliot, Andy Samberg, Bill Hader, Bobby Moynihan, Fred Armisen, Taran Killam, Jay Pharoah, Vanessa Bayer, Kristen Wiig, Keenan Thompson, Jason Sudeikis, Nasim Pedrad, and Paul Brittain!

N: NOW WHY DID YOU SAY PAUL'S NAME LAST WAS IT BECAUSE HE WAS NEW OR PERSONAL GRUDES?

C: (giggles) No, actually if you remember Nasim's was second to last and she's one of my closest friends so there really was no order.

N: MMM, MMM, MMMMMM. SO, THE NEW CAST MEMBERS, WHO'S THE COOLEST?

C: They're all really cool and funny and-

N: BUT YOU GOT TO HAVE A FAVORITE.

C: I'm not really one to disclose personal preferences.

N: WAIT A MINUTE....AREN'T YOU DATING JULES OVER HERE?

C: (giggles) Remember? I said I'm not going to disclose any personal preferences in an interview!

N: ZINGO! SASSY PANTS: 1 NARDWUAR: ZIP. NOW YOU'RE AN ACTRESS CORRECT?

C: Improver (prounounced improv-er) more than an actress.

N: YOU'RE AN IMPROVER (prounounced improve-er) OF WHOM DO YOU IMPROVE?

C: (giggles) No silly goose! I say improv-er. Someone who acts out short scenes to entertain based off of suggestions given by the audience!

N: LIKE MIKTASHI ONO?

C: Was the person in our audience?

N: YOU DIDN'T KNOW MIKTASHI ONO WAS IN YOUR AUDIENCE?

C: I'm not really aware of everyone who enters-

N: BUT MIKTASHI IS SUCH A LEGEND WHY WOULDN'T YOU WANT TO MEET THEM?

C: I'm sure I would have loved to if I knew they were there. 

N: CONSIDERING THE REVIEW HE GAVE YOU, IT'S ALMOST LIKE YOUR PISSING ON HIS DOORSTEP!

C: Was it a good review?

N: OF COURSE EVERYONE RAVES ABOUT THE SHOW, I DON'T SEE WHY THOUGH.

C: What do you mean? Do you not like the show?

N: IT'S OKAY I MEAN THE JOKES ARE SO LAME! MY DOG COULD HAVE MADE BETTER ONES. THANK GOD WILL FORTE IS GONE, HE WAS THE WORST

C: Hey, Will was a great friend of mine and I don't think it's very nice-

N: I'M NOT SUPPOSE TO BE NICE 'SILLY GOOSE!' I'M SUPPOSE TO GIVE FACTS-

C: Give me a fact then.

N: FACT: YOUR SHOWS RATINGS HAVE GONE UP SINCE WILL LEFT, FACT JENNY SLATE WAS IN ONLY 10% OF THE EPISODES.

C: The only episode that premiered after Will was the kick-off to the new season and that's because it was the last episode of the entire season, obviously it would have more-

N: WELL IT WASN'T 'OBVIOUS' TO ME. AND IF YOU WERE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS WITH WILL WHY DID HE LEAVE?

C: He left because of his family.

N: HIS FAMILY? HE LEFT BECAUSE OF HIS SNL FAMILY DOES THAT NOT INCLUDE YOU AND-

C: (giggles) NO! He left because of his biological family, silly NARDWUAR OF YOUTUBE.

N: UH OH! SASSY PANTS: 2 NARDWUAR: ZIP! SO, "I INTEND TO DO MY BEST AND?"

C: and what?

N: ARE YOU CONFUSED?

C: Yeah, you intend to do wha-?

N: DO YOU WANT TO TAKE A BREAK I KNOW DOING SHORT SCENES CAN BE STRESSFUL AND HARD.

C: No I just didn't understand what you were-

N: BECAUSE WE CAN DEFINITELY TAKE A BREAK IF YOU'RE TOO TIRED TOO ANSWER QUES- (me grabbing mike)

C: I WILL ANSWER THE NEXT QUESTION IF YOU TELL ME WHAT IT IS.

N: HEY-YO! SASSY PANTS- (grabbing the mike again)

C: Please don't call me that anymore.

N: WOULD YOU RATHER BE CALLED ESSENANCAS BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT

C: No, I just want to be called-

N: HOW ABOUT JULSTINA YEAH? OR CASANELLE!

C: OR! JUST CHRISTINA!

N: SO CHRISTINA OF 'SNL', THIS WEEK YOU'RE PLAYING WITCH CHRISTINE ODDONELL WHO DABBLING IN WITCHCRAFT IS THAT CORRECT?

C: Yup, that's me!

N: SO, HAVE YOU DONE THAT YOURSELF?

C: Done what?

N: DABBLING IN WITCHCRAFT?

C: (giggles) No, not yet! 

N: ARE YOU PLANNING TO?

C: It's not only my agenda but I'll have to put it on just for you.

N: WOAH, DABBLING IN WITCHCRAFT IS WEIRD CHRISTINA FROM 'SNL' WHY DO YOU THINK YOU'D WANT TO PERFORM SPELLS ON PEOPLE?

C: No I'm not actually-

N: IS IT BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN THE SPOTLIGHT AS MUCH AS KRISTEN?

C: No Kristen's a repetory player I'm just a feauturette, sure I'd kill for a spot as a repetory player but I'm-

N: YOU'D KILL KRISTEN TO TAKE HER SPOT?

C: No that's not what I said.

N: YOU JUST SAID 'I'D KILL FOR THAT SPOT' DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A (julian now grabbing the mike)

Ju: SHE DIDN'T FUCKING SAY THAT, IT'S A PHRASE, LEARN ENGLISH.

N: WOAAAHH, JULIAN TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH YOU'RE GOING CRAZY. CHRISTINA MIGHT KILL YOU FOR THAT ONE! (jason now grabbing the mike)

Ja: Come on man, you're being an ass.

C: Guys, it's okay. It's his job to make look like I'm saying things that I'm not. However, he's not popular enough to make it seem like I'm truely saying these things. He's just the national inquirer. No one believes him. Which is why he made this show in the first place, because he has no friends and couldn't do anything else with his time than harrassing people on the internet, so I'm sorry Nardwuar but I am no witch.

(silence)

N: Any last words for the fans?

C: I love you all, especially Nardwuar for trying to make me cry! (hugs him, he smiles awkwardly)

Ju: Let's go. (grabbing me by the arm and the cameras are turned off and we storm away)

Day 1 {Amy Poehler}

After the interview with NME SNL and myself have received several interview oportunities, one that SNL did take with Larry King in which Jason, Bill, Kristen, Andy, Seth, and Amy talked to Larry about the 36th season and all of that excitement. I received one from Nardwuar. My first thought was "sure more publicity sounds great!" but upon further inspection (mainly Julian's dabbling) this guy is suppose to be a real sneaky guy! He's suppose to try and get someone to say thing they're not suppose to say and get them to look dumb on TV/Youtube. At first I was a little hesitant to take the interview but the competitve side in my goth the best and I agreed to interview with him today at 6. I am scared, but I want to shove some things back in his face like Sarah Palin's "Gotcha!". However when I told everyone about the interview they all gave me pitiful looks and Julian and Jason said they'd come with me for moral support. Shouldn't be too bad right? Oh also, filming was great today, we filmed a short scenes literally only 1 minute with Justin Timberlake (LOVE HIM) and a commercial that got unfortunately pushed back two hours (I'll explain it later). But the commercial was fantastic! You'll love it, I wasn't in neither scenes today but I watched both of them and they were really, really funny.

Tina Fey is part of a show called "30 Rock" a.k.a. 30 Rockefeller Plaza a.k.a. the NBC building so we get a lot of mix ups with their cast extras and ours. In filming Bosley we accidently mistook several extras from 30 Rock for ours and it pushed us back 2 hours when 30 Rock producers called asking for their old gentlemen back. Although I don't see why they just don't share! I love the NBC building and all of it's craziness although if I were going to complain about anything about the building I would say that the elevators are kind of slow and break-down all the time. There's plenty of them, in fact we have an elevator BANK but it's just half of them are broken 90% of the time. So getting from the first floor to the seventh for filming is sometimes difficult and definitely getting from the first floor to the 17th is even more difficult. Because I can walk 7 channels of stairs but not 17...that's just painful. But as for overall appearence it's gorgeous. By the way, yesterday I was watching America's Next Top Model (ANTM) because it's always in a constant loop on Oxygen on Sundays (I really only watch for the end picture because they're pretty) and Vanessa came in and she smacked herself next to me on the couch and grabbed my arm and creepishly whispered in my ear "I LOVE THIS SHOW" and now we're friends. Weird how things turn out, huh? She's super nice and really sweet so I hope she's always like that!

Katy Perry is such a delight, she's super fun and super flirtatious...had to drag Seth away from her just because he WOULD do something dumb like kiss her. I'm pretty sure she's engaged/married to Russell Brand who is awesome so maybe we'll see him at the show! But yeah she was here today and she was really nice and made us cookies. So officially she's the second coolest musical guest (gotta give #1 to taylor). But tonight is HOUSE! Out of all the shows we watch consistently I love House, then Glee, then Bad Girls (<--My guilty pleasure). Remember me saying how I loved my english class because my teacher slightly resembled Julian? Well that is out for the count because he just got a haircut today. DAMN. There goes my A for sexing the teacher. KIDDING.

N00bs

Because of my being on the cast for 2 and a half months I am still considered a n00b and have to go through initation. I did not know this for I HELPED them think of things to do to the n00bs for initiation! So, Vanessa and I have to walk around the gay district in a thong and nipple-plates, while the guys get to stay indoors and be video-taped while watching porn naked...together. Okay so maybe the guy's have a much worse feat but still!! We're in public and gay people HATE naked women...seriously! Ugh, we have to walk around for an hour but since Vanessa and I are pretty much outgoing people it'll be okay. Nasim and Abby were telling me about their initiation and they all had to parade around the city in only body paint and pick up at least 3 strangers. Bobby also had to do this....it was painted as an elephant trunk and that's all I'm going to say. Seth was telling me about his way back when, and his was very interesting. He was given the option to take LSD or not and if he did take it then he'd be done and go crazy or he could say no and be cut from the cast, smartly he said no and he was kept because the results were flipped. As Lorne said, "Who wants some drugged up fruit-loop crazing up the cast?". A.K.A. Jenny. Whom of which Jason is still upset about but I think they broke up...Anyways the prank should be going down Wednesday because we're only filming at 3 that day. Also, because of the n00bs we get another cast photo! Yay...

Meeting the Cast

I don't think you realize the mind-blowingness of Jay Pharoah. This'll be the first time we can do "What up with dat" with a black back-up dancer. Now TWO black people can be in a scene. It's crazy! The cast came over for brunch and for the pitch meeting, they're super nice, I think if I was going to be best friends with any of them it'd be Taran cause he's really funny. Vanessa, Jay, and Paul are really cool too, they're just now settling in their new rooms. Here are character stats for the week:

Abby-5
Andy-7
Bill-6
Bobby-4
Christina-5
Taran-3
Fred-6
Kristen-7
Keenan-3
Nasim-4
Vanessa-5
Jay-4
Jason-5
Paul-4

These stats show that it is Kristen and Andy week! Since the n00bs have no idea about anything we gave them the lowdown hoedown and since I realize you might be confused as well I will explain EVERYTHING. Sunday is when the writers on the 17th floor commence their writing of the scripts. Monday is the day we all round up, get our assignments and figure out when we need to be in the studio or not. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday follow the same regime. Then on Saturday there is no filming until 11:30-12:30 where we all perform in Studio 8H on the 8th floor of the NBC Building. And then it's Sunday and the cycle starts over again. So we got to take a lovely tour of that as well. Well it's time to go to breakfast with Julian, toodles!

Tina Fey hosts SNL

Here's the line-up!

Cold Open (Fred Armisen)

Brownie Husband (Myself)

PGA Gold Tornament (Tina, Jason, Bill, Keenan)

~Commercial~

Sarah Palin Network (Jenny-which is now Abby, Andy, Tina, Jason, Keenan, Bobby, Kristen)

~Commercial~

Teacher (Tina, Bobby, Fred, JBiebs, Abby, Kristen, Myself)

~Commercial~

Update (Seth, Jason, Myself)

~Commercial~

Al Roker (Keenan, Tina, Nasim)

Bedilia (Nasim, Tina, Bobby, Andy, JBiebs)

~Commercial~

Lola (Tina, Bill, Bobby, Jason)

I appologize in advance for the large amount of commercials, it's because there's only 9 scenes tonight when there could have been 12 AND we were suppose to have 10 actually, featuring Seth being a stripper but it would air. Which really, really sucks because Seth was really excited about it and the network shut us DOWN. After taking my before show swim I talked to Tina, she is absolutely fine. I was surprised! I figured she'd be a little nervous for she hasn't been on the show for a while but...she was fine. By the way in case you're wondering why there's no monologue up there is because Tina didn't want to take any time away from the scenes. Which is funny because she's not even all of them! But I love her to bits and pieces so, we're cool. Ah well, as you can see Abby had to take one of Jenny's scenes because she's gone and Will didn't have any scenes this week anyways....maybe he planned it that way. Aah I'm so sad about Will and Jenny!! I cried and Julian was forced to console. Well I don't know about forced but he did. Speaking of Jules I went out to dinner with Jason tonight to talk to him about Jenny and Julian was texting me the entire time asking me if they had sex. They HADN'T. I thought that was kind of weird too....leave Abby for Jenny yet don't have sex with her...must have a great personality then...anyways! Yeah, Jason and dinner was fun, we ate at some italian place and brought home left overs! I love left overs. Because it means I don't have to buy food later. Which is awesome.

Money is no longer a problem for me....which is crazy. I've bought so much stuff it's incredible. Well so much to me, my dorm/apartment/room has hard wood floors, queen bed matress and frame, white walls, bathroom/shower, kitchen area, dishwasher, closet with hangers, and mini-fridge. So far I've bought a laptop, cell phone, bedding, curtains, plastic plates (dishwasher friendly!), pillows, towels, toothbrush, tooth paste, clothes (LOTS AND LOTS!), shoes, soaps, rugs, cork board, crap load of tacks, and a book shelf:on top of which are 8 books {Harry Potter series and the Bible [same thing right?]} and 5 pictures in frames; one being Julian and I downtown, one of the whole cast picture, one of the whole cast in Alaska, a picture of Will and I {just taken} and another of Seth and I right when we first met. On the cork board are all the schedules for scenes and episodes and general things to do and buy.

(time elapse 12 hours)

The show was great! A little bit quieter...but nonetheless hilarious! During Update I don't know if you saw the Weekend Update with Seth Meyers but he added at the end "Oh really? I had to get my leg and pubic hair ripped out so that I could wear a hooker costume in a sketch that won't even air! Did you have to do that today Christina?" which I wittily replied "I didn't have to.....but I did." big crowd pleaser. Very pleased with myself on that note. I'm a little dissapointed that 'Lola' didn't get as much laughs just because it was a video where the CGI was so clearly obvious. But I still thought it was funny, and in my book, I matter more. The new cast is coming today! Lets see what Amy Poehler has to say about them...something horrible I'm sure. Toodles!

Will Forte and Jenny Slate

Why now? I miss them already...

SNL received a heavy blow to the balls today. We'll start off with Jenny Slate. Last night at around 3am she walked into the NBC building drunk, paranoid, and high off of heroin. She had been doing this for a week now but nothing as severe and disturbing had happened until last night. She went up to Lorne Michaels room and banged on the door until he was awake and answered the door. With a knife in her hand she tried to puncture him in the face although Lorne swiftly blocked her bad aimed blows. Yelling out for help, Lorne pinned her down to the ground in his boxers and mere minutes later was security rushing in dragging Jenny away. Today as Nasim, Julian and I were doing homework Lorne asked all of us to gather around the conference room couch. Once everyone was assembled Lorne told us the news about what happened last night and that because of her actions and recent actions she would no longer be on the show. In other words she was fired after her first year. I'm terribly concerned for how she is and how her mental health is, hopefully Jason's got that under his belt. But hours later Will Forte asked all of us to do the same thing, gather round and list to the bad news waiting to come.

WILL

Hello everyone, no I'm not going to tell you Lorne stabbed me and I fired him, no but I...after tonight's show I won't be returning to Saturday Night Live. (gasps from the audience) It's been a great run, really but...I need to focus on my family. I mean I'm 40 years old! I can't do this forever. You guys are incredible and I love every single one of you. Well, except for Keenan-

KEENAN

Hey man...

NASIM AND CHRISTINA

HEY IS FOR HORSES-

EVERYONE

SHUT-UP!

WILL

Anyways, I know next season's going to be great...you're all really amazing. Thanks for being there for me throughout the last 8 years. (tearing up slightly) I'm just gonna miss you guys so much...

    

Once he put his head in his hands and started to cry I got up and hugged him like never before. Everyone then got up as well and we said our sympathies and kissed him on the cheek and such. Will's such a great guy, so funny, so weird, and so nice. He was such a commodity for this show and it's really sad to see someone with so much talent to go. Will if you're reading this I LOVE YOU LIKE THE BROTHER I NEVER HAD! God Bless....

Onto technicalities, we received the final cast list for Season 36 (which hopefully premiers next week with Joseph Gordon-Leviit however there is much controversy because of Will and Jenny leaving) it is:

~Repertory~

Fred Armisen

Abby Elliot

Bill Hader

Bobby Moynihan

Nasim Pedrad

Andy Samberg

Jason Sudeikis

Keenan Thompson

Kristen Wiig

~Featuring~

Vanessa Bayer

Paul Brittain

Christina Essenelle

Taran Killam

Jay Pharoah

My message to Jay, Taran, Paul, and Vanessa. GOOD LUCK. I'm not sure if you exactly know the madness you are stepping into but I certainly hope you don't end up like Jenny Slate and go into drugs and are constantly in a state of paranoia. We're meeting the cast tomorrow so I'm very excited, off of what the other cast members have told me this is what they're like:

Vanessa Bayer: Molly Ringwald look-a-like, Chicago native, very funny, stand-up comedian and improv champ, very 'butch'. Very humble, super man-like, best friend to be.

Jay Pharoah: FINALLY ANOTHER BLACK GUY! Now all we need is a black girl or an asian person...really sweet, down to earth, chicago-based impressionist, does awesome accents, might replace Fred's Barack Obama which will make him hated....DON'T DO IT JAY!

Taran Killam: Very, VERY, funny, lots of credentials, has been all around the world and has been in several movies, shows, and premiers. hot, sweet, and honest.

Paul Brittain: Literally all I have heard (from Abby directly) that he is RED hot. Definitely excited about that....maybe Abby and Nasim have new boy toy's...WHO KNOWS!

Throughout the duration of the blog more news has been told. Kristen will also be leaving SNL....HA no not really that was a joke. But Joseph Gordon-Levitt and James Franco are no longer hosting next week and the next unfortunately. Instead we have Amy Poehler with Katy Perry and Jane Lynch with either the GLEE cast or Bruno Mars (hopefully the GLEE cast cause they're awesome!!!). There's only an hour and a half till the show starts...Eeek!! SO, In conclusion, Will and Jenny will be missed. 

Orphan

I am mad. I had a little sleepover with Nasim last night and whenever we have little sleepovers we always  watch a scary movie online, so we chose Orphan. Knowing that it was a scary movie, I didn't think the freakin' kid would be a 30 year old homicidal maniac who loves dick, but that is in no way why I am mad. I'm mad because, do you know how many people saw this movie? More than 3, and how much do you want to bet they're never ever going to want to set foot on an adoption center? It sucks! The movie is almost telling people "Don't adopt, this will happen.". Which really isn't true at all, all we want is a home full of nice people who will take care of us, honestly. No one where I was from was saying "Hey when I get adopted I'm gonna kill the whole family" it's like....ridiculous. And really puts a taboo on russians as well cause this Esther chick was a psycho russian whore. Ugh, stupid movie makers. ADOPT DARN YOU STUBBORN PEOPLE.

Nasim, Abby and I have decided we're going Halloween caroling. I'm excited. So when we come to your apartment/condo open up! Cause we're dressed in old victorian dresses ripped and drenched in blood.

Day 5 {Tina Fey}

Today, is the hottest day in September and God knows why. Today I had an interview with NME and it was great! Really nice people, really great air conditioning. They gave me the link to it so I'll just put the questions and answers on here!

Q & A with CHRISTINA ESSENELLE

Q: What'd you think of leaving NYC for the first time to Alaska?
A: It was a great cultural experience! Alaska, unlike everyone else's perception of the state, isn't always convered in snow...that was the first thing I noticed to be honest. Then after that it was how absolutely gorgeous it was.
Q: I'm sure alaskians will just love that.
A: Yeah, maybe I can be their spokesperson.
Q: Sounds like a good idea! Now, out of all the cast members who would you say you're closest to? If you were to give a boy and a girl. And why?
A: I would say, Seth Meyers because he was the first person I met and he immediately took me in a basically called me his own, plus he's hilarious and I love his personality. Girl wise, I would say Nasim Pedrad because we just clicked immediately and she's so freakin' funny. So yeah I would say those two are my best friends, although it's funny because Seth really isn't that fond of Nasim so it's not like we're the three amigos or anything.
Q: Ha ha, that's too bad. How was your first time on Weekend Update Thursdays?
A: It was a blast, the audience was great-a little weird but-great.
Q: Out of all the scenes you've done on SNL which would you say is your favorite and why?
A: Definitely Roomies, with Nasim, Andy Samberg, and myself because it's a true story. While I was dating Andy, Nasim and I would hang out and Andy would greet me with a Hey! And Nasim and I have this thing where whenever someone says Hey! We respond with "HEY IS FOR HORSES AND CHICKENS AND FISH, HIT ME THREE TIMES AND I'LL GRANT YOU YOUR WISH, 1, 2, 3 BARRRACK-A-BACK-ABACK-A-BACK" and it continues until we end with a "BARACK OBAMA". Everyone on the cast hates us for it, but I personally think they're jealous just because we have such great inside jokes.
Q: Very funny, now not to be all "gossip-savy" but why did you and Andy Samberg break-up? I don't want to get the wrong story from tabloids.
A: Ha ha, it's okay. It was hard to date someone who was constantly gone doing interviews and magazine shoots and it just got to a point where I was having more fun being his friend than his girlfriend.
Q: Kind of hypocritical don't you think?
A: I'm sorry?
Q: You said it was because he was always on interviews and not with you, yet yesterday your new boyfriend Julian Casablancas was here for an interview yesterday and here you are today.
A: Well, interviewer, little did you know, I was standing outside that door yesterday for Julian and there he awaits today.
Q: Really? Well I stand corrected! Do you think Julian is a suitable match for you?
A: No comment.
Q: What can we expect on Saturday Night Live tomorrow?
A: Lots of laughs and Tina Fey!
Q: And one last question, what do you think of your fans?

A: I love you guys! You're really sweet and keep on watching SNL!

It was super fun! I hope to have another soon, by the way Julian says hi. And Voltron says lick

Concert

Who would've thought being on TV would get you recognized so easily. Someone recognized Keenan, Will, and Myself and we got to be down in the pit for the whole concert. Now of course Will ended up throwing up in front of the singer of Green River Ordinance but we still had a blast! After each show from each band they go back stage and sign autographs for whomever, and when Will, Keenan, and I went up their we got their autographs and they wanted ours as well!! Too funny. So I learned something about Will tonight. He is a raging SEX WHORE! I knew he was crazy sexual cause he makes those kind of jokes all the time but really Will?? Making out with 6, 6 different woman!! Then again you really can't blame him, he was incredibly drunk. Guess who wasn't driving last night...yeah. Speaking of driving, I'm pretty sure Fred is going to teach me how to drive. May God help him, because driving scares the hell out of me. And what's the point am I really going to have to drive in the city? No. But I guess if I wanna leave NYC. Which I only have once, and I didn't drive there either! I took a plane, and several busses, and a boat (ALASKA!) So here's the schedule for our next hosts and musical guests coming up

Tina Fey/ Justin Bieber
Joseph Gordon-Levitt/Dave Mathews Band
James Franco/Muse

I'm very VERY excited for Joseph Gordon-Levitt and James Franco because 1) I loved 500 Days of Summer, 2) Spider-Man was amazing, 3) They're both dead sexy. Finally we have some good musical guests too, I mean U2 screw you for cancelling at the last second and JBiebs isn't someone I want to be on SNL with. Speaking of beds, Julian's=love. Which reminds me, I never mentioned Julian's dogs did I? He has two dogs, one's a mini-husky (apparently called a puppy...yeah right) and the other looks like some new england dog I'm not sure which, I was never a breeder kind of person. The mini-husky is called VOLTRON, which is epic in itself, and the other little one is Balki who is the sweestest thing EVER, and sleeps with Julian and I in bed at night. But that's just my opinion. Speaking of opinions, another tabloid I found interesting.

CHRISTINA ESSENELLE SHINES IN SATURDAY NIGHT SPOTLIGHT

By Harold Coller

Think you had a rough childhood? Try being brought up by an evil overtaker who fed you a cup of goldfish a day. Christina Essenelle isn't just a girl with a troubled past, she's a miracle for 20 young children. Secretly sneaking into school she gained an education and rummaged food from off the streets for the rest of her 'family'. On September 3rd 2010, Essenelle was kidnapped by her own undertaker only to be rescued by co-stars Bill Hader, and ex-boyfriend Andy Samberg, and in that process the police stopped the madness spewing from the corrupted building and sent all the children to a different adoption center where 11 out of the 20 others have already been adopted due to press interference. During a Press Conference with the producer of Saturday Night Live, Lorne Michaels, Lorne stated "It's not where you end but where you start, and Miss Essenelle is a perfect example of that.". Christina became friends with the cast on August 12th and traveled to Alaska with them the week later to go for a surprise visit for Tina Fey who is hosting 'SNL' this Saturday. The entire cast, and Amy Poehler went and on the way home Will Forte had secretly filmed Christina performing for fun in front of the cast and sent the DVD to Lorne Michaels. She was accepted into the cast that very same day. The casting choices for 'SNL' have never been so dramatic as Essenelle's, ratings sky-rocketed, and critics were raving. Kimiko Corizani of the New York time raves, "She's beautiful, she's sincere, she's real, and on top of everything else she's hilarious. You know I'm talking about new cast member Christina Essenelle, literally pronounced S-N-L. She deserves to be there more than anyone else.". Some say Christina has hit her high point and a downward trend is imminent. However with guests like Tom Petty and the Heart Breakers and Jude Law, the episode overall would be pulled down because of those people, but every scenes Christina is in, makes the episode that much better. But how do the other cast members feel? Kristen Wiig, a member of the show for nearly 5 years has been in every single episode at least 4 times, is there competition between the girls for the spotlight? From off the street, Kristen Wiig responds to these claims, "You're all blowing the way out of proportion. Christina's my friend, not my competition, if anything we share scenes no one really has "The Lead" in a scene". She's hit her stride and has made friends with everyone on cast but things get better. The crushing loss for Christina Essenelle when her and Andy Samberg broke up, was short lived because Digital Short feauturette Julian Casablancas was there to hold her hand through the pain. About a week later they were seen holding hands on Ludlow and 65th. The new couple, deemed by other tabloids as 'Essenancas' has been living the high life, starting new fashion trends to boot. Christina Essenelle can be seen on Saturdays at 11:30 on NBC. Stayed tuned for more information on this rising new star in a bright wave, but will she crack in the lime light?  

Dear Harold Coller,

I refuse to crack. So begone, and do not promote Essenancas!!! Seriously!!

Sincerely,

Christina EssenELLE

Day 4 {Tina Fey}

As you may know, Weekend Update is filmed in front of a live audience on Thursday AND Saturday. So, Jason, Seth, Kristen and I got to sweat it out for the Thursday 3:30 crowd. A weird crowd indeed. But everyone laughed at the appropiate times, I would say Seth and Jason got the most laughs, then myself, then Kristen because Kristen's character wasn't as popular as some of her others. But she was very funny nonetheless. I got a huge round of applause when I sat down and that made me very, very happy. So I believe Seth was right when he said getting close with the fans was a bad idea. I got 17 letters today from people around the United States saying if we ever met that we should be best friends. I love the letters thank you! But I don't think I can actually hang out with all of you...nonetheless remember all of you! But thank you nonetheless.

Tonight is the Goo Goo Dolls/Green City Ordinance/Switchfoot Tour concert, and I'm going with Keenan and Will! I've heard of all of them and I think I like Switchfoot the most but Goo Goo Dolls is always a classic. We leave at 7pm so I'll get back to you on how the concert was. Onto a different topic, putting Nasim and I into a group together is never a good thing. Our English teacher has no idea what is in store for him...we were asked to be in groups that he numbered off and Nasim randomly made her way into my group. And we had to talk about the Puritans and their crazy effects on people. It was weird. Plain and simple. And weird....I forgot to mention this yesterday but Julian was asked to do an interview on his new album and the strokes in general and he invited me to come along! It was today at 4 and it was great! In fact there were several paparazzi following us there and we might be in some magazines this week for fashion styles again. Maybe! But while I was there the interviewer (a guy at a computer typing up questions) asked if I could come back tomorrow and do the same thing! So I'm very excited about that, I know it's not going to be as amazing as Jimmy Fallon's show but I'm willing to talk to anyone who asks me a question. Julian's interview was also typed up so I'll just copy and paste the interview into here and the video will be on youtube later on today or tomorrow because I believe they're adding some clips of Julian at the studio or something.

Q & A with JULIAN CASABLANCAS

Q: What part of the music process do you enjoy the most?
A: A recording is great cause it's, um, you know it's a stage where you kind of see things take shape and see things come to life, uh, unfortunately it's also the time where you kinda will never enjoy that piece of music again cause you gotta hear it 1000 times but uh, I think in general stage 1 of any process is my favorite.
Q: What was your goal in making Prazes For The Young?
A: Um, I guess it was to get the, capture the catchiness of modern music, um, but the same time kinda, uh, get like a power and seriousness of classical music or older music, um, I think I mean in general the goal is to inspire I guess I mean that's what art is suppose to do.
Q: How was it working solo as opposed to working with the band?
A: With uh, this record, you know I'm able to chase down any kind of idea, I can do whatever I want so it's fun, um but I wouldn't want to do that with the band, uh I think that uh is more of a collaborative, it's a group effort so yeah I like them both differently.
Q: How is The Strokes' 4th album coming along?
A: I think it's gonna be, I don't know, everyone always says it's the best yet,  I have no idea I think it's going to be pretty good, I'm excited to hear it, and make it.
Q: What bands are you listening to nowadays?
A: Ummm, there's actually a lot of cool bands out these days, I feel. Bay Roots, uh Telepathy, uh Dirty Projectors, Beach House I don't know I feel like there's more than like 5 years ago I didn't really know if there's that many bands that i loved but now I feel like there's 10 great bands at least.
Q: What is your favorite song of all time?
A: Probably change is gonna come.
Q: See any good movies lately?
A: Up, star trek, that's two movies
Q: Any final words for the fans?
A: Love you guys! Hang in there.

Sooooooooooo yeah! My interview is tomorrow and I'll get that sucker on here too, Toodles!

Day 3 {Tina Fey}

Today was a slow day....10am was the Sarah Palin Network (FUNNIEST THING EVER, JASON+TINA=LOVE) and at 3pm Bedilia (which you'll remember from Alec Baldwin...) and I was in neither of those so nothing really for me. But oh my Lord am I nervous for tomorrow. UPDATE WITH SETH MEYERS!! I have everything memorized and Seth and I have practiced to death today but God knows what could happen....YIKES! Ugh, Essenancas out.

Essenancas

Remember when I said Julian was giving out thank you notes to the oportunity they provided him? Yeah, well I didn't think I would get one too!!

Dear Christina,

So basically in every letter it says "Hey thanks kthnxbi" but you're just so damn cool I'm gonna write you something 10X better. I'm gonna write you a song. (Don't fucking sing that i'm not gonna write you a love songggg shit cause it's gross) But uh, you're gorgeous and I wrote this while thinking about the crazy antics we get into...like on Ludlow Street! 

 

Everything seems to go wrong when I start drinking,
Everything seemed to go my way last night.
Everything seems so wrong to me this morning,
I know things'll be brighter later tonight.

On Ludlow Street, Chinatown's coming on Ludlow Street.
Porta Ricans are runnin' on Ludlow Street,
Soon musicians will haunt it, On Ludlow Street
Red Indians once hunted,
And it's hard... to just move along.

While I surrendered my ego you fed yours,
All my fantasies died when you said yours,
I have dangled my pride to forget yours,
Will my mind be at ease when you get yours?
We'll find out, soon enough.

It started back in 1624,
The Lenape tribes would soon get
forced from their home.
Soon we'll all get pushed out now,as soon as I get sober.
I remember why I drank it all away,
On Ludlow Street.

Nauseous regrets are calling me on the phone,
My shoes they seem to be my only home,
The only thing to last will be my bones,
Oh tonight you'll hear the animalsnext door to you moan.

On Ludlow Street
Faces are changing on Ludlow Street
Yuppies invading on Ludlow StreetNight life is raging on Ludlow Street
History's fading.
And it's hard... to just move along.

While I surrendered my ego, you fed yours.
All my fantasies died when you said yours.
I have dangled my pride to forget yours.
Will my mind be at ease when you get yours?
We'll find out soon enough.

While they defended their ego, you fed yours.
All their fantasies died when you said yours.
They have dangled their pride to forget yours.
Will their souls be at ease when you get yours?
We'll find out soon enough.
I'll found out soon enough.

Hope you understood every word of that, 90% of it was inside jokes....haha you're hilarious, let's go sing at a bar.

 

JULIAN CASABLANCAS

 

...Let me explain. Today we were walking back to the NBC building, and to get their we cross Ludlow Street, a pretty normal street where nothing really happens...except today. There was a chinese parade from china town except some freaks set one of the dragons on fire by accident and the puerto ricans were the first to scream and run. During the whole ceremy there was a guy with a mega-phone telling us about the Lenape tribes and how they suffered for us and what not. So megaphone guy: this blog post is for you. In the beginning it talks about things going his way last night, well that's because he opened up to me (finally) about why he cut down immensly on drinking. Apparently, Jules had gotten so drunk once, he beat a man to death and has neevr forgave himself. I was a little shaken myself but I know what alcohol can do to people. He told me right before we went to sleep and he was sobbing in my arms. I've never seen him so true to his words. It was the first time we truely understood everything about eachother, every emotion. It was a....true moment.

 

My first tabloid!!! I'm excited in a bad way! Julian and I were on the cover of US Weekly (in those little boxes) and it was a picture of us from yesterday, him bringing me to school and under it said "Essenelle and Casablancas Dynamic Dress Duo?" and if you flip to page 57 it says

Newest Edition to popular late night show, "Saturday Night Live" Christina Essenelle is seen (right) with new boy toy Julian Casablancas going to her school. From what we know, Christina has nearly no clothes from the move from the adoption center to NBC so has she been borrowing from Jules? C'est chic! Julian and his skinny jean and band tee-shirt look is wonderfully supported by Christina's skinny jean and low-cut band-tee-shirt look. Matching sunglasses and hair styles is always a plus but, Jullian! Wash your hair!! Looks like another US Weekly do for the Essenancas!

Essenancas? Honestly and truely US Weekly? I really hope that doesn't stick, well..at least it's better than Samsenelle.

Day 2 {Tina Fey}

Today we filmed Brownie Husband the hands down FUNNIEST commerical I have ever filmed, watch it Saturday Night at exactly 11:34!

For the past few days Julian has been joining me to bed, most probably because he always comes in asking for us to leave and i Turn him down so he just goes to sleep with me, but last night was magical. I twisted my neck from something and it hurt to turn around. So when I was laying in bed and Julian sat down next to me and it hurt to even look at him, which of course got him to ask what was wrong. I then said through my pillow "My neck hurts" and him being the cutest most perfect boy in the entire universe sat on my back and massaged my neck for a full 15 minutes. His fingers washed over me like morphine, and the effect was instantaneous. Literally after a few seconds I relaxed instantly and my pain was relieved. We then made out and went to sleep. Just like old times huh? OH, JULIAN HAS SPIDER HANDS. Seriously, he's 6"1 so I kind of expected but it's crazy!! They're perfect for the piano but still...it's weird.

Auditions were today! Now, I signed up to go 2nd because I like getting back home early but NOOO some stupid rich bitch with a silver spoon up her ass decided to cross off my name, and normally in "Broadway, we wouldn't be nice enough to even LET you audition! But you can go last." I was suppose to go at 1, I went at 5. AND I had to stay the entire time because once you go out you can't come back in. Nasim and Abby were 20 and 21, Bobby, Keenan, Andy, and Bill were 3, 4, 5, 6, Kristen, Fred, Jenny, Will and Jason were 54, 55, 56 and 57,  and I was 167. So, it was quite lonely because Keenan, Andy and Nasim had to leave at 3 to go film, which meant Fred, Kristen, Will, and Bill had to leave to go mediate it. Jenny had a meeting with her therapist and she wasn't aloud to go along so Bobby went with her, which left me with Jason and Abby. It got awkward. Abby left first. So, Jason the little sweetheart he is stayed the entire 4 hours. If he wasn't dating Jenny I'd think he was flirting with me...but he is dating Jenny. Would I date him if him and Jenny weren't dating? I would ONLY if Julian and I weren't dating, or if I really REALLY hated him for some reason. So no not really.

Today we had a fire! School didn't burn down though....unfortunately...Abby, Nasim, and I were stuck with our sexy science teacher for 2 hours and all we did was talk in innuendos to him. He understood all of them and fired them right back. Such a silly...sexy...handsome man. Oh if only everyone on SNL read this blog...I would be dead....haha. Teacher would be fired and Julian would punch me in the face and then havesex with me. So nothing too bad! Speaking of Julian, he has the most amazing handwriting, in fact he's a caligrapher! I caught him writing thank you notes to the whole cast (things we get a lot, more on that later) and he was writing in pen every little intricate detail. It was truely incredible. Which leads me to my next point! FAN MAIL. Oh my GOD do I love fan mail! There's always at least 10 letters from somewhere and we all read them outloud whenever we can, I've gotten 4 fan mail before and the one I got today was the cutest thing ever!

To The Newest Edition of the SNL Family: Christina Essenelle <3
You are so AMAZING!! I can't believe I'm even sending this letter obviously you know how amazing you are toherwise you wouldn't be on the show but I LOVE you! Literally you are like the coolest person ever, if i were to fly out to new york and you saw me I would just DIE because you'd be looking at me and thinking about what I was doing and I'd be thinking about you and all your scenes and you helping those kids and you being trapped in that adoption place and the mean old lady!!! It's like Cinderella! GOSH I'm soooo jealous. My mom only lets me stay up to watch the show because she knows what you do and how clean and pure you are and what not because you don't drink or do drugs like the rest of the SNL people do. ANNDDD Your last name IS S N L! That's SOOOOO cool!! I wanna change my name to that but then it'd be weird cause it doesn't really go...but i'm visiting new york soon and i have a tour to the building you work in so I hope I get to see you!!! I know you still go to school and all so maybe you might be there and maybe JUST MAYBE YOU'LL SEEE MEEEE. But I'm sure you won't even read this but then again I read on your blog that you gave that kid a dollar cause you felt so bad so MAYBEEE. I LOVE YOU YOU'RE AWESOME HAVE A GREAAAAT DAAAYYY

Your Number 1 Fan
Elizabeth Essenelle # 2

So Elizabeth this one's for you!

Day 1 {Tina Fey}

We're finally letting Tina on the show, with Justin Bieber or as I call him J Biebs. For some reason Seth decided to do obnoxiously long scenes for the show so there are only 9 scenes to be filmed instead of the usual 12. I've got 3 scenes this week, Brownie Husband, Teacher, and Update!! Sooooooo happy about being on Weekend Update with Seth because not only is it my first time but I'm coanchoring!! EEEEEEEEEE, I hope I don't screw up. Today we filmed "Teacher" with Tina and J Biebs...I gotta say that kid knows full fleding that everyone hates him, not on SNL but in the world. Although he's pretty "A'ight". But it is annoying how he acts black when he is chalk white, Keenan was making fun of him earlier because his impression of him was just Keenan being Keenan. Pretty funny actually.

At school today, Andy decided to walk with Bobby, Nasim, Abby and I...it was pretty weird. I mean when we were dating he wouldn't even get up that early. Either he's trying to win me back or just woke up really early that morning. I mean it got Julian questioning it, and I gave him the same response "I have no idea!" Super. Super. Weird. OH, so in English all three of us have the same teacher and boy oh BOY does he look like Julian with shorter hair. It's actually really frightening how much Mr. P looks like Julian, he wears the same clothes (minus the sunglasses) have the same weird cheeks and eyelids (no offense Julian if you're reading this) although Mr. P has WAY shorter hair. But I still can't help myself from staring lustfully at this man just because he resembles my boy Jules...

So remember when I said everyone in SNL has to try out for an Improv Team? Well, I didn't know that meant they wouldn't all get in, in fact Nasim and Abby both didn't get in and it was super awkward looking at the list, just the four of us. Although, they apparently shortened the teams down so much that they're combining the adult and school leagues. Here's the list, first the ladies then the men

1. Christina Essenelle
2. Kristen Wiig
3 Amy Poehler (i know i can't believe her and tina even tried out xD)
4 Tina Fey
5 Maya Rudolph (old SNL person along with ana, molly, and rachel whom I love!)
6 Ana Gasteyer
7 Molly Shannon
8 Rachel Dratch
9 Jenny Slate
10 Chelsea Handler (SUPER excited for her)
11 Josh Meyers (SETH'S BROTHER OMG)
12 Jimmy Fallon
13 Bobby Moynihan
14 Seth Meyers
15 Bill Hader
16 Jason Sudeikis
17 Keenan Thompson
18 Andy Samberg
19 Will Forte
20 Fred Armisen

Another requirement for SNL otherthan being on an Improv team is auditioning for Broadway. SNL likes to broaden their horizon of "we've had this person from here". So I've been working for HOURS with Kristen and Fred on my 1 minute EXACTLY monologue from Dying Light by Jason D. Martin. It's a great monologue but I had to cut it down, I probably won't get in but maybe I can work backstage or something...The play is "The Dining Room" heard of it? I haven't.

Last night was hilarious to say the least. Julian and I went to a bar and were coaxed on stage and the audienced screamed for ME to sing one of Julian's song while he play the guitar. And the thing about the bar is that whatever money is thrown at you on stage you get to keep, we made a shitload. In fact, the bar called Julian today and asking if we could perform once in a while. Yeah, that was a definite no. No matter how much money we made (1700 OFF TWO SONGS) stuff gets old if its repeated. But we were still awesome. Not to brag or anything. And I'm sure you're thinking to yourself, wow Julian Casablancas spends a lot of time in the NBC building don't you think he'd be kicked out or something by now. Well now he LIVES here, yeah! SNL had an extra dorm and he took it, 109 is Julian's room...super weird.

SNL has this thing where we watch TV together, but only certain shows and not all of us watch it together. For example, Mondays is House so in the conference room/living room Seth, Fred, Kristen, Will, Kennan, Bill, and Bobby congregated on the couch while Nasim, Abby and I sat on the floor, I resting my head an back ontop of Julian and Jason resting his head on my legs. The show was great, I just wished Andy and Jenny would be more social to watch it...Tuesdays are Glee/Bad Girls Club/Hair Battle Spectacular, Wednesdays are Top Chef, Thursday are Survivor, Fridays are Talk Soup, Saturdays are US, and Sundays are Jon Stewart and Steve Colbert. We're such a family...such a big family with big problems...

After Show Antics

I don't think we've had so many technical difficulties in one episode. At least three times we had to cut to another commerical because we didn't have some of the videos lined up properly. All the videos were great, and all the scenes were great as well. Keenan was a big hit tonight. During our Twilight Scene Pearl Jam decided to come onto the set (during the performance!) and be the scary creature haunting Jude Law with Bobby, it worked out perfectly and Bill even changed his line to suit the random occurence. Talk show with Ravish was another huge hit, very happy over that one but if I were to pick a favorite moment from the whole episode it would be at the end clap when Julian and Bobby came running out and douced me with sparkles and we played on the stage with them for about an hour. People even stayed to watch, most likely will be on youtube later on tonight or tomorrow morning. Currently I am in bed and it's 12:03, I literally just woke up with Julian still sleeping next to me. I don't know if I've mentioned this already but the background to my laptop is just a bunch of pictures of julian...it's beautiful.

The after party was great! Our week's host is Tina Fey with musical guest Justin Bieber which should be interesting. It's interesting because half the world hates him, and the other half (being teenage girls) love him. But you have to be 18 and older to come and see the show so...it should be interesting. I left a note on Julian's forehead saying that I'm going to the class...he's so cute when he's sleeping...

(time elapse 8 hours)

Just got out of the shower, and ate dinner already, and before that I saw a movie with Jenny and Jason! "Easy A" total chick flick but super funny. Jason just kind of watched it with a grain of salt...poor Jason. I'm in a bunch of scenes this week so I'm very excited about that! TODAY IS JIMMY FALLON'S BIRTHDAY! Happy Birthday Jimmy! Man there's been a lot of birthday's the week...  More on it later, I have homework to do. Toodles!

Jude Law hosts SNL

Today is Saturday! What does that mean you say? That means it's the most hectic day of the week and there's no time to post anything! So, every at the studio is OUTRAGED. Utterly and completely PISSED OFF. Why you ask? Well, our censor board of supervisors (whom of which we hate) removed 2 scenes from tonight's performance, two of which were Jenny's and now she only has 2...which really, really sucks. Also, Bobby was knocked down a scene and so was Fred and Bill. Truely unfair because now we have to have two extra Pearl Jam performances. Which puts a little too much pressure on them because know they have to play extra songs which I'm sure they won't want to play and they'll have to lip sync it and someone will find out and then Pearl Jam will look bad and it'll come back to us for making them play so many songs. Which SUCKS. Ugh. Here's our line-up

Massa: Bobby, Kristen, Andy, Bill, Jason, Will
Monologue: Jude Law
Prius: Abby, Keenan
Secret Word: Bill, Keenan, Fred, Kristen, Jude
Broadview Security: Bill, Myself, Andy, Will, Fred
Spain: Nasim, Myself, Jude
~Pearl Jam Performance~
Boombox: Andy, Julian, Bobby, Fred, Myself
Weekend Update: Seth, Keenan, Jerry Seinfeld!!!
Twilight Zone: Bill, Nasim, Abby, Bobby, Jenny, Jude
~Pearl Jam Performance~
Audition: Bill, Andy, Nasim, Bobby, Jason, Jude
Underground: Nasim, Jason, Bobby
Secretary: Fred, Kristen, Bill, Jude
Ravish: Fred, Myself, Bobby, Jenny, Jude
End Clap

Unlike last week's episode I have to actually be participating, for not all my scenes are back to back in the beginning. Although 2 of mine are filmed so I don't have to be on stage (Boombox and Broadview Security) Speaking of Boombox, OH EM GEE! Akiva and Jorma are SO funny. Jorma is just this freak and Akiva is SO sexual. We basically became best friends on set. Andy was just his usual Andy-ness, although you could feel the awkward radiating from everyone's body when Julian walked on set. Clearly, Jorma and Akiva were slightly more aware of Julian's emotions than Andy was. Basically how this whole Digital Short came to be was that the record label for Andy's group "The Lonely Island"  had bought this big house, kind of looked like the one from Fresh Prince of Belair, and to break it in we decided to film most of our scenes there with lots and LOTS of props. I think the funniest part of the whole shoot was that the whole thing was suppose to be techno or grunge if you will, so Julian dressed as himself, and Andy dressed in this ridiculous giant silver sneakers, black dress pants, red shirt, black vest, silver trench coat, this crazy blonde buzzed wig, and ray bans. Super funny. Bobby played a nurse who stole old people's money and Fred was a spanish dude doing the Bart man. Although we had some really cool sets because Andy was doing some of his lines in front of stacks of boomboxes and there was glitter EVERYWHERE. I still have some in my hair and mouth.

I had a SAT Prep class today and it SUCKED. Everyone in the class is so arrogant because they're smarter than me and got an actual education whereas I faked my way into mine. Abby, Nasim and Bobby felt bad but they really couldn't do anything about it. I started to cry just at the helplessness of my situation, and I just felt...dumb. After the SAT Prep class I saw Julian and he noticed that I was upset, so of course him being the cutest thing in the universe got sad as well and tried cheering me up. Saying how everything would be alright and that everyone in that room didn't make nearly as much money as I already had and just...nice things to say. Julian is many things, and I'm happy sincerity is one of them.

Jason and I have been really close lately, he broke up with Abby just today and I'm assuming he's still hooking up with Jenny. Speaking of hooking up, remember when I said I had glitter in my mouth? Well, Akiva gave us all sparkles to blow into the camera and so Andy and Julian creepishly started to lick them (as a joke, people!) and Andy started to spit them on the ground cause they stuck to things better with saliva. After coating eachother with spit embelished sparkles they snuck up behind me and stuck a hundred spit sparkles on my face, I screamed and told them that it was gross. Then of course Jorma and Akiva came up behind me with a bucket of sparkles and dumped them on my head. It took a consecutive 2 HOURS to get every sparkle out of my hair. Although I think they actually ran out of sparkles...oh, so Julian was just about done with filming when on set in front of the rolling camera he and Andy beckoned me to come over and Jorma shouted out my name. I went over and Akiva behind the camera said "Christina, Julian and Andy wanted to do a slow-mo scream wanna do it?" I gladly agreed. Then Julian and Andy got on either side of me and Akiva counted down...3....2....1....and both Andy and Julian spit about 600 sparkles into my mouth and all over my hair and face. Jorma and Akiva were laughing hysterically and I couldn't help but laugh as well. Julian pulled me in and kissed my forehead in a "You're fine, shut-up" kind of way. Was I mad? Yes, did I really care? Not really.

Julian's the kind of person who will sneak up to you in the middle of the night just to watch you sleep and kiss you sweetly during nightmares. I woke up the other night while he was consoling me for a nightmare that I was having. Having my head on his chest and his arms around me is such a sweet comfort that it's hard to even explain it. He's just...amazing. I'll write more after the show/party. More on that later!

And by the way, today is Jason's birthday! Happy Birthday Jason!! We all sang to him happy birthday during the end clap and had an even more intense after party because of it!

Day 5 {Jude Law}

Yes I do realize that today is technically it is Day 6 but I usually don't report on day 6 until after the show.
Yesterday we filmed two scenes, one of which I was in and I think you'll LOVE it. I play a little boy named Ravish who's only aspiration is to be a talk show host so his dad (Fred Armisen) can make lots of money. Jude Law was my guest host. Also, last night we had the biggest party at the NBC building last night! It's called the "NBC Kick-Off Party!" and they have it every year. Every in the entire building was invited to this huge warehouse that can hold up to 1000 people. It. Was. EPIC! Everyone was there, there was guitar hero being played. Super fun party, everyone got drunk On a different note, I felt bad for Nasim because lately I've been always been hanging out with Julian so we decided to have a sleepover and it was super fun. We watched late night freak flicks and talked till 4am. Nasim is so cool like that, so easily relatable. Definitely my best friend, although she's fucking crazy. I was on the phone with Andy the other day and he was hanging out with Julian, and I asked Andy to put him on the phone and I accidently told Julian about the Digital Short (it was supposed to be a secret) and Andy said I should join him and Jorma and be in it too! So, I'm very excited about that.

Day 4 {Jude Law}

Secrets amoungst friends don't last long when you live with them

I have good news! Finally we have a band for Saturday Night!! Pearl Jam has thankfully taken the spot of U2 and we can finally stop freaking out. Plus Pearl Jam is great so it's not as though we got a sucky band or something. Now, on the agenda for Day 4 I've got to talk on: 1)last night, 2)Andy at lunch, 3)Homeless chicks, 4)Filming, 5)Jason 6)Auditions.

So, last night at around 11 there was a knock at my door. I yelled to just come in and it was Julian, gawking at me because I was already in bed. He kept poking me telling me that we were going to go party. I of course refused because I was tired and had school. He kept asking to go and I would give him the same answer. He then climbed onto my bed and gave me the cutest, saddest look I've ever seen. While he was asking he kept raising the stakes, i.e. If I kiss you on the cheek will you go?, to which he would kiss me on the cheek and I would refuse him still (IT WAS HARD!!) then he would get closer and say 'If I kiss you on the nose will you go?' and I would again have to refuse him. Next he said 'If I kiss you on the lips would you go?' and before he could kiss me I turned away knowing that I would give in if he did kiss me on the lips. He then said "Ohhh I see your weakness now!" then he stood up on my bed legs over my body and started to tickle me so that I would look at him and kiss him. It worked. We kissed for a solid minute and he then whispered "Now will you go?" I bit my lip and put my head in my pillow saying NO!. He would then tickle me and eventually he stopped saying that the Tickle Monster had gone on vacation to Malibu. And he left. A few minutes later I noticed the light fill up the room and didn't say anything, assuming it was Julian/Tickle monster ready for round 2. Instead Julian jumped on my bed and wrapped his arms around me and said "If you won't come with me, I'll just have to stay with you" and he kissed the back of my neck" I giggled and a few minutes later stated "I know this is going to sound super weird but...it feels so nice in your arms...you know...feels safe" he didn't say anything for a few seconds then leaned up to my ear and said "That's not weird at all...you weirdo" I laughed again and fell asleep in his arms.

Andy decided to come to lunch at my school today. He was all boyfriendy and it didn't feel right...Nasim, Bobby, and Abby now think that Andy and I are still dating partially because I told Nasim that there was nothing between Julian and I, just that we were really good friends. I honestly don't know what to do at this point. I want to be with Julian, I don't want to be with Andy anymore. But how could I leave him just because Julian persuaded me that he was better than Andy? And isn't it unfair to Andy that just because he went to two press conferences that I would break up with him? I mean...Andy said he loved me...but I am getting sick of his constant drunkness...this is all too much, I honestly can't handle two love-sick puppies at once. I don't know how to break up with Andy...I mean I still want to be his friend...maybe we can just separate just in case things with Julian fall through...yeah I think I'll do that tonight.

The NBC building guards have really been pushed to their limits this week. There has been a rapidly popular trend with homeless chicks lately, I think that they believe they'll get the same ride I did just because they're homeless or an orphan. So, I decided to take some initiative and took one of Amy's mega-phones and told them that they have to quit with the nonsense. Since most of them were only doing this because of me they actually left. It was the single most empowering moment of my life, I've never felt so influential. But I think it's ridiculous that kids would be RUDE and think they'll get what I got. What I got what a miracle, and I don't think that everyone gets that nowadays. Hopefully tomorrow they won't be back with more numbers trying to burn down the buildings while wearing I hate Christina T-shirts.

Filming today was slow. Jude Law was gone for the day because the two things we filmed did not include him, every thursday is Weekend Update's with Seth Meyers' film days because it just always has been like that ever since Weekend Update existed. And this morning at 10 Abby and Keenan filmed a commerical so it has been a very slow day. But we love slow days at SNL, because whenever things get hectic, stuff gets broken and people get angry. Speaking of people getting angry, Jenny is seeing a therapist for her paranoia which Abby gladly goes to her with. Thats the thing with Abby, she is such a sweetheart and cares about nothing else than to make someone happy, or just to brighten someone's day. In Conclusion! Filming is slow, Jenny is being helped, and Abby is awesome.

(time elapse 2 hours)

Jason, jason oh sweet jason...we've grown so fond of eachother over the past few hours...He's in a similar situation to mine except worse. He was dating Abby while dating Jenny. Kind of like how I'm dating Andy but so clearly dating Julian. Well, we decided to help eachother out. So now I'm not dating Andy anymore (officially) and he's not dating Abby anymore, but we've decided to keep Jenny and Julian low key for about a week or so, because it's polite. Both Julian and Abby are clueless, how they should be at this point. But I'm still fond of him deeply. Now my ratings of people are so different...it used to be Andy Samberg, Seth Meyers, Nasim Pedrad, Abby Elliot, Bobby Moynihan, Bill Hader, Jason Sudeikis, Fred Armisen, Kristen Wiig, Keenan Thompson, Will Forte, and Jenny Slate, but now it's Nasim Pedrad, Jason Sudeikis, Seth Meyers, Bobby Moynihand, Abby Elliot, Fred Armisen, Bill Hader, Will Forte, Andy Samberg, Jenny Slate, Keenan Thompson, and Kristen Wiig. But again the first 3 are 10s etc. OH, Today is Amy Poehler's Birthday!! Happy Birthday Amy! We all went to a bar and had lots of fun, I'm probably the only one who remembers it.

Auditions for Comedy Sportz were today. Every on SNL is required to be on a sketch comedy team whether it be high school league or adult league. At the end of the year the two leagues face eachother, but auditions were today and I think I did well...still super nervous though because I know Bobby, Abby, and Nasim will get in but it'd be super awkward if I didn't...AAH! And the list goes up monday (A.K.A. NOT TODAY OR TOMORROW) Well I've had enough freaking out for one day, I'll probably write again tonight about more antics. But for now I must go to dinner. Toodles.  

Day 3 {Jude Law}

8am I wake up to Nasim pounding on my door. I immediately spring up but realize that I am constricted, by a person. I scream and fall off my bed only to be laughed at by Andy Samberg. Once I realized that it was just Andy I threw my arms around him and he just laughed. I asked him why he was home to early and he said that SETH had called him ASKING for him to come back because I MISSED HIM. I covered up my obvious hatred for Seth at the moment and said that I was happy that he was back. I told Andy that I had to go ask Seth a script question and threw on some clothes and stomped over to Seth's office. Here's the conversation

SETH

(CHRISTINA slams open the door) Oh hey, I figured you'd stomp in this early. What's up?

CHRISTINA

You know damn well what's up! I missed Andy and I wanted him back home? When the FUCK did I exult this emotion to you?

SETH

Oh I don't know, maybe this can be a wake-up call for you. ANDY is your boyfriend not Julian! I find it appaling that you would even LET Julian sing you such a clearly obvious plea for love.

CHRISTINA

So, you assumed this was your problem then? That you could solve it all on your own? (without warning she sighs and lowers her pointed fingers) Andy is never here...I need someone who will appreciate me and actually be here to do that. 

SETH

(a pained expression crosses his face and he calms down as well) You're right...I shouldn't have gotten involved, are you going to break up with Andy then?

CHRISTINA

(a thought crosses her mind for a split second and she acts upon instinct) I already did. Just now.

SETH

Oh...well I'm sorry. Do you not want to be in any scenes with him for the next few episodes then?

CHRISTINA

No it was a more mutual thing. We'll still be friends it's just...you really didn't have to drag him over here. 

SETH

Well...hang in there kiddo. Are you going to date Julian now?

CHRISTINA

Yeah...I think I'll tell him after school today.

SETH

Which you should be at. Run along.

CHRISTINA

(jokingly) Okay DAD.

And I left. School was school. I had to leave at 10 to film which was SUPER fun, Jude Law was still creepy and nice. Giving little pats on the back here and there. After school I had filming as well from 3-7 with just Nasim and Jude. Which was also very fun because Nasim and I played Jude's love interests. After 7, Bobby, Nasim, Abby and myself did homework and after I went to go find Julian, I headed toward Room 109 in the nicest outfit I could find and knocked. He opened it about a minute later holding a bowl of cereal leaning on the door post. I smiled and took the bowl from his hands and placed it on the counter behind him. He gave me a confused look and pointed to the cereal bowl saying "Not a cereal fan?". I then placed both of my hands on his shoulders and kissed him passionately. At first he was shocked then he put his hands on my waist and kissed back. We backed into the room and I kicked the door closed behind us, he then moved me and we made-out against the wall near the door with my back up against it. I then lifted my leg and he grabbed my theigh and rubbed it as we were kissing. He tongue was so smooth against mine and his hair was so soft against my hands. It was angelic. I loved every single second, I know Andy was definitely not "the one" because there was a certain magic about Julian that made the kiss so passionate and flavorful. He moved from my lips to my neck and began sucking gently giving a little nip here and there. I inhaled sharply in pleasure. He smiled into my neck and kissed back up to my lips. He let my leg down and started to run his hands along the sides of my body when there was a knock at the door. 

We both gave eachother pitiful looks and he told me to go into the closet. He opened the door and it was Seth, he told Julian that I had just broken up with Andy and that I would probably be coming over here soon. He also told Julian to be careful because a lot of the other cast mates had feelings for me and it could get ugly, he also told Julian that Seth had cared for me deeply and that if anything had happened to me because of Julian, Seth would be the first person punching him in the face. Julian was clearly taken aback and he thanked Seth and promised to keep me safe. After the door closed he opened the closet and I was standing there mouth agape, completely shocked that Seth had said that. Julian smiled and grabbed me by the waist and kissed me long and hard on the lips until I had no more breath and he then moved to my ear and whispered "Now you didn't tell me you had broken up with Andy already...." I smiled and whispered back "I was getting to that..." he laughed again and gave me a few short sweet butterfly kisses. He whispered in my ear again "Miss Essenelle...I was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with me this sunday night?". I blushed and kissed him on the lips again, "I'd be delighted" then he thought for a few seconds and said "You know what, wanna skip that and I can be your boyfriend?" I laughed and nodded, saying sure. Then he grabbed me by the wrist and flung the door open "Now come on! I can finally walk around with you holding hands in public." I bit my lip and did so, hoping to God Andy wouldn't walk down the hallway asking what the hell was going on.  

Sing Off

Every now and then, we have a sing off since everyone on SNL is required to be able to have a nice singing range and not sound like dying cats. Except for Andy Samberg because he's just that cool. That was mean I take it back...sort of. Here's the line-up!

1. The lovely and talented BILL HADER
2. The always sexy and powerful KRISTEN WIIG
3. The man behind the madness FRED ARMISEN
4. Thebeast in the sheets and out NASIM PEDRAD
5. That sexy guy from across the street JULIAN CASABLANCAS

I'm going to assume that Julian's going to play my original composition then, I just have a feeling...

JULIAN

Hey! You should come to the "Sing Off!" tonight!

CHRISTINA

Sure, sounds like fun!

JULIAN

Promise?

CHRISTINA

Yes, geez take it easy killer.

(THREE HOURS LATER)

JULIAN

You're coming tonight right?

CHRISTINA

Yes Julian you asked me before. Why do you want me to go so bad? Nothing waiting for me there is there?

JULIAN

Maybe.

I mean clearly he has to play that song right.

(time elapse: 3 hours)

He played the song he wrote for me! It was...amazing to say the least. Although there was a repeated phrase that stuck out in my head "How could you be so perfect for me?" I think he likes me. Wait no, I knew he liked me but I didn't think he'd actually say anything about it because of Andy and everything. After he was done singing I was practically on my knees and his last notes were 1....0....9. I turned to Nasim and gave her a pitiful look and Kristen leaned over and said "If you don't run after him I will beat you with Will's testicles" and both Will and Fred turned over and said "HEY!" so I chased after him and before I left I saw Seth's pulling out his phone. I ran down the halls as fast as I could to Room 109. When I finally got there there was a black and white dress on the door that had a sign on it saying "Try me!". I went to the nearest bathroom and found Jenny in there putting on make-up. After saying hello and putting on the dress I walked out and asked if I could use some of her make-up. The this conversation errupted

 CHRISTINA

So, where've you been lately?

JENNY

Oh, you know me..just hiding...

CHRISTINA

(laughing slightly) You're not serious are you?

JENNY

No I am... (suddenly breaking down in tears she holds up a pregnancy stick) at the VMAs someone drugged me! Someone gave me Roofies Christina! God knows what I did last night... 

CHRISTINA 

(looking at the pregnancy stick) Well you're not pregnant...wait but Jenny! You were with us the ENTIRE night!

JENNY

What'd you mean?

CHRISTINA

You left with us to the VMAs, sat with us, partied with us, and left with us. 

JENNY

Yeah and then what?

CHRISTINA

Then...we split up...I don't know Julian carried me to my room.

JENNY

Why did he carry you....? Nevermind that's beside the point but, I think I did something after that because I don't remember the VMAs at ALL.

CHRISTINA

How do you know for sure you were drugged?

JENNY

I went to the hospital and did one of those tests...they said there was a large amount in my blood...oh God Christina...

CHRISTINA

Come on let's take you to someone.

JENNY

No! I can never show my face again!

CHRISTINA

(forcing her out the door) First person in the cast we see is helping you, get over it.

JENNY

Christina...please.

CHRISTINA

Jenny, trust me the more you tell people the more insignificant it seems. 

JENNY

But...

CHRISTINA

(seeing ABBY down the hall way, she throws JENNY into ABBY's arms) Jenny explain to her! I have to go!

I made my way back to Julian's room and knocked on the door. I heard him call out saying that the door was open. I opened it and saw him standing there in a full on tuxedo, he looked adorable. I gave him a huge hug and he closed the door behind us. In front of us sat a beautiful picnic waiting to be devoured and loved. I smiled hugely because of all the effort he put into this. Andy would never do something like this...would he? He prepared a salad course (which was fantastic) and orzo salad course (which was delicious) and a dessert course (full of chocolately goodness). We were talking happily until a little bit after the dessert course

 JULIAN

Christina...you're dating Andy aren't you?

CHRISTINA

(long pause) Yeah...

JULIAN

(another long pause) Why're you dating him? He's not even here half the time and do you think he's all by himself at those parties and clubs? Christina he's not worth your time...come on I know you know there's something between us...you have know. I didn't write that song for someone else, I know I'm perfect for you...I just know it...Christina please...

CHRISTINA

(standing she turns away from him) I-I just don't know. I can't...I don't know...(she walks to the door, JULIAN grabs her arm and she turns to face him. He notices she has tears in her eyes)

JULIAN

Christina... (looking into her eyes deeply) If you love him I...I understand it's just...you can't say that there's nothing between us I mean, you came here...instead of some other world- 

CHRISTINA

(smirking) -then pissing on your casket.

JULIAN

(lifting up her chin) Now there's the Christina I remember.

CHRISTINA

(looking down she realizes something) Julian...I-

JULIAN

(he presses his fingers against her lips shushing her) It's okay...I get it, I thought the song would change your mind though, but I guess-

CHRISTINA

(kissing him on the cheek) trust me Julian, the feeling is mutual...I just can't process this emotion yet...if that makes sense (turning she opens the door, she gives one last fleeting look at JULIAN who has his hand still on his cheek where she had kissed him) Goodnight.

  

And I left.