Today has been the craziest, most insanely intense Saturday before an SNL show...of my LIFE.
I woke-up from my 4 hour slumber and got ready for my interview. Then at around 7:45AM I got in my schnazzy, ridiculously expensive car and drove over. At 8AM I went to interview and NAILED-IT. It was with Graham Linehan and we really got along well, I'm very excited to maybe get to work with him. Plus I'd be back in London to be on TV and I really do miss me some BBC TV..
It's been pouring all week here in NYC and I'm not really a boots kind of person, so I've been rockin' my flats all through these puddles...I think I'm getting a cold because of it. Ah well, I'm not snotty yet so here's hoping. Anyways, the point to my rainy comment is because I met someone. Someone really awesome...and it was all because of rain.
It was around noon when I decided to take an afternoon stroll over to Magnolia's to get some nice cupcakes. Julian had been working with Ryan a lot this week because the Strokes are no longer on tour so he really wanted to get some work underway. At the time I was wearing a baseball cap, sunglasses, scarf, leather jacket, skinny jeans, and flats, so I wasn't very recognizable. Anyways, I was walking to Magnolia's and the line was just obscene so I turned around to go outside when I see that it's pouring. Perfect. So, hoping my hat will suffice I go outside and try to talk covered alleys back home to NBC. Walking, I'm in my own element, just thinking about absolutely random things like economics and improvisation (seriously if I wasn't in TV I would be an economist) and as I walk I step on this big piece of glass and I just hit the pavement yelling. Someone took notice. Looking up at the sky I try to wash away the blood from the rain when this man in sunglasses and a hoodie kneels down next to me
MAN
Hey are you alright?
CHRISTINA
Yeah, sorry, I stepped on some glass.
MAN
Here lemme see.
CHRISTINA
Oh you don't-(he grabs her foot and she winces slightly and he looks scathingly at the task at hand)
MAN
What'd you jump on it?
CHRISTINA
No! It was an accident.
MAN
Well. (he puts his hand on the piece of glass and looks at her) Tell me about yourself.
CHRISTINA
(looking at her foot, she looks back up at him skeptically) I'm good...
MAN
No like what's your name. Or where you're from. (she looks back at her foot) Don't worry about your foot, tell me something.
CHRISTINA
(not wanting to shock him over her name or job description she chooses not to say) I'd rather not say to be honest.
MAN
I'm not a murdering rapist, just a friend.
CHRISTINA
No it's not that, it's just, not to sound arrogant, but my name is known and it'd make things weird.
MAN
Really?
CHRISTINA
Yeah...what's your name?
MAN
Can't say.
CHRISTINA
We're really going to play this game?
MAN
For the same reason you can't.
CHRISTINA
(jokingly)Is that true or are you just being mean?
MAN
(he laughs) It's true!
CHRISTINA
(laughing) Okay, well this sucks. You can call me Stephanie if you want.
MAN
I'll be Luke.
CHRISTINA
Alright Luke. Can you say your job?
LUKE
Nope! You?
CHRISTINA
No-AH! (at that exact moment LUKE ripped out the glass and threw it at the wall and it shattered even more. CHRISTINA grabbed onto LUKE's jacket, gritting her teeth)
LUKE
And how are we feeling today...
CHRISTINA
Oh sweet lord why....
LUKE
Here, stay still. (he takes some tissues from his pocket and holds them to her foot)
CHRISTINA
I hope you're a very, very famous doctor and that's why you can't say...
LUKE
(sarcastically)That's it. You got me.
CHRISTINA
(sarcastically) I'm a winner today Luke.
LUKE
Good thing too, only winners get glass in their feet.
CHRISTINA
You know it. (taking a hair tie from her wrist she places it over her foot to hold the tissues) I hope you don't mind me taking these tissues...
LUKE
(jokingly)You want them? These were my grandmothers.
CHRISTINA
May she rest in peace.
LUKE
In hell.
CHRISTINA
Bad lady?
LUKE
Bad habits.
CHRISTINA
(she laughs loudly) You know, you're alright.
LUKE
You're not too bad yourself. (he helps her up and she cringes as she walks on her foot past LUKE)
CHRISTINA
Thank you so much, it was really nice to meet you but I really ought to be getting home.
LUKE
Your mom want you?
CHRISTINA
(she laughs) I wish.
LUKE
Ooh, parental problems?
CHRISTINA
Don't have any parents.
LUKE
So yes.
CHRISTINA
(she laughs) Yes I suppose that could be considered a problem, but I make due.
LUKE
(he makes a pitiful face)Lemme take you home, you can barely walk as it is.
CHRISTINA
(fearful of him dropping her off at her 'home' of NBC she makes an excuse) Oh no I'm fine, I'm a pretty tough girl I can make it. (she smiles and walk away)
LUKE
Alright, see ya.
I then walked away, or well, hobbled away. I didn't make it very far though, my clothes were soaking wet and I was on Park Ave and was around 58th street so I still had a while's way to go. Just when I was passing 58th street a car pulled over next to me, it was Luke. He swung a door open for me and told me to get in, looking at my condition I told him I'd ruin his BMW and he smiled and told me it was a rental-car. Sighing I gave in a got in the car (KIDS: DON'T DO THIS I'M STUPID)
LUKE
Thought I'd find you around here.
CHRISTINA
You evil mastermind.
LUKE
(he laughs) So, want me to take you home?
CHRISTINA
Nah.
LUKE
You hungry?
CHRISTINA
Sure. I'm feeling shitty food...you?
LUKE
You read my like a book Steph.
CHRISTINA
(remembering her name, she laughs) Stephanie that's right...
LUKE
So how shitty are we going for? Like McDonalds or-
CHRISTINA
Your choice Luke, know any good places with heaters? Or places that also sell clothes?
LUKE
I know just the place. It's very close.
CHRISTINA
(knowing that they were now close to NBC she knew if anything were to happen she'd be close to home) Alright!
We ended up going to the Hilton on 6th Ave. and 52nd St. (very close to NBC) and it just so happens that Luke is staying there for a while because of his job. So, if we were to stay friends and if I were to not be murdered/raped, I'd have an easy route to him. We went upstairs to his room and he lent me another leather jacket to "keep with today's theme" and I borrowed a blanket from his room and we went to the lobby and drank hot chocolate and just talked. Just talked while both of us were completely sunglassed and hooded. We're so sarcastic and silly, I had a really decent conversation. It was weird, it was like the conversation I have with Seth, Noel, Nasim, and Julian. Genuine conversations about...anything. It made me realize that I have a lot of poser conversations, and that's shit. Real big shit. I really liked talking to Luke, even though I knew that wasn't his name and I'd never find it out unless I told him mine. But...I like this innocence, or well, ignorance. I like having genuine conversations with people. So I made a decision at that very moment. I decided to spend the whole day with this guy, up until 11:20PM when I had to go on, then I'd blind-fold him, sit him in the audience (we always have 5 open seats for SNL friends and family, always), and let him watch the show, then during the cold open I'd wink at him or give him some kind of signal that would show him who I was, and maybe, just maybe, he'd have his sunglasses and hood off and I'd get to see who he was as well.
And that's exactly what I did.
We talked in his hotel for...maybe 2 hours so at around 3PM we went driving around NYC. It was nice, then I decided to take a chance and show this stranger my secret hide-out. I don't use it anymore but when I still at the orphanage I would sometimes go there and just mull things over. I appreciated that spot, it was comforting, however, when I look back on that spot a lot it reminds me of a lot of horrible things that have happened in my past. So I would do a lot of "soul-searching" in that spot. And for some reason, I felt it necessary to go there with this Luke guy. I haven't even showed Jules the spot, but Luke just seemed like he'd appreciate it the most. He parked his car by Grand Central Station and we took the train to Irvington (about 30min outside the city). The train ride was interesting, it was 10 minutes through when I got a text from Jules.
1 NEW MESSAGE FROM Julian Casablancas AT 16:12PM <Hey where're you? Kenan said you went out to get food.>
*1 NEW MESSAGE FROM Christina Essenelle AT 16:13PM <Oh yeah that was a while ago, I'm hanging out with person>
1 NEW MESSAGE FROM Julian Casablancas AT 16:15PM <Oh, who? Nick?>
*1 NEW MESSAGE FROM Christina Essenelle AT 16:18PM <nah, Luke.>
1 NEW MESSAGE FROM Julian Casablancas AT 16:18PM <Luke who? SKYWALKER?>
*1 NEW MESSAGE FROM Chrstina Essenelle AT 16:21PM <yes. No I don't know his last name.>
*1 NEW MESSAGE FROM Chrstina Essenelle AT 16:21PM <yes. No I don't know his last name.>
1 NEW MESSAGE FROM Julian Casablancas AT 16:24PM <...but actually.>
*1 NEW MESSAGE FROM Christina Essenelle AT 16:25PM <haha, joking, don't worry about it Jules I'll be home safe and sound for SNL tonight>
1 NEW MESSAGE FROM Julian Casablancas AT 16:13PM <alright have fun. Don't die.>*1 NEW MESSAGE FROM Christina Essenelle AT 16:25PM <haha, joking, don't worry about it Jules I'll be home safe and sound for SNL tonight>
Now that is some trust right there. I told Luke about the spot that we were going to, I didn't say much though, he was worried, he probably thought I was the murderer all along.
CHRISTINA
It's really awesome, I used to go there a lot when I was a kid.
LUKE
Oh really? Like a park?
CHRISTINA
Something like that.
LUKE
Is it nice? You got a couch?
CHRISTINA
I might. Don't worry it'll be grand.
LUKE
...but will it?
CHRISTINA
Don't worry 'bout it. You see soon enough.
LUKE
...alright I give-up Steph, you can just tell me now.
CHRISTINA
(she laughs) Yeah maybe later. Calm down! We're getting off at Irvington, a small town named after a writer. You'll be fine.
LUKE
(sighs defeated) Fine. I'll get you eventually.
CHRISTINA
Hehe. So why're you in the city for such a short period of time?
LUKE
Job.
CHRISTINA
Ah, I see. Are you going to do any stereotypical New York City stuff?
LUKE
(he laughs) Like what?
CHRISTINA
I dunno...see a Broadway show, go to the Statue of Liberty, go to Ellis Island...go to a taping of Saturday Night Live...
LUKE
I've done all that, except for the last one.
CHRISTINA
You've never seen Saturday Night Live?
LUKE
I've seen the show, just not been to a taping.
CHRISTINA
I've never been in the audience either.
LUKE
They've really been going up and down with that show haven't they?
CHRISTINA
What with Will Forte leaving? ...that's the bald guy right? [FORGIVE ME WILL]
LUKE
Well that, and they added four new people. I dunno, I don't like 'em.
CHRISTINA
Hey, newbies are never the main focus...that Kristen Wiig though. She's incredible.
LUKE
Yeah she's always been a firecracker. Love that new chick.
CHRISTINA
Curly hair girl? Vanesssssaaaa...?
LUKE
No, Christina Essenelle!
CHRISTINA
(gulping down her fear she continues the conversation) Yeah she's fuckin' great.
LUKE
She's really good, I think she's better than Kristen but that's just me.
CHRISTINA
I think they're both great, Kristen's been there longer.
LUKE
I don't know if it's cause Kristen's married but there's something about that Essenelle that's cool. Apparently she's doing BBC TV for the next few months.
CHRISTINA
No she's still doing SNL.
LUKE
Well yeah, but BBC TV as well.
CHRISTINA
Probably, I'm not sure. (testing the waters) Why do you like her so much?
LUKE
Well...she's hot. I mean, who wouldn't? Didn't she date DiCaprio?
CHRISTINA
(blushing wildly) Definitely not...she and the Strokes guy are a thing.
LUKE
No that's not true.
CHRISTINA
Yes it is.
LUKE
Well, that WAS true. They broke up.
CHRISTINA
(laughing) Maybe you're right. I thought they were together.
LUKE
Yeah, I've heard about it from several sources that they broke up. They broke up like...3 months ago?
CHRISTINA
(still laughing) Do you know what happened?
LUKE
It's not funny! They were cute, pissed me off too, apparently they couldn't handle long distance when she was in London and she broke it off.
CHRISTINA
She so would.
~after talking for 15 minutes another person came up~
CHRISTINA
I've been on a movie binge this whole week.
LUKE
And what was on your movie menu?
CHRISTINA
Drive, Double Indemnity, Blue Valentine, Maltese Falcon, The Runaways, and that Megan Fox movie where's she's a demon that eats people.
LUKE
I've seen all those movies except for the Runaways.
CHRISTINA
I was forced into watching it with my friend Natasha [instead of Nasim] it was okay.
LUKE
What'd you think of Drive and Blue Valentine.
CHRISTINA
Fantastic, absolutely fantastic. I cried at the end of Blue Valentine, Ryan Gosling is too good of an actor. He makes it too real and I can't handle it.
LUKE
You must hate him.
CHRISTINA
No, I respect him so much. He's so versatile as well. Drive was...ah, so good.
LUKE
I just watched it recently too. Did you have a favorite part?
CHRISTINA
Not sure, either the elevator scene or the hotel "did you know there was a second car" scene.
LUKE
(he laugh confusedly) Why those scenes?
CHRISTINA
Cause I just remove the girl and picture myself in their position.
LUKE
(he looks down and smiles to himself) You want to get your head blown off?
CHRISTINA
It's my dream Luke. My DREAM.
LUKE
You're weird.
CHRISTINA
You love it.
LUKE
I do.
CHRISTINA
I like the scene in Blue Valentine with Ryan and Michelle... doing stuff together.
LUKE
Doing stuff? The whole movie they did stuff ya goof.
CHRISTINA
No...the-
LUKE
The eating-out scene?
CHRISTINA
Yeah.
LUKE
(he laughs) You can just say it you know, I'm not embarrassed.
CHRISTINA
Well I didn't want others to overhear...
LUKE
You're crazy.
CHRISTINA
Maybe so, but you love it.
LUKE
(looks down and smiles again) I do.
We finally got to Irvington and got off and started our trek. My secret hiding spot isn't anywhere near the train station so it was a bit of a walk (considering Main St. is a hill). We got to the street and he stopped me in front of the entry to the woods. He was a little nervous about going in because I was a stranger to him and if I were to murder him well, this would be the place to do it. So I just took his hand and dragged him in, saying it was a new experience and he was stronger than me and could runaway if he wanted. He said that I should call him Kristen Stewart, because she was in the Runaways. Ah, reference received. We went through the woods for about...5 minutes when we came across the big opening. The entire woods had been covered in shade, except for this one spot which had light shining through the tops of the trees. It was gorgeous. There were my logs (Luke's couches) and my meditating rock (Luke's yelling pedestal). I've missed that spot, no one's ever been there, and it was nice to show him it, I knew that if I showed one of my friends it they wouldn't take it seriously, and I knew if I showed Julian it he'd love it but if we ever broke up I'd never go back there ever again. So Luke was the perfect choice. Luke's really funny, I really enjoyed our time there, everything was just...hilarious. I don't think I've laughed that hard with someone in a really long time. I mean:
LUKE
Stephanie. What is with this carpet.
CHRISTINA
Luke, they're LEAVES.
LUKE
Could've done better.
CHRISTINA
I've got it! You're a famous interior decorator.
LUKE
Oooh, but here's the task at hand. Which one?
CHRISTINA
(laughing) Piss off.
LUKE
I love what you've done with these trees.
CHRISTINA
They use to be green.
LUKE
The yellow and orange really brightens up the place.
CHRISTINA
(looking at his yellow shirt) I was thinking of you in mind.
LUKE
You sweetheart.
CHRISTINA
You know you'd see the colors better if you took your sunglasses off.
LUKE
Nice try.
CHRISTINA
It was worth a shot.
LUKE
Yeah, yeah, wanna see how far I can throw this?
There was not point where things got awkward or weird or silent. Unless I asked him to shut-up. I think he has ADHD, cause he's kind of psychotic. In a good way of course. We hung around Irvington until 8PM then we walked to Elmsford and saw a Sports Time USA open. (for those of you who do not live in NY Sports Time is arcade place) So we jumped on that like we were starving lions. We climbed the rock walls (he beat me), played bumper cars (we were in the same car and just killed EVERYONE), played those stupid driving games (I won), played the horse races (we lost), and played so many other games that together we put together our tickets and got a BB Gun. Why Sports Time USA is now selling BB guns I have no idea, but that's what we got. We then realized how late it was (mainly me because I actually had to be back on time) and decided to go back to the train station and got the next ride back to Manhattan. Everyone on the train segregated themselves from us, which wasn't that abnormal since we were the pair wearing sunglasses, hats, hoods, and holding guns. Our ticket stubber was even more confused and asked if he should be watching us. Luke smiled and said "Sir I am a respectable person. The lady however, is psychotic." to which I replied, "You gonna believe a face like that? Look at that face, no way in hell. Am I right?" to which the ticket stubber replied "You're both fucking weird.". We laughed.
We made it back to Manhattan at around 11PM and when we got to Luke's car I gave him the ultimatum.
CHRISTINA
Luke, you don't have to do the same but I'm going to bring you somewhere and show you who I am. You can do the same, or you can just see who I am. But I want to do this because I want to be your friend and I think at this point if you knew who I was it wouldn't be awkward.
LUKE
I agree. I don't think it would be weird since we're both known people. So, how are we going to do this.
CHRISTINA
You'll be blind-folded.
LUKE
You should probably drive.
CHRISTINA
Sounds good.
LUKE
Wait, how old are you? Can you drive?
CHRISTINA
(laughing) I'm 21, yes I can drive.
LUKE
Good, blind-fold away Steph.
~after blind-folding and getting him through NBC security crap I sit him in the seat~
CHRISTINA
I'm gonna go, I asked my friend to un-blind-fold you when the time is right and I told the person next to you to keep their hands to themselves so, you're good. I'll be the one blinking like an idiot.
LUKE
Haha, alright, see you soon.
CHRISTINA
Literally. (he laughs and she runs backstage and gets on her hair, costume, and make-up, and is berated for not coming earlier. The lights go down and the audience applauds just before the lights go on JASON runs over to LUKE and takes off his blind-fold and then runs away for the lights to turn on. LUKE takes off his hood and watches the performance)
FRED
Thank you, thank you thank you thank you. You know I start every show thanking you, and I don't know why. Because if you say you're welcome I can't hear you because that's the way television's work. But let's not think about that or my little head will go boop-sha-boop. Oh Larry Welk. Anyway here with a salute to autumn is Eugene Doalocks backed up by the singing stars of the Maraja sisters that came all the way from the Finger Lakes. Which Finger Lake? The longest, dirtiest one. And a 1 and a 2 and a-
TARAN
Well hey there partner, thanks for scaring them crows away. Why do I hate crows? Just CAWS. What do you say you and I stroll and try to find a date to the harvest dance? Well then HAY you just HANG right there. Walking through a field looking for some love but all I see is corn. October is filled with orange-y things the leaves are turning and love is born. Speaking of love, hello.
CHRISTINA
(blinking ridiculously at the audience to find LUKE she sees the seat where he's at and notices he has taken off his sunglasses and hood. LUKE is really RYAN GOSLING. If she weren't on stage her jaw would be to the floor, right back at her RYAN is gawking at her at points to her mouthing 'Steph?') I'm Stephanie!
TARAN
I'll call you Steph! (RYAN covers his awed mouth. The show contines)
The show was fantastic. Melissa was on fire, especially for Arlene, Seth was magnificent in Update (he broke character, which is always hilarious, unless you do it a lot [JIMMY]), and after the end-clap and credits I jumped off the stage and tackled Ryan and we hugged for a good minute. Nasim yelled "I TOLD YOU SO" and I waved her away as I hugged Ryan. I think it's crazy that today he was Luke the nice stranger/doctor and I was Steph the psychotic nature girl. I never in a million years would've thought Ryan and I would ever have a friendship like that. We're such good friends, and it's DAY 1! I'm better friends with Ryan than some people I've known for a year! Ah, I can't get over today. The show was fantastic, Melissa was the best, the after party was magic and I've made yet another new friend. I'm really just soaking up my time on this earth.
