Flying Anus

Noel's first 3 tweets from today are from me, the last one was him. I love that I can write whatever and people will think it's him, that's amazing. I apologize for the lack of information and detail in these posts but seriously guys, next week will be even worse. I stay till rehearsal GUARANTEED till 10PM, then we might even have to stay later. My director is starting to not hate me anymore, although I'm sure someone will do something that'll get me in trouble soon so who knows. I swear my stomach is going to hate me, I've been eating so horribly this week because of my access to places. We're required to give our keys to Luke (director) so we can't drive anywhere, so sometimes I get people's orders and run to 711 or McDonalds which are the only places that are close to where I am.

Beef Jerky and cereal for life.

I'm super stoked for Brasil, like, really fucking stoked. HEY TUMBLR I LOVE YOU TOO. There is a tumblr called FuckYeahTheStrokesGirls.tumblr.com which is really cool. It consists of Illy (Nikolai's girlfriend), Drew Barrymore (Fab's ex), Regina Spektor (Jules' ex, yeah I gotta compete with that shit), Agyness, (Albert's ex) and me! (Jules' girlfriend) Yeah fun times.

Night kids!  

Matching Fetus Clothes

Another inside joke between Jason and I. You can only imagine what goes on in our minds. Today was awesome! Another long work day. My dinner consisted of beef jerky, cinnamon toast crunch, 3 Musketeers, 2 Cream Sodas, and an Ice Tea. I drink a LOT. I dunno, I like the feeling of my body's left over food being flushed away. Anyways so yeah, Jules unfortunately couldn't come to this rehearsal because he had some project to do. Ah well, Noel came. We had a lot of fun, we walked to 711 and got some dinner, (Root beer, bacon, and gum), went to Noel's for a bit (I wasn't running anything today so I didn't have to be there the entire time but I did have to stay for the end starting 3/4 of the way through), and just had a grand ol' time.

If I could open my arms

And span the length of the isle of Manhattan

I'd bring it to where you are

The king of lake of the East River and Hudson

If I could open my mouth

Wide enough for a marching band to march out

They would make you name sing

And bend through alleys and bounce off all the buildings.

~

I wish we could open our eyes

To see in all directions at the same time

Oh, what a beautiful view

If you were never aware of what was around you

And it is true what you said

That I live like a hermit in my own head

But when the sun shines again

I'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in

~

Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole

Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound

But while you debate half empty or half full

It slowly rises, your love is gonna drown

The Strokes and I are going to Brasil soon! BRASIIIIIIL! Another country I get to check off my, WENT THERE! list. Jules says it's beautiful there.

I'll be the judge of that.

Eggs in my Canoli

This title makes a little bit of sense. So I had yet another play rehearsal, but I wasn't really needed since they were running act 1 and I'm only in act 2 scene 2 so...I helped props go get some schtuff with Jules. Then after we went to dinner with Noel and Matt Berry! And YES, there were eggs in my canoli. It was a great dinner actually, everyone got along, DRAMA FREE. So many inside jokes have come from tonight. THE CLAW....BEAR CLAW. Batman's driving abilities. Testing in Hawaii. Haha, oh, Matt brought a contract over, Noel and I are officially on The I.T. Crowd. WOO!

The End

has noooooooo end. No that's not the lyric of the day. This is

I'm a killer, cold and wrathful

                                        Silent sleeper, I've been inside your bedroom

I've murdered half the town

Left you love notes on their headstones

I'll fill the graveyards until I have you

Moonlight walking, I smell your softness

Carnivorous and lusting to track you down among the pines.

I want you stuffed into my mouth

Hold you down and tear you open, live inside you 

Love, I'd never hurt you.

But I'll grind against your bones until our marrows mix

I will eat you slowly...

I feel like a radio station, and that was..........with...........The play opens up in 10 days. I'm FREAKIN' OUT MAN. I've got play practice all this week till 8PM then I've got it all next week till 10:30PM...Either there's no episode for me next week or I'm rockin' the 10AM SNL rehearsals. By the way homecoming was great in case ya'll were wondering. 

365

I plan on having 365 posts or more. Most likely more just because each month doens't have exactly 28, 30, or 31 posts in it. I love having Noel here. Or should I say....bishop? Gosh I am so freakin' cheesy. I've been talking to some of my spanish/mexican fans on here. I'm sorry if my grammar is horrible mais, je parle francais, pas espagnol. Je suis desolee...

Face check I walk this beach

                                                I'm frying in the heat in the cauldron stir me

Chop down my diamond teeth I aint got

The simple things in life have been lost

You have got to witness

This is your last retreat

My last repeatAll my friends are as sharp as razors

Cut you down if you touch the faders

High class girls hung in elevators

Now we have got the floor

Get loose get loose

No SNL this week because of Halloween unfortunately. Speaking of Halloween, Noel gave me his Vlad the Impaler costume so I'm going to wear that for Halloween. I'm more interested in the character than the costume, but it is nonetheless hilarious. I'm going to ask the make-up and hair department to do my hair black and short. They're going to give me a wig hopefully (definitely not cut it, that'd be horrid). But I am nonetheless excited! Went for a night on the town with Noel! Went clubbin' and partyin'. Night well spent indeed. 

Anna Faris hosts SNL

Real human being

and a real hero

Real human being

and a real hero

Real human being

and a real hero

Real human being

and a real hero

Real human being

I might just now have lyrics of the day. But I refuse to give you the song and artist! Happy saturday. Since I am the worst human on the planet I forgot to tell you some juicy news. Well not really juicy just cute. Homecoming is tonight! I'm of course going with Julian, Nasim with Paul, Abby alone and Vanessa with Taran. By the way yes, Nasim and Paul are still in a relationship. Good for them. I know they're hard to follow since they break up once every 3 months.

Strokes interview! It's been too long, I reread what I wrote after The Strokes Euro-tour and almost cried. Although I did laugh at one part:

It's funny I view friendships now as sort of a game of chess.Where Julian and I are king and queen (lovers), Nick and Nasim are my bishops (best friends), Fab and Seth are my knights (protectors/best friends), Albert and Jason are my castles (home bases/good friends) and then everyone else are pawns (good friends). And that whole little schpeal in no way means I favor Nick, Fab, or Albert over Nikolai I just happen to talk to them more. But it definitely means I favor Julian over them, sorry! *sigh* 


I can't believe how much that's changed. I mean, Jules and I are still king and queen (lovers), but now Noel and Nasim are my bishops (best friends), Nick and Seth are my knights (protectors/best friends), Fab and Jason are my castles (home bases/good friends) and then everyone else are pawns (good friends). Oh by the way, here's the line-up for tonight!


Bloomberg Cold Open 
Monologue 

Manuel Ortiz 

~Commercial~
What's Wrong with Tanya?!
Digital Short 

~Commercial~
GOP Debate

~Commercial~
Update 

~Commercial~
J-Pop American Fun Time Now 

~Commercial~
Lord Wyndemere
Book Store

End Clap


~Time Elapse~


Oh my God what a fantastic show. Vanessa stumbled on some lines but all was well otherwise. After party was....crazy. Nasim passed out around 2AM and people were taking pictures with her, then Abby kept telling people she was a mermaid while she flirted with anyone with a pulse, Bill told Jules and I that we were the most unlikely couple but his favorite, then Lorne showed up (it was like a teacher catching you cheating on a test, but he didn't say anything) and so Jules and I talked to him with Kristen and Vanessa. The party was amazingly crazy. I broke someone's glasses and now I owe them big money...Nick was there for a bit but left because he didn't like the "smell of things" or whatever that means. Ah...it was just a good night.

oh and NOEL FIELDING NOW LIVES IN NEW YORK CITY!

Day 5 {Anna Faris}

I descended a dusty gravel ridge

Beneath the Bixby Canyon Bridge

Until I eventually arrived

At the place where your soul had died

Barefoot in the shallow creek

I grabbed some stones from underneath

And waited for you to speak to me

~

And the silence become to very clear

That you had long ago disappeared

I cursed myself of being surprised

That this didn't play like it did in my mind

All the way from San Francisco

As I chased the end of your road

Cause I've still got miles to go

God I love that song. It's so beautiful especially when you listen to it alone. Speaking of lyrics to great songs, I was at the park today with Jules and I took some coal from the mini-grills and wrote down some lyrics. My favorite of course was: "I say the right things but act the wrong way I like you right here but I cannot stay. I watch your TV forget what I'm told, they're lying too young and they're too old. I make it you see, I'm never so pleased, pretend to be nice though I can be mean. I missed the last bus, I'll take the next train, I tried by you see it's hard to explain" Ah, beauteous. Got my SAT scores. Not as I as I wanted but I did well nonetheless. For someone busy as heck I got a pretty nice score. I am so in love with Jules at the moment. I love those little revivals we all have. They are so welcomed in my life, because when people start to become old comfortable shoes you have to spice things up. And that's what we did! So now we're back to being crazed high heels. 

SNL is tomorrow. WHO'S EXCITED?!

Day 4 {Anna Faris}

Today we filmed Update and Bookstore. Neither of which I am in, and therefore, I don't care. Sorry, not in the mood today. I am going to a concert today so I will be in the mood soon. Last night was some heavy stuff, ate a cookie pie with frosting on it, and cried for a bit. But we're fine, woke-up to some delicious breakfast. Woke up at 9AM too. I need to stop missing my morning classes.

I think it's hilarious that I'm in the monologue and Abby is not, just goes to show, I can act as a better blonde retard, than she can be.

Picture of the day is of Jules in front of a billboard in the SNL living room.

Day 3 {Anna Faris}

J Pop American Fun Time Now!


Such a ridiculously funny scene I'm doing with Taran. I love it, and Anna Faris? Oh God she's amazing. So damn funny and willing try to anything, she reminds me a lot of Kristen, just willing to put herself out there.

I've had quite the crazy day today in case any of you watched CBS. It started off with me missing my alarm by an hour (sorry 1st class of the day) then I went through my day as normal, then after school Jules was sitting in my beautiful red car and I said hello and he gives me the silent treatment. He's been doing this since our shower yesterday. I had no idea why and it was really bothering me. I told him, if there's a problem he should vocalize it so I can fix it, but no I had to play some mind-game with him to figure out what the hell was going on. So, I called Noel cause I wasn't going to sit in silence on the way home. He said he's getting an apartment in NYC next week! WOO! Then after that I went upstairs, talked to Nasim about Jules trying to see what she had to say and I asked her to talk to him and see if he responds to her. He did. So it was just me and not some don't-speak holiday. Ugh, so I left NBC and asked to hang out with Ryan (Gosling) because I didn't want to be around NBC. So we hung out for a bit and then he took me SECRETLY to CBS for an interview I was WILLING to give. It was a great interview, I really did enjoy myself. After that Ryan and I went and got dinner then we saw a live comedy show! It was great, I love improv. Then I got back around 10:30PM and prepared my conscious for Julian if he was still not talking to me.

He was still not talking to me.

I kept asking him to talk to me and he wouldn't say anything but instead he leaned in for a kiss, so I pushed him off. Saying that I didn't want to kiss someone who wouldn't communicate with me. So he stopped and sat on the bed. I sat down next to him and broke down and he finally confessed what was wrong, TIAL which was something that had to do with me saying something that reminded him of a horrible event in his past. I'm glad we got past this, because I don't know what I would do without Jules. However the way he went about teaching me this lesson was kinda weird. Ah well, to each his own, we all learn differently.

Day 2 {Anna Faris}

I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAACK! I had a wonderful trip, and I also had a wonderful shower today. It was similar to a scene in Blue Valentine but without the depressing part of bitchy Michelle Williams and what not (her character). It was really raw, emotional, and passionate, something I missed yet didn't even realize I missed it. It had been...2 weeks? TOO LONG

Anyways, today they filmed Bloomberg and Manuel Ortiz. I really don't like Manuel Ortiz, it's been over-done so so so many times. And I'm never in it so there's that. I've been asked to come on Nevermind the Buzzcocks again! I might, I'm not sure to be honest. I love them, but I really am busy. Maybe when I'm doing I.T. Crowd I can stop for a second and do some Buzzcocks but for now I can't. Can't wait till I get to film with Anna tomorrow!

Day 1 {Anna Faris}

Today we filmed yet another GOP Debate and What's Wrong with Tanya?! Now I really love the What's Wrong with Tanya sketch for two reasons, 1) It's really clever 2)The only prerequisite to BE in the scene was to be a girl, and be blonde, and Abby STILL didn't get the part. I find that, HILARIOUS.

Day Trip

I ran away. Just for today. Where did I run off to? I ran to the airport, then to the desk, then to security, then to my gate, then to the plane, then to my seat, then off the plane, then out of the airport, then to a taxi, then to the front door, then into Noel's confused yet welcoming arms. I can only chalk it off to "I just missed him too damn much". Noel Fielding...ah, you can't stay away from him. I can't. His personality is so welcoming and I really can't be without him for an extended period of time. When we stopped by my apartment the other day...ah it was such a tease. I couldn't take it. Noel has changed me in so many ways that I can't just leave him behind and say he was a period of my life. Boosh was a period of my life, Noel is my best friend, not was. So yeah I ran away, and I wish I was here longer. I wish I could live here. Everything is so different, Boosh people are the greatest people in the world. Their sense of humor is so SO different than America's it's ridiculous.

Immediately when I got to Noel's apartment it was a huge rush of nostalgia. Everything that I had before I left just came crashing down upon me and I burst into tears when I hugged Noel. I had missed him so much...so so much. Today was...sensational.

sensational  (sɛnˈseɪʃən ə l)
— adj
1.	causing or intended to cause intense feelings, esp of curiosity,horror, etc: sensational disclosures in the press
2.	informal  extremely good: a sensational skater
3.	of or relating to the faculty of sensation
4.	philosophy  of or relating to sensationalism

First we chilled in his apartment doing random boring things. I stole his clothes (as usual) and we went driving. We ended up in a big vat of flowers running around like idiots. Then we were running around London like idiots. Noel has become very immersed in his art, and he wanted to show me some of his new creations. So, we went to his studio and did a bit of art ourselves. I painted Noel and he painted me. Mine was more comical and his was more animalistic. I really do love his art. He showed me a piece that he did when I left the Boosh, it was of me. It was amazing, all the aspects were perfect. We laid in a puddle of paint once we were done painting and just talked about life in general. Then we went back to his apartment and ordered food, built an anti-Kilimanjaro hiker zone, and it's safety zone. There were piles of exploded paper bombs everywhere. Those damn hikers WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?! We then went to a kids park and made a campfire, and to end my wondrous day trip we went back to his apartment and he showed me another project of his that was just, illuminating. It was done with those black-light markers so you can't see it unless there's a black-light on it. It was amazing. It must've taken forever to do, and I realized that I will never be "done" with England. So, I'm accepting my IT Crowd offer. I'm going to be living here half of the time and in London the other half. Noel has also agreed to do the IT Crowd. And I've never been happier.

Jules knew all about my little day trip, I mean he drove me to the airport, so it's not like I was "leaving" him. I just really had to get away.  

Requiem

In case you haven't noticed Sunday's titles mean NOTHING.

Bloomberg Cold Open (Fred)
Monologue (Andy, Christina, Nasim)
Manuel Ortiz (Fred, Vanessa, Kristen, Kennan, Bill, Bobby, Paul)
What's Wrong with Tanya?! (Kristen, Vanessa, Bill)
Digital Short (Andy)
GOP Debate (Vanessa, Paul, Kristen, Bobby, Jason, Bill, Andy)
Update (Bobby, Jay)
J-Pop American Fun Time Now (Christina, Taran, Jason, Fred)
Lord Wyndemere (Jason, Kristen, Andy, Bill, Paul)
Book Store (Kristen, Bill)

Woke-up around 11AM to my phone buzzing off the damn night table. Oh, by the way, last night I was getting out of the taxi and slammed my knee against something. Now I honest to God think it's broken. My KNEE. AH IT HURTS LIKE HELL. I hope you know I have 2 V shaped cuts on my leg. They both are pretty weird looking. The one from Nick's is a lot longer than the one from the other day. Anyways, Ryan Gosling was calling me, so went we down to a coffee shop, got some drinks, them went back to NBC and sat in Late Night's studio audience while they were practicing bits. It was a lot of fun, Ryan's never watched Late Night before, even if he's been on it! I thought that was funny. Jules came back today! He came home to me comatose on the couch watching Jersey Shore...what have I become?

Pictures of the day are of Ryan at the coffee shop.

<--my scarf

Ben Stiller hosts SNL

Mexico is the greatest! Another country to put on my list of places I've been to. It's actually very beautiful here, very sunny compared to New York. The water is SO DAMN BLUE. Compared to the Hudson. Which is as clean as a prostitutes vagina...yeah I went there. By the way yes, Nick has broken his foot and is still playing at Banamex. My hero. Sadly I had to leave Mexico early for SNL but I still got to see The Strokes play, and I still got to see MEXICOOO! Oh, by the way I was intrigued by this interview in InTouch, I skipped the questions about his movie and got to why I'm intrigued:

RYAN GOSLING INTERVIEW:

Q: Now off of Christina Essenelle's blog we see that you and she spent the entire day together under different aliases?

A: Yeah it was hilarious. I was Luke and she was Stephanie. We spent the entire day not knowing who we were and it just goes to show what a genuine person she is. 

Q: You didn't have any clue as to who she was?

A: I had my ideas. I thought she was Miley Cyrus at first to be honest. They sort of look-alike if you've got a hat and sunglasses on.

Q: Did you get to meet her boyfriend Julian?

A: I did. I was in Christina's room watching something on her computer with her and he came in and he needed to talk to her.

Q: How come in a separate interview with Andy Samberg he said, and I quote "Julian is entirely too overbearing, he needs to know where she is at all times and why she's there. He's practically her dad." ?

A: I dunno. I've only known her for a few days, she seems fine with anything he does to her.

Q: You say that in a negative way, do he do unfavorable things to her?

A: It's her life, let her do what she wants. I'm just her friend. If she doesn't like something he does then she should get help.

Q: Does he do things she doesn't want?

A: I don't know what she wants.

Ryan's a good interviewer.

Here's the line-up for tonight!


Mitt Romney Cold Open 
~Commercial~
Fox News
Lincoln Financial 
~Commercial~
Digital Short
~Commercial~
Update
~Commercial~
Lincoln Financial 
Shanna 
~Commercial~
Assblast 
Lincoln Financial
~Commercial~
Bruce Springsteen
Tiny Balls 
End Clap


~3AM~
SHOW WAS AMAZING! Update was absolutely fan-fucking-tastic. The audience went nuts for the Zoolander bit, as did we, which is why I didn't want to say anything about it. After party was great as usual, Ryan Gosling was there! We had a few drinks and walked around NBC talking about absolutely random things. I love that guy.

Day 5 {Ben Stiller}

Today we filmed Shana and Bruce Springsteen and I FINALLY got to be in a scene with Ben Stiller! We've done the Shanna skit before with Charles Barkley and Bryan Cranston, and now with Ben Stiller. Welcome to the cult. It was a lot of fun, it's a very silly skit so I always try to go big with it. As a requirement for the play we had to watch the Broadway version for 2 hours at 4PM. So in case you're wondering why this post is so damn late, it's cause of that, filming, and Jules and I went to MEXICOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'll be back for the show, he'll be back for Sunday.

SNL really hasn't been in the papers that much and I'm glad. All the attention should be on crime (for people not in NYC there's a lot of crime and mischief going on) so we can stop those assholes from fucking things up. Who goes around just breaking people's windows and killing cops? There's not even a point to it. Apparently the cops did grab them into their car but the female mime escaped with the male mime.

What a crazy world we live in.

Day 4 {Ben Stiller}

Today we filmed Lincoln Financial and Update for the live Update studio audience. We sometimes do that, and if we do it means that we're testing some really fucked up jokes. I'm in Update this week! Very exciting, and it's a new character as well. I think that's what we were testing because the character is really awkward and...yeah I don't want to give it away. It's date night! Jules, Nikolai, Illy, and I went to Smith & Wollensky and it was a lot of fun. Nikolai and Illy are just TOO DAMN CUTE AHHH. Have babies, lots of babies.

I've been a bit caught up with school madness so I apologize for yesterdays post. I've been testing like a madman.

BEN STILLER. AH. I'm really happy to get to work with Ben Stiller because last year I met him at this party and I had to give him his jacket back (filled with McDonalds receipts and toothpicks). I didn't get to work with him today, but tomorrow I am, and I'm excited.

Day 3 {Ben Stiller}

I'm.

Day 2 {Ben Stiller}

Today we filmed
ASSBLAST and the Digital Short. Assblast is another Lil Blaster bit and I'm really happy to be doing that sketch again. It's hilarious. I was on the computer today and Julian pointed out something that I never noticed. But I type ridiculously fast. I guess because of this blog I've become a faster typer, because I need to get these posts out, but I've always been this fast. So to test my skills I decided to take one of those speed typing tests 94 WPM BITCHES. MMHM. I'M A TYPING MACHINE.

Day 1 {Ben Stiller}

Today was a lot of fun, I went to school and had fun, then had rehearsal on Broadway (my first!). It was just a schedule change so I really didn't get to rehearse. But I definitely am on Thursday and Friday and next week as well. Julian got really mad at me yesterday. He was frustrated that I would just go walking with a stranger into the woods with no form of weapon. I know he's only mad because he cares about me but it's still annoying to have to tip-toe around someone. I guess it was pretty silly of me to do such an irrational and crazed thing, but I really was just going with my gut. Should I have got into the car, probably not, but that's how fate works right? You do things you think'll be right, and if it blows up in your face, well, God hates you.

After rehearsal the lovely Ryan Gosling stopped by with his schnazzy rental-car and we went to my secret hiding spot again. He wanted to torch a spider's next because it was too close to my spot and so he felt it necessary to kill them. We got a stick, put his sock on it, set the sock on fire, then shoved it in the nest. I've never done something so absolutely gross in my life. After that I had work so he went home for a bit and came back at 7PM and we played with my computer. It was fun! I'm starting to love Ryan Gosling. What a darling. Although I have another Ryan G on here so...let's say there's Strokes Ryan and then just Ryan.

:D

Hoagie Friday

Ben Stiller is hosting!!

Mitt Romney Cold Open (Paul, Jason, Taran, Kristen, Vanessa, Nasim, Bobby)
Fox News (Taran, Vanessa, Bobby, Jason)
Lincoln Financial (Jason, Bill, Kristen)
Digital Short (Andy, Nasim, Vanessa)
Update (Christina)
Shanna (Abby, Keenan, Taran, Andy, Christina)
Assblast (Jason, Jay, Christina)
Bruce Springsteen (Fred)
Tiny Balls (Bobby, Taran, Fred, Paul, Jay)

Tyson and I were chatting today. I miss him as well, my time with him was so very short.

Melissa McCarthy hosts SNL

They all knew I'd be the first. Why is everyone so damn intuitive?

Today has been the craziest, most insanely intense Saturday before an SNL show...of my LIFE.

I woke-up from my 4 hour slumber and got ready for my interview. Then at around 7:45AM I got in my schnazzy, ridiculously expensive car and drove over. At 8AM I went to interview and NAILED-IT. It was with Graham Linehan and we really got along well, I'm very excited to maybe get to work with him. Plus I'd be back in London to be on TV and I really do miss me some BBC TV..

It's been pouring all week here in NYC and I'm not really a boots kind of person, so I've been rockin' my flats all through these puddles...I think I'm getting a cold because of it. Ah well, I'm not snotty yet so here's hoping. Anyways, the point to my rainy comment is because I met someone. Someone really awesome...and it was all because of rain.

It was around noon when I decided to take an afternoon stroll over to Magnolia's to get some nice cupcakes. Julian had been working with Ryan a lot this week because the Strokes are no longer on tour so he really wanted to get some work underway. At the time I was wearing a baseball cap, sunglasses, scarf, leather jacket, skinny jeans, and flats, so I wasn't very recognizable. Anyways, I was walking to Magnolia's and the line was just obscene so I turned around to go outside when I see that it's pouring. Perfect. So, hoping my hat will suffice I go outside and try to talk covered alleys back home to NBC. Walking, I'm in my own element, just thinking about absolutely random things like economics and improvisation (seriously if I wasn't in TV I would be an economist) and as I walk I step on this big piece of glass and I just hit the pavement yelling. Someone took notice. Looking up at the sky I try to wash away the blood from the rain when this man in sunglasses and a hoodie kneels down next to me

MAN

Hey are you alright?

CHRISTINA

Yeah, sorry, I stepped on some glass.

MAN

Here lemme see.

CHRISTINA

Oh you don't-(he grabs her foot and she winces slightly and he looks scathingly at the task at hand)

MAN

What'd you jump on it?

CHRISTINA

No! It was an accident. 

MAN

Well. (he puts his hand on the piece of glass and looks at her) Tell me about yourself. 

CHRISTINA

(looking at her foot, she looks back up at him skeptically) I'm good...

MAN

No like what's your name. Or where you're from. (she looks back at her foot) Don't worry about your foot, tell me something.

CHRISTINA

(not wanting to shock him over her name or job description she chooses not to say) I'd rather not say to be honest.

MAN

I'm not a murdering rapist, just a friend.

CHRISTINA

No it's not that, it's just, not to sound arrogant, but my name is known and it'd make things weird.

MAN

Really?

CHRISTINA

Yeah...what's your name?

MAN

Can't say.

CHRISTINA

We're really going to play this game?

MAN

For the same reason you can't.

CHRISTINA

(jokingly)Is that true or are you just being mean? 

MAN

(he laughs) It's true!

CHRISTINA

(laughing) Okay, well this sucks. You can call me Stephanie if you want.

MAN

I'll be Luke.

CHRISTINA

Alright Luke. Can you say your job?

LUKE

Nope! You?

CHRISTINA

No-AH! (at that exact moment LUKE ripped out the glass and threw it at the wall and it shattered even more. CHRISTINA grabbed onto LUKE's jacket, gritting her teeth) 

LUKE

And how are we feeling today...

CHRISTINA

Oh sweet lord why....

LUKE

Here, stay still. (he takes some tissues from his pocket and holds them to her foot)

CHRISTINA

I hope you're a very, very famous doctor and that's why you can't say...

LUKE

(sarcastically)That's it. You got me.

CHRISTINA

 (sarcastically) I'm a winner today Luke.

LUKE

Good thing too, only winners get glass in their feet.

CHRISTINA

You know it. (taking a hair tie from her wrist she places it over her foot to hold the tissues) I hope you don't mind me taking these tissues...

LUKE

(jokingly)You want them? These were my grandmothers.

CHRISTINA

May she rest in peace.

LUKE

In hell.

CHRISTINA

Bad lady?

LUKE

Bad habits.

CHRISTINA

(she laughs loudly) You know, you're alright.

LUKE

You're not too bad yourself. (he helps her up and she cringes as she walks on her foot past LUKE) 

CHRISTINA

Thank you so much, it was really nice to meet you but I really ought to be getting home. 

LUKE

Your mom want you?

CHRISTINA

(she laughs) I wish.

LUKE

Ooh, parental problems?

CHRISTINA

Don't have any parents.

LUKE

So yes.

CHRISTINA

(she laughs) Yes I suppose that could be considered a problem, but I make due.

LUKE

(he makes a pitiful face)Lemme take you home, you can barely walk as it is.

CHRISTINA

(fearful of him dropping her off at her 'home' of NBC she makes an excuse) Oh no I'm fine, I'm a pretty tough girl I can make it. (she smiles and walk away)

LUKE

Alright, see ya.

I then walked away, or well, hobbled away. I didn't make it very far though, my clothes were soaking wet and I was on Park Ave and was around 58th street so I still had a while's way to go. Just when I was passing 58th street a car pulled over next to me, it was Luke. He swung a door open for me and told me to get in, looking at my condition I told him I'd ruin his BMW and he smiled and told me it was a rental-car. Sighing I gave in a got in the car (KIDS: DON'T DO THIS I'M STUPID)

LUKE

Thought I'd find you around here.

CHRISTINA

You evil mastermind.

LUKE

(he laughs) So, want me to take you home?

CHRISTINA

Nah.

LUKE

You hungry?

CHRISTINA

Sure. I'm feeling shitty food...you?

LUKE

You read my like a book Steph.

CHRISTINA

(remembering her name, she laughs) Stephanie that's right...

LUKE

So how shitty are we going for? Like McDonalds or-

CHRISTINA

Your choice Luke, know any good places with heaters? Or places that also sell clothes?

LUKE

I know just the place. It's very close.

CHRISTINA

(knowing that they were now close to NBC she knew if anything were to happen she'd be close to home) Alright!

We ended up going to the Hilton on 6th Ave. and 52nd St. (very close to NBC) and it just so happens that Luke is staying there for a while because of his job. So, if we were to stay friends and if I were to not be murdered/raped, I'd have an easy route to him. We went upstairs to his room and he lent me another leather jacket to "keep with today's theme" and I borrowed a blanket from his room and we went to the lobby and drank hot chocolate and just talked. Just talked while both of us were completely sunglassed and hooded. We're so sarcastic and silly, I had a really decent conversation. It was weird, it was like the conversation I have with Seth, Noel, Nasim, and Julian. Genuine conversations about...anything. It made me realize that I have a lot of poser conversations, and that's shit. Real big shit. I really liked talking to Luke, even though I knew that wasn't his name and I'd never find it out unless I told him mine. But...I like this innocence, or well, ignorance. I like having genuine conversations with people. So I made a decision at that very moment. I decided to spend the whole day with this guy, up until 11:20PM when I had to go on, then I'd blind-fold him, sit him in the audience (we always have 5 open seats for SNL friends and family, always), and let him watch the show, then during the cold open I'd wink at him or give him some kind of signal that would show him who I was, and maybe, just maybe, he'd have his sunglasses and hood off and I'd get to see who he was as well. 

And that's exactly what I did.

We talked in his hotel for...maybe 2 hours so at around 3PM we went driving around NYC. It was nice, then I decided to take a chance and show this stranger my secret hide-out. I don't use it anymore but when I still at the orphanage I would sometimes go there and just mull things over. I appreciated that spot, it was comforting, however, when I look back on that spot a lot it reminds me of a lot of horrible things that have happened in my past. So I would do a lot of "soul-searching" in that spot. And for some reason, I felt it necessary to go there with this Luke guy. I haven't even showed Jules the spot, but Luke just seemed like he'd appreciate it the most. He parked his car by Grand Central Station and we took the train to Irvington (about 30min outside the city). The train ride was interesting, it was 10 minutes through when I got a text from Jules.

1 NEW MESSAGE FROM Julian Casablancas AT 16:12PM <Hey where're you? Kenan said you went out to get food.>

*1 NEW MESSAGE FROM Christina Essenelle AT 16:13PM <Oh yeah that was a while ago, I'm hanging out with person>

1 NEW MESSAGE FROM Julian Casablancas AT 16:15PM <Oh, who? Nick?>

*1 NEW MESSAGE FROM Christina Essenelle AT 16:18PM <nah, Luke.>

1 NEW MESSAGE FROM Julian Casablancas AT 16:18PM <Luke who? SKYWALKER?> 
*1 NEW MESSAGE FROM Chrstina Essenelle AT 16:21PM <yes. No I don't know his last name.>

1 NEW MESSAGE FROM Julian Casablancas AT 16:24PM <...but actually.>
*1 NEW MESSAGE FROM Christina Essenelle AT 16:25PM <haha, joking, don't worry about it Jules I'll be home safe and sound for SNL tonight>

1 NEW MESSAGE FROM Julian Casablancas AT 16:13PM <alright have fun. Don't die.>

Now that is some trust right there. I told Luke about the spot that we were going to, I didn't say much though, he was worried, he probably thought I was the murderer all along.

CHRISTINA

It's really awesome, I used to go there a lot when I was a kid.

LUKE

Oh really? Like a park?

CHRISTINA

Something like that. 

LUKE

Is it nice? You got a couch?

CHRISTINA

I might. Don't worry it'll be grand.

LUKE

...but will it?

CHRISTINA

Don't worry 'bout it. You see soon enough.

LUKE

...alright I give-up Steph, you can just tell me now.

CHRISTINA

(she laughs) Yeah maybe later. Calm down! We're getting off at Irvington, a small town named after a writer. You'll be fine.

LUKE

(sighs defeated) Fine. I'll get you eventually. 

CHRISTINA

Hehe. So why're you in the city for such a short period of time?

LUKE

Job.

CHRISTINA

Ah, I see. Are you going to do any stereotypical New York City stuff?

LUKE

(he laughs) Like what?

CHRISTINA

I dunno...see a Broadway show, go to the Statue of Liberty, go to Ellis Island...go to a taping of Saturday Night Live...

LUKE

I've done all that, except for the last one.

CHRISTINA

You've never seen Saturday Night Live?

LUKE

I've seen the show, just not been to a taping.

CHRISTINA

I've never been in the audience either.

LUKE

They've really been going up and down with that show haven't they?

CHRISTINA

What with Will Forte leaving? ...that's the bald guy right? [FORGIVE ME WILL]

LUKE

Well that, and they added four new people. I dunno, I don't like 'em.

CHRISTINA

Hey, newbies are never the main focus...that Kristen Wiig though. She's incredible. 

LUKE

Yeah she's always been a firecracker. Love that new chick.

CHRISTINA

Curly hair girl? Vanesssssaaaa...?

LUKE

No, Christina Essenelle! 

CHRISTINA

(gulping down her fear she continues the conversation) Yeah she's fuckin' great.

LUKE

She's really good, I think she's better than Kristen but that's just me. 

CHRISTINA

I think they're both great, Kristen's been there longer. 

LUKE

I don't know if it's cause Kristen's married but there's something about that Essenelle that's cool. Apparently she's doing BBC TV for the next few months. 

CHRISTINA

No she's still doing SNL.

LUKE

Well yeah, but BBC TV as well.

CHRISTINA

Probably, I'm not sure. (testing the waters) Why do you like her so much?

LUKE

Well...she's hot. I mean, who wouldn't? Didn't she date DiCaprio?

CHRISTINA

(blushing wildly) Definitely not...she and the Strokes guy are a thing.

LUKE

No that's not true.

CHRISTINA

Yes it is.

LUKE

Well, that WAS true. They broke up.

CHRISTINA

(laughing) Maybe you're right. I thought they were together.

LUKE

Yeah, I've heard about it from several sources that they broke up. They broke up like...3 months ago? 

CHRISTINA

(still laughing) Do you know what happened?

LUKE

It's not funny! They were cute, pissed me off too, apparently they couldn't handle long distance when she was in London and she broke it off. 

CHRISTINA

She so would.

~after talking for 15 minutes another person came up~

CHRISTINA

I've been on a movie binge this whole week.

LUKE

And what was on your movie menu?

CHRISTINA

Drive, Double Indemnity, Blue Valentine, Maltese Falcon, The Runaways, and that Megan Fox movie where's she's a demon that eats people.

LUKE

I've seen all those movies except for the Runaways.

CHRISTINA

I was forced into watching it with my friend Natasha [instead of Nasim] it was okay.

LUKE

What'd you think of Drive and Blue Valentine.

CHRISTINA

Fantastic, absolutely fantastic. I cried at the end of Blue Valentine, Ryan Gosling is too good of an actor. He makes it too real and I can't handle it.

LUKE

You must hate him.

CHRISTINA

No, I respect him so much. He's so versatile as well. Drive was...ah, so good.

LUKE

I just watched it recently too. Did you have a favorite part?

CHRISTINA

Not sure, either the elevator scene or the hotel "did you know there was a second car" scene.

LUKE

(he laugh confusedly) Why those scenes?

CHRISTINA

Cause I just remove the girl and picture myself in their position.

LUKE

(he looks down and smiles to himself) You want to get your head blown off?

CHRISTINA

It's my dream Luke. My DREAM.

LUKE

You're weird.

CHRISTINA

You love it.

LUKE

I do.

CHRISTINA

I like the scene in Blue Valentine with Ryan and Michelle... doing stuff together.

LUKE

Doing stuff? The whole movie they did stuff ya goof.

CHRISTINA

No...the-

LUKE

The eating-out scene?

CHRISTINA

Yeah.

LUKE

(he laughs) You can just say it you know, I'm not embarrassed. 

CHRISTINA

Well I didn't want others to overhear...

LUKE

You're crazy. 

CHRISTINA

Maybe so, but you love it.

LUKE

(looks down and smiles again) I do.

We finally got to Irvington and got off and started our trek. My secret hiding spot isn't anywhere near the train station so it was a bit of a walk (considering Main St. is a hill). We got to the street and he stopped me in front of the entry to the woods. He was a little nervous about going in because I was a stranger to him and if I were to murder him well, this would be the place to do it. So I just took his hand and dragged him in, saying it was a new experience and he was stronger than me and could runaway if he wanted. He said that I should call him Kristen Stewart, because she was in the Runaways. Ah, reference received. We went through the woods for about...5 minutes when we came across the big opening. The entire woods had been covered in shade, except for this one spot which had light shining through the tops of the trees. It was gorgeous. There were my logs (Luke's couches) and my meditating rock (Luke's yelling pedestal). I've missed that spot, no one's ever been there, and it was nice to show him it, I knew that if I showed one of my friends it they wouldn't take it seriously, and I knew if I showed Julian it he'd love it but if we ever broke up I'd never go back there ever again. So Luke was the perfect choice. Luke's really funny, I really enjoyed our time there, everything was just...hilarious. I don't think I've laughed that hard with someone in a really long time. I mean:

LUKE

Stephanie. What is with this carpet.

CHRISTINA

Luke, they're LEAVES.

LUKE

Could've done better.

CHRISTINA

I've got it! You're a famous interior decorator.

LUKE

Oooh, but here's the task at hand. Which one?

CHRISTINA

(laughing) Piss off.

LUKE

I love what you've done with these trees.

CHRISTINA

They use to be green.

LUKE

The yellow and orange really brightens up the place. 

CHRISTINA

(looking at his yellow shirt) I was thinking of you in mind.

LUKE

You sweetheart.

CHRISTINA

You know you'd see the colors better if you took your sunglasses off.

LUKE

Nice try.

CHRISTINA

It was worth a shot.

LUKE

Yeah, yeah, wanna see how far I can throw this?

There was not point where things got awkward or weird or silent. Unless I asked him to shut-up. I think he has ADHD, cause he's kind of psychotic. In a good way of course. We hung around Irvington until 8PM then we walked to Elmsford and saw a Sports Time USA open. (for those of you who do not live in NY Sports Time is arcade place) So we jumped on that like we were starving lions. We climbed the rock walls (he beat me), played bumper cars (we were in the same car and just killed EVERYONE), played those stupid driving games (I won), played the horse races (we lost), and played so many other games that together we put together our tickets and got a BB Gun. Why Sports Time USA is now selling BB guns I have no idea, but that's what we got. We then realized how late it was (mainly me because I actually had to be back on time) and decided to go back to the train station and got the next ride back to Manhattan. Everyone on the train segregated themselves from us, which wasn't that abnormal since we were the pair wearing sunglasses, hats, hoods, and holding guns. Our ticket stubber was even more confused and asked if he should be watching us. Luke smiled and said "Sir I am a respectable person. The lady however, is psychotic." to which I replied, "You gonna believe a face like that? Look at that face, no way in hell. Am I right?" to which the ticket stubber replied "You're both fucking weird.". We laughed.

We made it back to Manhattan at around 11PM and when we got to Luke's car I gave him the ultimatum. 

CHRISTINA

Luke, you don't have to do the same but I'm going to bring you somewhere and show you who I am. You can do the same, or you can just see who I am. But I want to do this because I want to be your friend and I think at this point if you knew who I was it wouldn't be awkward.

LUKE

I agree. I don't think it would be weird since we're both known people. So, how are we going to do this. 

CHRISTINA

You'll be blind-folded.

LUKE

You should probably drive.

CHRISTINA 

Sounds good.

LUKE

Wait, how old are you? Can you drive?

CHRISTINA

 (laughing) I'm 21, yes I can drive.

LUKE

Good, blind-fold away Steph.

~after blind-folding and getting him through NBC security crap I sit him in the seat~

CHRISTINA

I'm gonna go, I asked my friend to un-blind-fold you when the time is right and I told the person next to you to keep their hands to themselves so, you're good. I'll be the one blinking like an idiot.

LUKE

Haha, alright, see you soon.

CHRISTINA

Literally. (he laughs and she runs backstage and gets on her hair, costume, and make-up, and is berated for not coming earlier. The lights go down and the audience applauds just before the lights go on JASON runs over to LUKE and takes off his blind-fold and then runs away for the lights to turn on. LUKE takes off his hood and watches the performance)

FRED

Thank you, thank you thank you thank you. You know I start every show thanking you, and I don't know why. Because if you say you're welcome I can't hear you because that's the way television's work. But let's not think about that or my little head will go boop-sha-boop. Oh Larry Welk. Anyway here with a salute to autumn is Eugene Doalocks backed up by the singing stars of the Maraja sisters that came all the way from the Finger Lakes. Which Finger Lake? The longest, dirtiest one. And a 1 and a 2 and a-

TARAN

Well hey there partner, thanks for scaring them crows away. Why do I hate crows? Just CAWS. What do you say you and I stroll and try to find a date to the harvest dance? Well then HAY you just HANG right there. Walking through a field looking for some love but all I see is corn. October is filled with orange-y things the leaves are turning and love is born. Speaking of love, hello.

CHRISTINA

(blinking ridiculously at the audience to find LUKE she sees the seat where he's at and notices he has taken off his sunglasses and hood. LUKE is really RYAN GOSLING. If she weren't on stage her jaw would be to the floor, right back at her RYAN is gawking at her at points to her mouthing 'Steph?') I'm Stephanie!

TARAN

I'll call you Steph! (RYAN covers his awed mouth. The show contines)

The show was fantastic. Melissa was on fire, especially for Arlene, Seth was magnificent in Update (he broke character, which is always hilarious, unless you do it a lot [JIMMY]), and after the end-clap and credits I jumped off the stage and tackled Ryan and we hugged for a good minute. Nasim yelled "I TOLD YOU SO" and I waved her away as I hugged Ryan. I think it's crazy that today he was Luke the nice stranger/doctor and I was Steph the psychotic nature girl. I never in a million years would've thought Ryan and I would ever have a friendship like that. We're such good friends, and it's DAY 1! I'm better friends with Ryan than some people I've known for a year! Ah, I can't get over today. The show was fantastic, Melissa was the best, the after party was magic and I've made yet another new friend. I'm really just soaking up my time on this earth.