9AM: I wake up early just from sheer excitement, and...I'm alone. I usually wake-up to Jules but not even, I look around the room and he's not anywhere. So I leave. Some birthday, huh. I go to the living room and watch an episode of America's Next Top Model. There's always a marathon on Oxygen. Don't judge. Then I realize that Noel slept in my room last night on the couch so I go to see if he's there. HE IS! This is good. He's still asleep though so I'll leave him there.
10AM: Episode ends and I go back to my room to see if Julian returned. Only Noel is there snoring like a beast. I feed my fish and get dressed (yes I watched a whole episode of ANTM in my underwear) and notice that all my clothes are gone. Fortunately my clothing/boyfriend thief didn't steal his clothes so my outfit for the day were a pair of skinny jeans, band-tee, and a leather jacket. Classic Jules. With that I went to the writing studio offices to go say hi to Seth.
11AM: Guess who also is gone for the day. Everyone in the writing studio offices. Cool. I go to see Jimmy or Steve or Miles. All gone. Maybe I'll go see Amy at Parks and Rec. Nope. I try The Office set, everyone's gone, 30 Rock? Nope. Even Lorne is gone for the day.
12PM: I go back to my room and eat left over food that I took from Kiv's party and eat that while playing Mario Kart 64. Noel wakes up now and is watching me in sheer amazement.
NOEL
What time is it?
CHRISTINA
12PM sleeping beauty.
NOEL
Aaaaaah. Okay. What're you wearing.
CHRISTINA
Everyone I know is gone on my birthday and stole my clothes too. So I am wearing Julian's things.
NOEL
Julian owned that? Hard to believe.
CHRISTINA
Casablancas not Barratt.
NOEL
Ooohhh. Right, your pal.
So he started playing the game with me too. By the way yes I do have a Nintendo 64 thank you very much!1PM: Noel and I incredulously look around NBC again just to check if anyone has come back, I do this while texting Seth, Amy, Tina, and Julian just to see if they'll reply. Nope. We then decided to leave and go see where Nick is.
2PM: Nick's not home, AND neither is Julian's car. Meaning that I'm walking to all these people's homes. Aren't I awesomely fit. Since Noel suggested it we went to Sprinkles Cupcakes in celebration of my birthday to get myself a cupcake, then we went to a drug store and I got myself some candles and went back home.
3PM: We get home and while watching Sweeney Todd I blow out of candle, make a wish, and split my birthday cupcake with Noel. What a day. I'm not complaining that I didn't have a crazy amazing birthday, I'm complaining that Seth got my hopes up for nothing. And THAT is why I'm a little bummed, but it's not like this is any different from any other year.
4PM: I leave Sweeney Todd and go into the sauna where we talked for an hour about absolute randomness. You know I really glad SOMEONE is with me for my first birthday in all eternity. Noel is a really amazing guy and I'm glad he's here. He's funny and his style is quite incredible. Noel is my new best friend after all.
5PM: We leave because we are sweating like crazy. Leaving we go jump in the pool for a bit and then get dressed again, blow-dry my hair (look presentable...I want to look nice when I confront Seth about his giving of high expectations [which isn't even true because I DIDN'T have high expectations I just assumed I would see people I knew and they would say 'Happy Birthday Christina' THAT'S IT] )
6PM: We were playing Chinese checkers with Inflammation playing in the background when I get a knock on my door and I immediately throw every insecurity out the window and open it hoping for anyone of my friends. It's Don Roy King (director of SNL) telling me he wants me to help him with the casting decisions. He says he wants to fire someone and then replace that person by this year but it might not happen, so...yeah. He sees that Noel is with me and he asks him why he's here. Noel shrugs and puts his arm around me saying "I like this girl!". Confused Don leads us into the elevator and we went up to the top floor.I just assumed he had an office near the top floor and he pressed the roof by accident. Nope, hovering over the top of the NBC building was a helicopter that had a rope ladder draped off the door. Sitting in the helicopter is Jules holding a big sign that says "I'm sorry they made me do it.". He then looks confused at Noel and then I turn to Noel saying:
CHRISTINA
(shouting over the loud helicopter) DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?
NOEL
NO...WAS I SUPPOSE TO?
CHRISTINA
I DUNNO. THIS IS SO FREAKIN' COOL.
NOEL
I KNOW I'VE NEVER BEEN IN A HELICOPTER BEFORE!
CHRISTINA
AAAAAH
We then climb the later and put on these head phones. The view is incredible. We go all around New York City, around the Empire State Building, around Ellis Island, everywhere! Julian is now holding my hand and he writes down on a piece of paper "Who is that?" and I write down "Noel Fielding", Julian knowing now who he is writes down "Oh, that's really funny because...I'll tell you after all this" then I write "Thank you so much for this it's really amazing, we should go out to dinner tonight, I'll find somewhere". then he writes "Are you fucking crazy? Just wait you'll see. Today is going to be the best day of your life.". Smiling from sheer excitement I turn to Noel and say "I'M FREAKIN' OUT RIGHT NOW". And he smiles and laughs with me.
7PM: We land on this warehouse and (btw Julian had this custom made red sparkly dress for me in the helicopter so I changed there, oh and Julian is wearing a tuxedo) Julian escorts me out and Noel is literally the awkward third wheel but he is so chill that he's fine with tat and we go down this stairwell and when we open the doors...Oh my God it was amazing. There were hundreds maybe thousands of people there clapping and cheering for me, I cried just by sheer happiness. We all made it to the bottom of the stairs and Seth was there giving me a huge hug.SETH
Happy Birthday Christina!
CHRISTINA
Who did all this?? Not you...
SETH
I DID! With the help of some people of course...
CHRISTINA
Good God Seth you are the coolest person in the world. (in tears she hugs him and kisses him on the cheek tightly to everyone's cheers. After they part the party resumes)
8PM: There were two main rooms for the party one had lots of chairs and tables for people to sit and eat at and also there was a full on bar (now that I'm 21...) and a stage where Anberlin, Owl City, Passion Pit, Nine Inch Nails, Death Cab for Cutie, Oasis, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, and The Strokes played. They played throughout the entire night and they were absolutely wonderful. In the other room was...absolute madness. It was labeled the "Fun" Room. There was a Velcro wall, a bouncy castle, a character artist, a rock wall, a cotton candy machine, a gun shoot-out thing, and right smack dad in the middle of the room was a giant spaceshuttle (those rides where you get in and it spins so that you could hover on the walls? yeah one of those). I was mainly in the Fun Room for the duration of the night. Only stopping once to eat, and then again for speeches.9PM: Speeches...I cried for nearly every single one.
SETH
I guess I'll start this off. I've known Christina for all of her 'famous' life. I saw something in her that time on the train, there was a spark in her that I knew no one else had. Something that everyone should envy. She's courageous, she's witty, and as you all know she's drop dead gorgeous. That's why my gift to you Christina is this party, because I know that you would've never thrown yourself one out of modesty and well...I love you. You know that but I just wanted to say it. You're amazing and I hope you know that whenever you need anyone for anything, I'll be there. Happy Birthday Christina.
NASIM
Hard to go after that BUT I love you Christina. You're hilarious and you've always been there for me and I can't imagine what SNL would be like without you. I mean for godsakes you are ESSENELLE. Everything about SNL surrounds you. So yeah I'm jealous as fuck but I'm just glad I got to be your best friend along the way. Happy birthday girlfreeeennn. [NOTE: I'm not going to put all of them just the ones that I want to so these are not in order after NASIM's]
JASON
My my how much you've grown. I remember you asking me what a slate was. But here you are, used to be covered in rags and now you're rolling in riches. You're phenomenal, Christina. The first time we talked seriously at night...I think was when I realized just what kind of person you are. Happy 21st Christina, you deserve it.
LORNE
Christina Essenelle. The minute I saw that tape Will sent me I knew I was going to put you on the show. Do you know how many legal battles I overcame because of you? And they were all worth it, every single one. You are very very talented and I hope for many more seasons with you. I'd also like to take this time to present you with this (he takes out a plaque and hands it to me) It's your official notice that you're become a featured player on Saturday Night Live. You 100% have deserved it, ratings haven't been this high since Andy joined the show. This party is incredible and so are you, I hope you have an amazing birthday.
TYSON
I could recite all the memories we've had but that would take forever. Christina you mean the world to me and I hope we can be friends forever. Seeing these people talk about you makes me realize that you've inspired a lot of people and make just about everyone laugh. You're absolutely stunning and one day we'll rule the world just like we planned. I hope you have an amazing birthday, I truly adore everything about you.
NOEL
What the FUCK. I met this girl yesterday and I already love her! She's, well, she's incredible. I met her and instantly there was this connection that was unbreakable. She could have nothing in common with the person and still they'd be best friends. It's funny, I have no computer and almost never watch TV and yet I STILL knew who she was. People can't get enough of you. Literally the first words out of my mouth when I saw her were "You're the "it" girl!" and "You're absolutely beautiful". I'm glad I met you and didn't get the memo that we were suppose to ignore her for a day. Today was grand! You shoulda seen her, she was so sad that we went to Sprinkles Cupcakes and got her a cupcake and some candles and we split that and then blew out the candles while watching Sweeney Todd. Now THAT'S my kind of birthday. But happy birthday Christina I'm glad to have met you.
NICK V.
Christina, Christina, Christina. My look at all the teary faces in this room. You bitch! No, really you're fantastic. I don't remember who said this but I remember someone saying that it's hard not to fall in love with you. And that's so true. Everything you do is magic, you twirl and people fall to your feet ready to worship you. It's hard to believe you were homeless throughout the first 20 years of your life. That one time when we were watching V for Vendetta at my house...that was the epitome of our relationship. I miss times like that, and all the stuff we watched on my computer in Ireland and Scotland...I hope you never change Christina, you're too perfect for that. Happy birthday.
CILLIAN
Did you see your cake back there? Oh my God Seth Meyers are are just incredible. Christina I love you to bits and pieces and I hope we can be friends forever too, you're the only person I can knock on the door at 3AM and have someone to talk to and a place to stay. You're so motherly, I remember someone saying how you always look out for everyone and ESPECIALLY the little guy. That's a really amazing trait to have, I hope you have a wonderful birthday love.
MICHAEL C.
Damn. Alright Christina from these last few people I'm going to go barge down your door late at night and I'm going to drive around town looking for you so I can kidnap you (Jake Gylenhaal said that...haha). If it works for them it'll work for me right? But in all seriousness you're such an amazing person. I met you really randomly and you clung to me like a freakin' koala bear. I've never met someone who tries as hard as you do to maintain all 10,000 of your friends. I love hanging out with you and I wish I was on SNL so I could say that I work with you. I'm not gonna lie I look up to you a lot, and I think a lot of us do. You're just such an great person to take after. I think you're fantastic, have a great birthday.
JULIAN
Christina Essenelle. My love, my pride, my joy, my girl. I love you more than anyone else in the entire world. More than anyTHING else in the entire world. People ask me all the time how difficult it is being your boyfriend when you have so many people loving you, and all I say to that is that I trust you 100% and couldn't imagine us ever being apart. We've done so much together, we've been to over 10 different countries (and many more tomorrow) we went to fuckin' Niagara Falls for Valentines Day, we even dressed up as pirates running around the town. I love waking up to you, I love the way you smell, I love the way you act, I love who you are and what you stand for. I showed you my song the other day...you ARE the coolest girl in this whole town and I DO wanna parade you around. You define the word perfection. You're loving and you make everyone smile and laugh. I can honestly say I've never met someone as beautiful and devoted as you. This party shows just how many people's hearts you've touched. I've never once thought about life without you. And today...was the worst. Being without you for an entire day...I wanted to die. But when I saw you in my clothes on that roof. I could've died happy right there. But I would've because I know I want to die by your side. You're beautiful, I would never want to be with anyone but you and every morning I wake up to breakfast...it's like you're playing to my heart cords. You truly are undeniably perfect, and I love you. Happy Birthday dear.
Next is the guest list that I can personally remember (not that I blacked out or anything it's just that there were a lot of people!!) then it's the birthday presents...good lord. They're in no order whatsoever, either of the lists.
1. Taylor Swift
2. Jason Sudeikis
3. Andy Samberg
4. Bill Hader
5. Bobby Moynihan
6. Jay Pharoah
7. Kristen Wiig
8. Keenan Thompson
9. Jenny Slate
10. Lorne Michaels
11. Maya Rudolph
12. Rachel Dratch
13. Seth Meyers
14. Nasim Pedrad
15. Paul Brittain
16. Taran Killam
17. Vanessa Bayer
18. Will Forte
19. Tina Fey
20. Amy Poehler
21. Jimmy Fallon
22. Conan O’Brien
23. Liza Powell
24. Christina Aguilera
25. Julian Casablancas
26. Nick Valensi
27. Nick Wheeler
28. Tyson Ritter
29. Nikolai Fraiture
30. Fab Moretti
31. Ryan Gentles
32. Albert Hammond Jr.
33. Mike Kennerty
34. Chris Gaylor
35. Chris Parnell
36. Jorma Taccone
37. Zac Efron
38. Joseph Gordon Levitt
39. Zooey Deschanel
40. Akiva Schaffer
41. Kristen’s nephews
42. Bryan Cranston
43. Jack McBrayer
44. Andy Richter
45. Alec Baldwin
46. Jane Lynch
47. Tom Felton
48. Chris Colfer
49. Leo DiCaprio
50. Matt Damon
51. Emma Stone
52. Jon Hamm
53. Guy Ritchie
54. Michael Cera
55. Scarlett Johansson
56. Anne Hathaway
57. Justin Timberlake
58. Mila Kunis
59. Fred Armisen
60. Orlando Bloom
61. Johnny Depp
62. Carrie Brownstein
63. Jonah Hill
64. Andrew Garfield
65. Kate Moss
66. Ben Stiller
67. John Krasinski
68. Rainn Wilson
69. Steve Carell
70. Taraji P
71. Stephen Colbert
72. Jake Gylenhaal
73. Robert De Niro
74. Matthew Goode
75. Paul Rudd
76. Robert Downey Jr.
77. Owl City
78. Nine Inch Nails
79. Anberlin
80. Jonathan Meyers
81. Passion Pit
82. Cillian Murphy
83. Debbie Harry
84. Jim Carrey
85. Gwyneth Paltrow
86. Jesse Eisenberg
87. Dana Carvey
88. Russel Brand
89. Lady Gaga
90. Mike Myers
91. Katy Perry
92. Selena Gomez
93. Busta Rhymes
94. Mark Wahlberg
95. Warren Fu
96. Daniel Tosh
97. Steve Higgins
98. Christian Bale
99. A.D. Miles
1. Justin Bieber
2. Margera’s
3. Zach Galifianakis
4. Drew Barrymore
5. Steel Panthers
6. Anna Kendrick
7. Miley Cyrus
8. Sarah Silverman
9. Elton John
10. Josh Meyers
11. Illy
12. Helen Mirren
13. Jeffrey Donovan
14. Kirsten Dunst
15. Tobey Maguire
16. Ed Helms
17. Jenna Fischer
18. Jeff Richmond
19. Steve Martin
20. Tracy Morgan
21. Emma Watson
22. Ryan Philippe
23. Reese Witherspoon
24. Selma Blair
25. Demi Lovato
26. Emily Osment
27. Jennifer Anniston
28. Neil Patrick Harris
29. Chris Kattan
30. James Franco
31. Keith Middlebrook
BIRTHDAY GIFT LIST
1. Ice Cream Machine
2. Death Cab for Cutie Band Tee
3. All 4 Strokes RECORDS
4. Blue Jingle Tree
5. Music Note Ornaments
6. Laptop Case
7. Dart Board
8. Finger Nail Kit
9. Blanket
10. Mighty Boosh Album
11. Fish Tank
12. Comic Books
13. A RED COURVET
14. Edible Arrangements
15. Chalk Set
16. Polaroid Camera
17. Coke Machine
18. Gumball Machine
19. Silverware
20. Dishware
21. Cups
22. Napkin Holder
23. Eating table for 3 (nicer than the one I have…WAY nicer…)
24. Laptop Mini Desk
25. Book of Mozart Sheet Music
26. Book of Harry Potter Sheet Music
27. Painting
28. Painting
29. Painting
30. Purse
31. Purse
32. Purse
33. Purse
34. Purse
35. Bracelet
36. Bracelet
37. Bracelet
38. Necklace
39. Necklace
40. Necklace
41. Necklace
42. Ring
43. Ring
44. Ring
45. Ring
46. Earring
47. Earring
48. Earring
49. Earring
50. Shirt
51. Shirt
52. Shirt
53. Shirt
54. Shirt
55. Shirt
56. Shirt
57. Jeans
58. Jeans
59. Shoes
60. Shoes
61. Shoes
62. Shoes
63. Shoes
64. Pillows
65. Sheets
66. Sheets
67. Lamp
68. Lamp
69. Painting set
70. Assortment of tapes
71. Digital camera
72. Digital video camera
73. Wind chimes
74. Scarf
75. Scarf
76. Scarf
77. Make-up
78. Make-up
79. Make-up
80. Make-up
81. Candle
82. Candle
83. Candle
84. Candle
85. Candle
86. Candle
87. Candle
88. Candle
89. Bath accessories
90. Bath accessories
91. Bath accessories
92. Bath accessories
93. Bath accessories
94. Bath accessories
95. Bath accessories
96. Bath accessories
97. Bath accessories
98. Bath accessories
99. Bath accessories
1. Bath accessories
2. Bath accessories
3. Bath accessories
4. Bath accessories
5. Bath accessories
6. Bath accessories
7. Bath accessories
8. Bath accessories
9. Bath accessories
10. Bath accessories
11. Stuffed animal
12. Stuffed animal
13. Stuffed animal
14. Framed picture
15. Framed picture
16. Framed picture
17. Stationary
18. Stationary
19. Gift card
20. gift card
21. gift card
22. gift card
23. gift card
24. gift card
25. gift card
26. gift card
27. gift card
28. gift card
29. gift card
30. gift card
31. gift card
Can I just have an ending note on this wonderful day? I couldn't have asked for anything more than this day. It was amazing it was spectacular it was...well it was perfect. My first birthday ever and it was more than I even imagined. I love every single one of you. And I especially love Seth Meyers for doing all this. Really thank you everyone this is..this is amazing. Toodles!
