Better Run Boy

Somewhere out in space
There is a place
Where I can do
What I want to
And all at my own pace
Somewhere out of time
I hope I'll find
A place where I
Can just unwind
And work on my own mind
Oh, send my a signal
Oh, give me a prayer
I just need to know that
There's some spot out there
Where I could be me
And you could be you
And we could we
How great it would be me
No more of these murders
We could just disagree
No Mickeys and Tupaks
No [one] unheard and poor thieve
Where I could be me
And you could be you
And we could we
How great it would be me

Hate to say that I called the bachelorette's last episode but...MMHM. Gotta give a congrats to Jimmy Kimmel for calling the two of the top three but come on Jimmy! Michael in the final three? Come on...so what Chris likes almonds! Ha ha, Chris was always "out" in my head too though. Too sensitive for me. (that's a note to you boys out there! no poetry -- PLEASE) I wonder if Des went home after that interview and cried because she chose Brooks to be the winner too. Hmm. Ben was over last night to watch the most recent episode of The Bachelorette...well he wasn't there to watch it but I made him because I really wanted to watch it. Ben's a funny guy, made me laugh throughout the whole tragic episode. He's a nice guy, hope ya'll agree. I had the whitest kids over the night before last night and MAN was that a weird experience. We were all hanging out and then they decided it was time to leave and so I went back to my bedroom and went to sleep and FUCKING TREVOR is at the edge of my bed (and this is after 20 minutes of me just laying on my bed, and I just so happened to roll over and peer at the edge of my bed) looking at me with those ridiculously large doe eyes. Of course I scream and he, ALONG WITH THE FOUR OTHER WHITEST KIDS, start laughing...! Sam was under my bed, Timmy and Darren were in my closet and Zach was behind my curtain! Ugh, so then they stay overnight and we play strip poker and make bad decisions. Overall it was a fun night, I drove Trevor to work in the morning and that day at work...? Was nothingness...as usual.

Closing Rhyme

I leave for New York in 19 days...it would've been cleaner if I wrote this yesterday but ALAS: 19 days. I've already started packing a few things that I bought just for my apartment/dorm thing in New York. Got some cool wall decals and a better shelving unit. But I'm leaving soon! I'm not entirely sure what's going to happen with Ben, Bradley, Jen, Tyson, and the whitest kids but for right now...I'm going back to NBC alone. I know that sounds depressing but that's what I'm doing. And it's not really alone when I've got the whole SNL cast and crew around. Jen was originally going to live with me but with Catching Fire coming out she'll be traveling a lot doing interviews, promos, commercials etc. etc.

Nasim is coming to California! She's staying at my house from the 6th to the 13th. I've already got a bunch of stuff planned, amusement parks, shopping sprees, movies to watch, parties to go to, TV tapings, (I'm dragging her along to a Jimmy Kimmel interview and a Chelsea Lately interview). "Hey Christina what ever happened (a strokes song title!) to you and Kimmel?" well voice in my head, Jimmy (as stated earlier) is a late night talk show host, and is therefore extraordinarily busy. But I saw him in Hawaii and have seen him at several parties as well. I'll be on his show again on August 8th unless of course-I get bumped.

I was thinking of doing some radical changes to my apartment at 30 Rock. It's been the same for about...3 years? God has it really been that long? I still can't believe I'm coming up on my fourth season. It seems like only yesterday I was watching Disney movies with Kristen, Nasim, and Abby and doing sketches with Will and Andy...anyways, I want to make some changes. Here's the basic floor plan of an SNL room, and if you're wondering why it looks like an autistic 5 year old drew this it's because I did--on paint:

Maybe I'll do something radical. Who knows. Bye for now!

Blue Night Brooks

Tyson, Bradley, Jen and I went to Medieval Times last night in Buena Park! FIRST OFF:

We were on the blue knight's team and my God did he kick ass, HE WON! Jousting was incedible, horse dancing/whatever-mitt-romney-does-in-his-spare-time was amazing, and our night looked just like Brooks from The Bachelorette (by the way, I think Drew will win, Brooks will back out and she'll send Chris home). We got pictures with the nights and pictures of us with our crowns on waving our blue flags...the food was amazing! They don't use utensils there so we all ate with our hands, I'm 100% positive there's a video of all of us eating with our hands so search, I refuse to post it on here. Ha! However it did take a long time to get home because of a shooting on the freeway...yikes! Well, I'm recording some dance moves with Mark Wahlberg right now so I'll post later.

Bye!

Property of NBC

Marky-Mark is in the house! And he told me not to call him that so I won't. Sorry Marky-Mark Wahlberg.

ANYWAYS, after the tour of the Essenelle-Lawrence-Cooper-Ritter household we got started. First we just went over the lyrics because it's a rap so it's a little bit harder to memorize, my part's easy though. I just sing half the chorus and then I sing half of two of the verses (Top of the pole for those who know the song). Mark is so good! He sounds phenomenal. We didn't record today just because we wanted to get it down pat and I also added a few dances and what not...it's cute.

I do realize that some younger people may look up to me and I realize that this particular song talks about Flo Rida giving money to all these prostitutes that give him oral and he also gives them oral...BUT I am 23 years old (3 years older than twerking, salvia smoking, photographed nude Miley Cyrus) and I think singing this song is okay, it's got a good beat, sounds great, just has an interesting message. Mark and I don't care what you do but don't be a prostitute cause that's illegal.

Now that Mark and I have the lyrics down we're heading on to the dance-well tomorrow we are. Tonight we got take out Chinese! Yum.

Mothers Worry

JEN

Well, well, well, Ben is it?

BEN

Hi (waving hello), nice to meet you.

JEN

(jokingly) Save it! I hear you and (grabs CHRISTINA with one arm over her shoulder) Christina are going out tonight?

BEN

Yes Mrs. Lawrence, I'll have her back by midnight.

CHRISTINA

Jen...

JEN

What! I just met him, I wanna give him the questionnaire I give all the guys that come over.

BEN

What?

CHRISTINA

(to BEN) Not what she means. And Tyson lives with us! And you just like being annoying to Bradley.

BRADLEY

(from the couch) Say what now?

CHRISTINA

(taking BEN's hand, she tries to walk to the front door) Bye everyone!

JEN

(she jumps forward, in front of CHRISTINA and BEN) Where were you born?

BEN

Seattle.

JEN

How old are you?

BEN

30.

JEN

(surprised) 30?

BEN

30.

JEN

Got any siblings?

BEN

2.

JEN

What's your favorite sport?

BEN

Baseball.

JEN

How did you and Christina meet?

CHRISTINA

I've already told you this!

JEN

SHH! I wanna hear his version.

BEN

Well, technically we met backstage before I performed on SNL but we really started to-

JEN

That's enough. What was with those flowers the other day?

BEN

What I can't give a beautiful girl flowers?

CHRISTINA

Aw.

JEN

No. What'd you do?

BEN

(laughs) Nothing except be busy.

JEN

You too busy for my girl? I'll put the hurt on ya!

CHRISTINA

Aaaaand we're done, good night people.

BRADLEY AND JEN

NIGHT!

This is what happens when Tyson leaves for 2 weeks. All hell breaks loose.

Happy Day, Happy Day

I just heard the soundtrack for the movie. Oh my LORD it's amazing, got some Philip Glass, Hans Zimmer...it's beautiful. There's this one scene that's basically the climax of the movie and I've only seen it without music, but with music? It's haunting. I'm really excited for this movie, I think a lot of people are going to be moved by it. Maybe, I don't know. Hopefully.

Today was a momentous day! I took my driving test! (July 11th) Everyone from my house decided to come with me to cheer me on, we got to the DMV, gave them my insurance information and permit and I was on my way...I had a pretty ok driving instructor person. Her name was Rosie and she seemed nice...until she told me going 30 in a 25mph zone was a crime--EVEN IF the traffic is going 45. Ah well. I ended up getting 9 demerits! That's a lot! Then I got stuck in the parking lot cause this random lady parked in front of me and I couldn't go around her, Tyson tried to ask her to move but she didn't, eventually she pulled forward and I parked in a parking spot. Then she began grading me, and then after sitting in the car for a minute, discussing with Rosie what I got wrong she gave me my paper and said I passed. I stepped out of the car and saw Bradley, Jen, and Tyson having the most eager and hopeful faces. "Did you get it??" -Bradley. Pause. I threw my hands in the air and said yes! They all swarmed me and I leaped into Bradley's arms while the others jumped up and down screaming in the air.

Blerg!

I never watched the earlier seasons of 30 Rock because I worked at NBC since 2009 and well, you can't watch your own TV shows. I watched an episode here and there but recently I've been catching up with 30 Rock, I even watched the episode I was in! But what I didn't realize was that Tina made a character after me...and I called her to confirm, Danny is me! It's so weird. The line that really got me thinking was the conversation between Jack and Danny in season 4 episode 10:

JACK

It's her isn't it?

DANNY

I don't kiss and tell, Jack.

JACK

That's because you're a gentleman, Danny. It's good to finally have another one of us around here. 

DANNY

I'm just happy to be here. A month ago I was doing a robot act on the streets, so I know my place. I wanna be TGS's Steve Nash, come down from Canada, work hard, make the black guy look good. 

JACK

Did you just make a sports reference? Do you know how little of that I get here?

LIZ

Look at me in the black light! It's tron! Watch out Stark, it's me Flynn! ...light bike. Good job tonight Danny, robot Lorenzo Lamas was funny, as was robot Ryan Seacrest and David Hasslebot.

DANNY

Hey, it's the writing!

LIZ

It's really not.

Marky Mark

is gettin' together with Christina Essenelle to do a cover of FloRida's Right Round (feat. Ke$ha). I am PUMPED. I was at a party (memorial day? not sure) and I remember asking Mark Wahlberg if he really was Marky Mark and he basically looked at me like an idiot and said "Yes I really was Marky Mark" and then I said that he should come back and do some new music and he said "Ehh, I don't know about that one Essenelle". BUT I called him yesterday and he said he'd hop on over to my house and film it with me on my computer. :D

More news to come...

Oh and flowers from Ben are nice (:

Macklemore

I go to the gym three times a week at this nice gym by my house and you'll never believe who I saw there! Well, I guess you can cause I meet a lot of people all the time and the title of this post is Macklemore so...yeah I met Macklemore. Some background first: since I was the worst and decided to disappear from this blog for a bit because of extreme business I didn't tell you how I originally and embarrassingly met Macklemore (Ben Haggerty for those of you -including myself- didn't know Macklemore's real name)

FRED

(NASIM and CHRISTINA are walking around the SNL stage, CHRISTINA is eating a sandwich and has a several scripts in her other hand,  FRED comes up to the two girls and has MACKLEMORE next to him) Christina, Nasim! Have you met Macklemore yet?

NASIM

(extending her hand) Oh not yet, hi I'm Nasim. 

MACKLEMORE

(shakes her hand and smiles) Nice to meet you. (he then turns to CHRISTINA expecting her to do the same but she had masses of food in her mouth and hands are full, she smiles with her mouth closed. He nods his head awkwardly)

FRED

Nice one Christina.

MARGARET

Christina, we need you to try on your dead costume. (CHRISTINA nods her head to MARGARET and makes a sorry-I-have-to-go face at MACKLEMORE)

SO YEAH, I basically made a fool of myself. But then I saw him yesterday!

MACKLEMORE

(CHRISTINA is doing the plank and is red faced out of total exhaustion, she falls to the mat under her and lies on her back, heaving, eyes closed. She opens her eyes and sees the head of MACKLEMORE bent over her) I don't think I'm ever going to see you looking normal.

CHRISTINA

(laughs and sits up) Oh my God, get out of here.

MACKLEMORE

(laughs, he gives CHRISTINA a hand to get her up on her feet) So what're you doing out here in California?

CHRISTINA

I live here now! Well for the summer that is.

MACKLEMORE

Oh that's cool!

CHRISTINA

I know you're gonna hate that I'm asking this but what's-

MACKLEMORE

My real name?

CHRISTINA

(sadly) Yes.

MACKLEMORE

Ben.

CHRISTINA

(shakes his hand) Hi Ben nice to meet you.

BEN

See now this is how it was suppose to happen.

CHRISTINA

(laughs) Yeah that was a little awkward. 

BEN

Oh, I saw your video by the way.

CHRISTINA

What video? I mean, which video?

BEN

The one with you and Bradley Cooper.

CHRISTINA

Oh man...you know the story behind it right?

BEN

No...

CHRISTINA

Well Bradley and I were playing a drinking game that's like drink or consequences so...

BEN

That was the consequence?

CHRISTINA

Haha yeah.

BEN

Nice, oh but what I was saying was that it was really good! You have a nice voice. 

CHRISTINA

What! Oh my gosh, thank you. That's so nice.

BEN

Yeah, have you ever thought of doing an album or something?

CHRISTINA

Nah I don't think so.

BEN

Oh how come?

CHRISTINA

I dunno it's kinda like selling out to me, when an actress does a music career...like, you know how Justin Timberlake does acting, singing, and dancing? I could never do that.

BEN

Nobody can be Justin Timberlake. 

CHRISTINA

Ha ha, never. 

BEN

So no solo album huh?

CHRISTINA

Nah, probably not.

BEN

Would you want to be featured in a song?

CHRISTINA

Only if you're singing!

BEN

Yeah.

CHRISTINA

Wait, what?

BEN

Would you want to be featured in a song with me?

CHRISTINA

Are you being serious or just really nice, I can't tell.

BEN

Ha ha, both! 
CHRISTINA
Uh...yeah! Of course!
BEN
Alright cooL, I expect this on your blog.
CHRISTINA
Oh of course, we should hang out.
BEN
Yeah, what're you doing tomorrow night (i.e. tonight) ?
CHRISTINA
Hanging out with Macklemore.
BEN
Oh shoot, maybe another night?
CHRISTINA
I'm gonna be really busy from hanging out with Macklemore...let me just give you my number. That'd be easiest for me to later turn you down.
BEN
(smiling) Cool.

Should be fun. (:

Super Dog is Here to Play

Introducing other people to music is probably one of my favorite things to do, especially when it's ridiculous songs like the booty song or the America song...or SUPER DOG. Love it. Robert and I had a really nice dance at my birthday party...I was just remembering that now.

Work has become absolute nonsense recently. All we do is watch youtube videos, make jokes, and be idiots. And every now and then a sketch is written...ha. Since Bradley, Tyson, and Jen were busy for the main duration of the 4th of July I watched National Treasure 1 and 2 all day. Then later I went to Venice beach with Jen, Zach, and Trevor. Super fun time, it was kind of scary on the Venice boardwalk cause of all the cops, drunk people, people with handheld fireworks, and high people. Had a great time though, ended up going to Trevor's place and played a few games.

Happy 4th ya'll.

Mail Call

Fan Mail Questions!

1. What’s your definition of a true friend?
Somebody who doesn't shit-talk you in other interviews.  

2. What kind of qualities does a guy have to have to ask you out on a date?
Funny-I love a guy that can make me laugh. Obviously attractive, but everyone wants someone who they can stand to look at.
3. Do you think you are a good co-worker?
I think I'm pretty easy to work with, I make the work environment a little bit more relaxed, some people say I can be a little distracting so I'm not 100% sure. 

4. So, after you graduate Columbia what are your plans for the future?
Movies, TV, and Print! Whatever comes my way really. 

 
5. After 2 months in Los Angeles, are you a New Yorker or a California girl these days?                   Definitely a NYC girl, it's in my blood. MY VEINS GIRL.


6. Do you miss the Boosh?           

More and more every day. I mainly miss hanging out with Noel, Julian, and Rich. Those three were mental.


7. During the run of the Boosh, did you ever fantasize about going on crazy adventures?

It's funny, during that time I actually wrote a few sketches for SNL that had to do with crazy animals that sung songs and played pranks on other people that broke the rules of physics and fashion...and then I realized that that kind of writing would work nowhere else except for the Boosh. It's it's own hairy beast.


8. What sort of things happened in these sketches?

I only fully finished two and one involved a crazy polar bear that had a machine gun and tank tracks as feet  

and it tried to save an entire eco-system of fish...like I said it would've been terrible for live TV, american 

TV, NBC or anything really. It was a terrible sketch.


9. What are some of the spots from your Maui trip that really stuck with you?

The ocean, believe it or not! Every time I was in the water, by the water, or on the water I was definitely the happiest.

10. You don’t have any other movies fixed up right now, do you?

No comment. 

11. Do you want to do serious drama?

TV wise? Probably not, I think I'll stick to TV comedy. Movies wise I definitely want to put my hand into it, 

but if I do a drama movie and it flops maybe I shouldn't do drama...


12. Is there anything that people don’t know about you that might surprise them?

I really just don't like mexican food. It's just not good for me, it's probably because I can't handle spicy food.


13. What's going on with you and Bradley Cooper?

A world wind friendship at a very needed time.

14. I saw you at the movies with Matt Damon, did you enjoy the movie?

Yes! I saw Monsters University and -oh my lord- it was so funny and perfect. They did a great job with the 

movie and there are no continuity problems (that I saw at least), very cool movie.

15. Have you ever felt offended while working with the Whitest Kids U' Know?

I know that they can be offensive towards women but when you work in comedy that's always going to 

happen. I think Tina Fey's book has some crazy hilarious points on that -and no I'm not just pimping up my 

friend's book because 1) It already made like a shit ton of money and 2) I'm too cool for that 3) that last one 

was BS-

Day 8 {Maui}

Our last day in Maui...:( so sad! All of us got together for breakfast and after fighting with the waitresses and waiters about giving us a giant table we sat down and ate...and although the power had gone out and the food that wasn't from the buffet took an abnormal amount of time it was still great food with a beautiful view. Then afterwards we all went back to our rooms to go pack, I got my henna redone, and then headed down to the lobby and drove off with Bradley, Jen, Bobby, Carrie, Nasim, and Chris. While Bradley and I were jetskiing on Day 6 we talked about having a big SNL get-together at my house since almost everyone (except for Jason, Olivia, Fred, and Kristen) had an overnight lay-over in L.A. So we were thinking we'd do this big fancy dinner party and it'd be so much fun...but then our flight got cancelled. Which really sucked because there was only a certain amount of available seats left on the next flight so we all got split up again. Bradley, Jen, Bobby, Nasim, Jimmy, Carrie, and I all got first-class seats on a later flight (only by 45 minutes though), Seth, Tina, Chris, and Amy all got on a way later flight (about 4 hours later) so they landed in LA at like 2AM. We landed at 11PM but everyone was so tired that we all just went to bed after the tour and everyone on the later flight just chilled at the airport since their next flight was at 5AM. No party :/

While we were on the plane, once the movie was done they started playing some NBC shows, The Office, The Mindy Project, and then they played a clip from SNL when Kristen hosted...my god I was so embarrassed. Nasim was in the sketch they showed and Bradley kept nudging me while I sang stupid songs as a real housewife. Such an awkward, yet surreal moment.

But now I'm back home in LA and I'm ready to go back to work with the WKUK and to start hanging out with people normally. Night everyone!

Day 7 {Maui}

Our last full day in Maui! Poor us. Anyways, today was AWESOME! All of us woke up at 7AM, got breakfast, and drove in separate cars (obviously) and went north to this hotel and we all went jet skiing!! I've never been jet skiing before so this was especially crazy for me. Between the 15 of us we decided to rent out 8 skiies and then after the first half hour we'd switch partners so that we rotated the person who had to ride alone. I first rode with Jen, I was in control, and then I rode with Bradley and he was in control- the single rider was Bobby and then Chris. It was so much fun, I caught some big air with Jen! When I was riding with Bradley it was a lot nicer because there wasn't as much water spraying in my face. Bradley and I decided that once we get home we're going to have a fancy dinner party, more news on that tomorrow.

After jet skiing we all got in the pool/got lunch/slept in the cabana (<--me) and then at 5PM we headed outside to go to this grand luau! What an amazing experience, they had places where you could buy hand-carved tikis and custom designed jewelry, my favorite was the guy who was hand braiding these palm fronds to make fishes and flowers for people, for free! Bradley gave me a rose, what a gentleman. This is of course before he started getting upset over the prospect of everyone leaving tomorrow. He's been having such a fun time with the SNL crowd that he considers them all good friends, and it truly does suck to see them go. But that's life, I've definitely come to terms with that recently. I think he's also starting to realize that in August I will have to go back to NYC to do SNL and he can't live with me there.

The luau had a main event where there were hula girls dancing and (I wanna say hula guys but I know that's not the correct term...I'll just call them hula guys for now) hula guys stomping to the stories of how Hawaii/Maui came to be. All accompanied by some great music. There was one part in the beginning where they ask a representative from each table to learn the hula...we sent Seth, it was hilariously embarrassing. If you haven't seen the pictures all over the internet then you probably don't have the internet.

THE BUFFET WAS TO DIE FOR. First off, they start the "dinner ritual" off with the uncovering of a dead cooked pig that was buried in the dirt for quite some time, it's a little disturbing but the smells are fantastic. Then at the buffet you get to eat the pig...oh my was it delectable. During the show it started getting dark and everyone who -on the trip- was in a relationship was cuddling with their partner. Kristen and Fred, Jason and Olivia...I was kind of jealous. They all looked so happy, it was cute but I was definitely jealous. The best part of the dance ceremony had to be the end with the guy who does all the fire tricks (I feel like this person has a title but I can't remember it). Especially once the lights dimmer it was quite mesmerizing-and very romantic for those who had someone.

Afterwards some of us got drinks at the lobby bar, but Bradley, Jen, Bobby and I all went to bed-we were exhausted. As I am now. Night everyone.