JIMMY
My next guest just won her first Emmy and is a close personal friend of mine, so without further ado, for the first time ever Emmy award winning actress Christina Essenelle! (the doors open and confetti canyons shoot off and the stage is covered in falling bits of colored confetti, CHRISTINA is surprised and covers her mouth in awe. JIMMY gets up and kisses her cheek and she hugs him tightly back. They both sit down)
CHRISTINA
Oh my gosh! This is insane!
JIMMY
Have you done any other talk shows since the awards show?
CHRISTINA
No, you're my first!
JIMMY
Well then let me be the first person to congratulate you on your first big award! That's amazing! And you were up against some tough acts too.
CHRISTINA
I know! Jane Lynch, Sofia Vergara, Julie Bowen...and I watch those shows too they are fantastic!
JIMMY
Well it just goes to show, you are more talented than they are.
CHRISTINA
(laughs) Yeah okay. I was gonna mention you in my speech but then I just got so swept up in excitement that I winged it.
JIMMY
So I hear. We have a clip of your actual speech, here it is now. (they play the clip and once it finishes the audience cheers and the lights go back on) I got to say, I'm honored to have been your seat mate. Did you run into Guillermo on the red carpet?
CHRISTINA
(CHRISTINA laughs) I did actually. He didn't offer me a shot of tequila! I was surprised because I totally would've taken it too.
JIMMY
(laughing) Well why not have it now?
CHRISTINA
Oh God, now?
JIMMY
It's not like you haven't drank on TV before. Guillermo come over here!
CHRISTINA
(laughs while JIMMY takes out a bottle of tequila and three shot glasses) I'm gonna be on Girls Gone Wild by the end of this segment. (the audience cheers very loudly)
GUILLERMO
I'm very sorry for not offering you my tequila. I thought you were too young. (everyone laughs)
CHRISTINA
I just turned 23!
JIMMY
Hey, it's a good thing he think you're underage, now older guys may not hit on you as much. (the audience laughs as JIMMY's passes out the shot glasses) To your first big award, and for more to come!
CHRISTINA, GUILLERMO, JIMMY
CHEERS! (they all down the shot and GUILLERMO is unfazed while JIMMY and CHRISTINA make pained expressions)
CHRISTINA
Oh Christ.
JIMMY
What is this?
GUILLERMO
Strong. (everyone laughs)
CHRISTINA
I can only imagine what will happen if I win another award.
JIMMY
Two shots!
CHRISTINA
You say that now! But let's say I get an Oscar, a golden globe, a SAG award, a BAFTA, an MTV movie award, kids choice award, and people's choice award, will you really do 7 shots with me?
JIMMY
(raising his hand in the air) My hand to God.
CHRISTINA
(puts out her hand for a handshake) You got a deal buddy.
JIMMY
(he shakes it) That means you too, Guillermo.
GUILLERMO
(laughs) Fine by me!
JIMMY
So one thing that's circling around you right now is you and Bradley Cooper at the Emmys.
CHRISTINA
Oh yes, quite the scandal that I mentioned about 2 weeks prior to the Emmys. People were so angry about it!
JIMMY
What, cause the age difference or...?
CHRISTINA
I honestly think it's because it wasn't Jen Lawrence with him.
JIMMY
What!
CHRISTINA
Yeah! I was talking to one host lady and she asked Bradley, who was next to me, if it was weird being at an awards show without Jennifer Lawrence, laughing and having a great time. And I'm just standing there like....what the hell! Bradley can't laugh and have a great time with me?
JIMMY
Yeah how rude! A CBS reporter no doubt.
CHRISTINA
Ha ha, that'd be pretty funny but no I think it was for a magazine trying to stir up drama.
JIMMY
Well in that sense then yeah she pretty much did her job.
CHRISTINA
Whatever. I went with Bradley and that's that. Jennifer isn't even in California, she's out promoting the hunger games.
JIMMY
How dare she!
CHRISTINA
Oh no, go Jen, that movie is gonna be amazing but people kept asking Bradley where she was and I'm like "Hello! I'm here!" but you know, she did just win an Oscar.
JIMMY
I can see how people would compare the two of you, you're both funny girls who're with Bradley Cooper often.
CHRISTINA
Ha ha, yeah I suppose. But she's blond, I feel like that should make us different.
JIMMY
(laughs loudly with the audience) Just by hair color?
CHRISTINA
Totally different people. I don't act like a blond. I have waaaaayyy less fun.
JIMMY
I gotta say one thing about your Emmy speech that I forgot to bring up earlier that just made me laugh out loud.
CHRISTINA
What?
JIMMY
You slammed Miley Cyrus!
CHRISTINA
I didn't slam Miley Cyrus, I just said that I wouldn't disappoint all her fans and America like she did. (the audience oooo's) And I really don't care what people have to say about it, I mean for God sakes she's only 20 years old! She's not even legal to drink and she's out there grinding and licking phallic objects, and I didn't want the audience to think that I was anything like her. Even though my generation tends to be on the sexy side of things and the my-body-down-with-the-man attitude, but I'm not like that, I respect myself, respect who I represent, that being Saturday Night Live and NBC as a whole, and I really want to prove to people that a girl my age can do some amazing things without being some sort of sex doll. (the audience applauds and some even stand up to cheer)
JIMMY
You've sold them!
CHRISTINA
Well, I'm just speaking from the heart, and telling it like it is.
JIMMY
So how awkward is it going to be for the second episode of Saturday Night Live when Miley Cyrus is host and musical guest.
CHRISTINA
Oh extremely awkward, I plan on being out of town for that episode. (JIMMY and the audience laugh loudly)
JIMMY
EMMY WINNING ACTRESS CHRISTINA ESSENELLE EVERYBODY!
JIMMY
So one thing that's circling around you right now is you and Bradley Cooper at the Emmys.
CHRISTINA
Oh yes, quite the scandal that I mentioned about 2 weeks prior to the Emmys. People were so angry about it!
JIMMY
What, cause the age difference or...?
CHRISTINA
I honestly think it's because it wasn't Jen Lawrence with him.
JIMMY
What!
CHRISTINA
Yeah! I was talking to one host lady and she asked Bradley, who was next to me, if it was weird being at an awards show without Jennifer Lawrence, laughing and having a great time. And I'm just standing there like....what the hell! Bradley can't laugh and have a great time with me?
JIMMY
Yeah how rude! A CBS reporter no doubt.
CHRISTINA
Ha ha, that'd be pretty funny but no I think it was for a magazine trying to stir up drama.
JIMMY
Well in that sense then yeah she pretty much did her job.
CHRISTINA
Whatever. I went with Bradley and that's that. Jennifer isn't even in California, she's out promoting the hunger games.
JIMMY
How dare she!
CHRISTINA
Oh no, go Jen, that movie is gonna be amazing but people kept asking Bradley where she was and I'm like "Hello! I'm here!" but you know, she did just win an Oscar.
JIMMY
I can see how people would compare the two of you, you're both funny girls who're with Bradley Cooper often.
CHRISTINA
Ha ha, yeah I suppose. But she's blond, I feel like that should make us different.
JIMMY
(laughs loudly with the audience) Just by hair color?
CHRISTINA
Totally different people. I don't act like a blond. I have waaaaayyy less fun.
JIMMY
I gotta say one thing about your Emmy speech that I forgot to bring up earlier that just made me laugh out loud.
CHRISTINA
What?
JIMMY
You slammed Miley Cyrus!
CHRISTINA
I didn't slam Miley Cyrus, I just said that I wouldn't disappoint all her fans and America like she did. (the audience oooo's) And I really don't care what people have to say about it, I mean for God sakes she's only 20 years old! She's not even legal to drink and she's out there grinding and licking phallic objects, and I didn't want the audience to think that I was anything like her. Even though my generation tends to be on the sexy side of things and the my-body-down-with-the-man attitude, but I'm not like that, I respect myself, respect who I represent, that being Saturday Night Live and NBC as a whole, and I really want to prove to people that a girl my age can do some amazing things without being some sort of sex doll. (the audience applauds and some even stand up to cheer)
JIMMY
You've sold them!
CHRISTINA
Well, I'm just speaking from the heart, and telling it like it is.
JIMMY
So how awkward is it going to be for the second episode of Saturday Night Live when Miley Cyrus is host and musical guest.
CHRISTINA
Oh extremely awkward, I plan on being out of town for that episode. (JIMMY and the audience laugh loudly)
JIMMY
EMMY WINNING ACTRESS CHRISTINA ESSENELLE EVERYBODY!
