Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Winter Tour {Day 4]

Albert, Justyna, Beardo, and Amir were roaming town today so Nikolai, Illy, Jules, Alex, Kesha, Jeff, Jake, and I went dog-sledding! Super cold and snowy but super fun! We split up into teams of two (couples and Jeff and Jake haha) and spooned on a sled while an instructor was behind us mushing the dogs. THE DOGS WERE SO CUTE! Let's see, we had Bourbon, Sweetie, Husky, Kit, Diesel...uh...Tsunami, and then some more that I can't remember; every single one of those dogs were perfect lil' cuties. We got to feed the dogs and mush along with the instructor for a little while. It was a lot of fun! I highly recommend.

Nikolai and Illy decided to have a private sexy dinner alone so I thought it was The Voidz, Albert and I (Albert being my saving grace) but then Albert and Justyna also decided to have a private little dinner so it was now just The Voidz and I (but Kesha being my saving grace) and then GUESS WHO HAD HER OWN LITTLE INTERVIEW?? Kesha left me with the boys. So the boys and I went out to get sushi at 6:30pm and guess who got drunk?? Beardo. Thank God he's not performing tonight, he slapped the waitress on the butt as we left the restaurant. It literally took me grabbing onto Jules arm to have me not murder him on the spot. Oy vey.

Albert and the hotel lion

Jules at the dimly lit restaurant

Night kids.

Oh P.S. Jules and I were drinking together at the bar downstairs and Nikolai joined us and a half hour later I went upstairs and recommended that Julian stay downstairs and hang out with Nikolai and he took that as christina-is-super-angry-what-did-i-do and as I took a loop around the hotel to listen to a baller song he beat me to the room and freaked out.

A very deep committed relationship folks. Hella scary.

Love that guy though.

Monday, December 29, 2014

Winter Tour {Day 3}

Early morning start for 2 Girls 6 Voidz. We left the resort at 8:45am for an eagle tour on a raft. BY THE WAY, IT IS FREEZING HERE. AND CRAZY WINDY. I was wearing two pairs of socks, rain boots, ski pants, long sleeve shirt, massive jacket, hat, and thick as hell gloves and I was still cold! But hey, I'm not gonna complain about cuddling with Jules :)

As we were driving an hour to this river we were to pick up two couples that made last minute reservations, can you guess who? Albert and Justyna and Nikolai and Illy! So we divided up our group into Strokes and Voidz (Jules and I with the Strokes) and floated down this frosty river. It was Albert and Justyna in the front (Justyna, also known as the girl who asks 10,000 questions as Albert attempts to hush her) Nikolai and Illy in the middle and Jules and I in the back. It was a lot of fun, we were on the water for about an hour and it was super sunny out. Lots of eagles! The water was particularly low so at times we'd get stuck on these rock bars and one we got stuck so bad we all had to jump up and down to try and unstuck us, it was pretty funny. The Voidz boat was taking pictures of us haha.

After the river tour we got back to the cabin we started in and ate some homemade chili and brownies and tea...super nice. Plus there were blankets there so Kesha and I were happy. I'm sure the boys were cold too but they were too manly to say anything about it ahah. After we were so tired that we all fell asleep on the bus back to the resort. Honestly, I'm really happy that Nikolai and Albert are here. It's like the gang is getting back together and it makes me really nostalgic for our European vacation/tour, that tour rocked. All I need is Nick and Fab here...why aren't they here...I'm still baffled that Albert got married and I had no idea. I mean, Nick had a house party not too long ago and Justyna wasn't there nor was mentioned! And apparently they dated for like 5 seconds and then got married wearing regular clothes like...what the heck. She asked me in the car how long Jules and I had been together, all together, and I, after much calculation, said 2 years 10 months and she gawked at me so confused as to why we would be together for so long and not get married. Well, sweetheart, not everyone get's married right off the bat, I am 24, cool it.

Anywho...Jules and I had a chocolate strawberry making class after our animal tour and it was adorable and I FORGOT MY CAMERA! ME! I was so pissed, Jules and I were in chefs jackets and aprons and everything it was DAMN cute.

our chocolate bears and reindeer

We took a break after that to 1) have the Voidz go do an interview about their cancelled tour and 2) couples to have sexy times [minus me >:O] and 3) have me take a nap while I silently and bitterly wish Jules were with me. Although having a huge bed to myself is definitely a new feeling. Jules and I used to share a twin bed when we were first dating! Upgraded to a queen shortly after our first month together. Anywho, I got a big bed to myself, I watched Harry Potter 4.

Dinner was with everyone at this massive steak house and we celebrated all of us being together. Here are some pics! Good night!

Nikolai and Illy at dinner

Jules, Albert, Justyna, Devonte Hynes, Warren Fu from Albert's instagram

gross up close Albert at lunch

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Winter Tour {Day 2}

Albert and his beast.

S&M Pooh and Bondage Albert

Whip Boy Nikolai

A long day in Whistler Canada today, but a wonderful one. It started at 8am for Beardo, Alex, Jake, and Amir but for Jules, Kesha, Jeff and I it started at 10am; a lovely sleep in. The Voidz boys went skiing and the four of us were supposed to go snowshoeing but it got pushed up from 12:45 to 2:30 so we had to cancel. So instead we went swimming and Jeff went shopping for some souvenirs. I like Jeff! I met him when Jules was touring for Phrazes and he's just a really nice guy. A little shy but once you get to know him he's quite funny. Kesha is actually really nice, and her real name is Kesha! I thought it was Allison or Ashley! Whoops. Oh well. She's what I would like to refer to as the college roommate I wish I had. She's down to party but also down to stay in and bitch about the shitty concierge guy.Yeah I hope you're reading this concierge guy, we're looking at you ALLEN.

After swimming we took a break and got to shower and "nap" in our respective private rooms. Kesha and Alex are in the room right next to myself and Jules. Beardo and Amir are sharing a room (not a bed) across the hall, and Jake and Jeff are right next to them. We all went to this fire and ice show in the city center at 6pm and it was phenomenal! There were fire dancers and these skiing/snowboarding daredevils that went down a hill and into a ring of fire (that took a hilariously long time to light) and then fireworks that WE MISSED BECAUSE BEARDO AND AMIR WERE TOO HUNGRY TO STAY AND WATCH. I was so pissed, but sad pissed to make my point more prevalent. I just frowned and pouted at everyone who would look and then Jules gave me a million kisses on my cheek and promised we'd watch YouTube videos of fireworks when we got home. Btw, the hotel/resort is gorgeous. Christmas trees everywhere, pool inside that goes outside, fancy food and gluten free food for Kesha. It's really nice! Everywhere outside looks like a postcard, and the snow is THICK.

While we were watching the pro-athletes I hear Jules go "What! Hey m-" and then a pair of hands wrap around my eyes. I try and logic my way out, "Wha-okay, someone Jules knows well enough to say hello on his own...but someone who knows me well enough to put their hands over my face...Fred?" he says "No...." and then I recognize the voice immediately, it's Nikolai! From the Strokes! I love Nikolai and with him is his wife Illy and Albert with HIS WIFE JUSTYNA. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT. They got married while Jules and I were broken up and didn't have a big wedding! Apparently the wedding was so small it was like a get-away marriage. Justyna seems nice! I don't know her at all so can't really know for sure but Albert is definitely crazy about her so...good for them!

By the way, I've been getting quite a few emails about when the Human Sadness video and I Like The Night song will come out, and I'll tell you this, the could be released now but they will be better if they wait. Jules and the Voidz are tinkering with a few details and once it's perfect they will release. I promise you, it is in the works and I HEAR YOU, just be patient. I haven't seen it either so I'm just as crazy anxious as you are.

After dinner at this fancy Italian restaurant The Strokes boys and girls wanted to still hang out and dick around town; so we went to the only shop that was still open. A sex shop. Pictures say all. Goodnight my loves :)

Winter Vacation {Day 1}

Kesha and Christina make up the ladies, Julian, Amir, Beardo, Alex, Jake and Jeff make up the boys, this is WINTER VACATION 2014:

Right now I'm still in New York because AMY ADAMS HOSTS TONIGHT! Go Amy! And Kristen and Fred are here! Should I have said that! Oh well! One Direction...I hate to say it...they're actually really cool. Wankers. NICE BLOODY WANKERS.

Car leaves right after the show, plane leaves 2 hours after that, we arrive a billion hours later. TOODLES!

Sweet babe in hallway as I'm about to go on.

~Post Show~

Show was amazing! Good job all around, I'm currently typing this from my phone in the van to the airport. We are all very tired and one Void is very angry that we waited till 1:30am to go because of me. Can you guess which? Night y'all.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

SNL Christmas Party 2014

I can't believe how long it's been, this is my 5th SNL Christmas Party and every year it's phenomenal. This year was no exception, I had all my Strokes there, a few Voidz (Jake, Jeff, and Alex), the All-American Rejects, 4/5 of the Whitest Kids (no Sam), all of my new Nolan film family (Liam Neeson, Ryan Gosling, Tom Hiddleston, Chloe Sevigny), all of my general Nolan family (Emma Stone, Andrew Garfield, Anne Hathaway, Robert Downey Jr., Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Gary Oldman, Chris Evans), all of my London family (Hugh Grant, [Tom], Colin Firth, James McAvoy, Keira Knightley), some of the Boosh family (Julian Barrett, Noel Fielding, Paul King, Rich Ayoade, Matt Berry) and then all the SNL and affiliates. It was HUGE, I swear it gets bigger every year.

Many pics!

Albert Hammond Jr. and Alix Brown

x, x, Alexa Chung, and Albert Hammond Jr.

Julian Casablancas and Fred Armisen

Kristen Wiig, Fab Moretti, and X

Kristen Wiig, Amanda DeCadanet, Nick V.

Taran and Colby Smulders

Kyle, Cecily, and Beck

Nikolai Fraiture

Chris Rock, David Spade, Eddie Murphy

Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Jenny Slate, Jason Sudeikis

x, Seth Rogan, Will Forte, x

Emma Stone, Andrew Garfield

Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers

Monday, December 1, 2014

#13 Dream Come True

Forgot to publish this...awkward.

Just finished Seattle and since they don't have a show till Monday, Julian and I are heading to NYC for some home-turf fun. So last night, heading out of the JC+SNL trailer we were mobbed by a wall of paparazzi, and I assumed it was for the Voidz show and their meet and greet after so I turned to Jules and said "This show is gonna be nuts" and ignored most of their shouting. Then one guy shoves a boom mic in my face and yelled "Do you have any response!?" and I, again, thought it was about the show so I just went "It's gonna be a great show!" and then kept on walking with Julian, but then I hear a bunch of 'Bradley's from their shouting and I start getting nervous. Just then I get a call from Lorne

LORNE

Christina! Lay low tonight.

CHRISTINA

I am literally in a mob of cameras. What the hell is going on?

LORNE

Don't say anything out loud that they could use as a soundbite.

CHRISTINA

Yeah, I'll be back in NYC tomorrow.

LORNE

Good. Bradley did an interview for his movie Serena and ripped you and Julian a new asshole.

CHRISTINA

No.

LORNE

Yeah, talk to me when you're either alone or in New York, I'm very busy.

CHRISTINA

Sounds hilarious! I'll read it tomorrow.

And I hung up the phone and Julian put his hat on my head and ushered me into the venue. This is so ridiculously sad, Bradley is ruining his career because he's upset that he's with someone else, I just, okay dude, go for it, I'm a demon, yup, sure, alright pal. Haha, so crazy. Anyways, we're back in New York now and are just chilling in our apartment, there was a moment when Julian wanted to go to the theater but I pulled him out of there right away. Although I did want to go see the theater, I knew it would be better if we stayed away. For the theaters sake, we're bad audience members.

Updates

ONLY 5 MORE SCENES LEFT OF THE MOVIE! It's kind of sad that my baby is heading out into post-production world...good luck kid. I'm in all of the scenes, Liam is in 3, Ryan in 3, and Chloe and Tom are finished! Super fun.

SNL only has 3 episodes left so make sure to watch! Also, I'm doing another project...but I can't talk about it. Which is awful, BUT I'll try and say other things like, I've hung out with Marky Mark Walhberg and Chris Pine recently! But other than that...all hushed up.

Lazy days are ahead of us folks. Jules and I spent the entirety of Saturday watching Doctor Who, Game of Thrones, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine (3 shows we are desperately behind on). A little bit of video games, and a lot of tea and left overs. Party Party.

Now there are only 2 scenes left of the movie...the climax (which is really like 10 scenes but we filmed 3 of them already) and Ryan is in one, I'm in both, and Liam is in both...dun Dun DUNNN!! I had a lot of fun filming last night with Ryan. We work well together and he's a phenomenal actor. On set for Nightwing I rarely got yelled at to fix something because others were being yelled at, but now that it's just me and Ryan I do get more notes than he does. Bitch.

Friday, November 28, 2014

Cameron Diaz, Thanksgiving, Movies, and Pics

Thanksgiving was in New York with me, Jules, his step dad and brother, and mother. It was a lot of fun! We watched The Internship and ate turkey and candied yams.

Cameron Diaz hosted and it sucked! Oh well.

Today (Black Friday) Fab, Albert, Jules and I saw Horrible Bosses 2 and got Chinese food for dinner.

Pics!

Friday, November 21, 2014

Day 5 {Woody Harrelson}

What up folks! This week has been a lot of fun working with Woody and the writers Jules is still up in very cold areas (Canada today and tomorrow, was Chicago before that) and will be home Sunday and will stay in NYC till Thursday and then leave just for a day, and then be back for 2 weeks. Not too bad! I finally got my schedule so it goes like this:

Week of 17-22nd CHRISTINA IN NYC, JULIAN ON TOUR, WOODY HARRELSON HOSTS
Week of 24-29th CHRISTINA IN NYC, JULIAN IN NYC (ONE DAY ON TOUR), CAMERON DIAZ HOSTS
Week of 1-6th CHRISTINA IN NYC, JULIAN IN NYC, NO SNL
Week of 8-13th CHRISTINA IN NYC, JULIAN ON TOUR, JAMES FRANCO HOSTS
Week of 15-20th CHRISTINA IN NYC, JULIAN IN NYC (ONE DAY ON TOUR), MARTIN FREEMAN HOSTS
Week of 22-27th CHRISTINA IN NYC, JULIAN IN NYC, AMY ADAMS HOSTS
December 28th-January 17th CHRISTINA ON TOUR, JULIAN ON TOUR
December 30th-January 7th: AUSTRALIA
January 10th: SINGAPORE
January 12th: HONG KONG, CHINA
January 14th-17th: JAPAN

Party central. Speaking of which...

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Day 2 {Woody Harrelson}

A Drink of the White House Cold Open : Jay, Taran, Sasheer
Dudley's: Kate, Beck, Kenan
Match'd: Christina, Beck, Kyle, Taran
New Marijuana Policy (Filmed): Taran, Pete, Aidy, Bobby, Leslie, Vanessa, Kenan, Beck
Football Halftime Speech: Taran, Jay, Beck, Pete, Kenan
Weekend Update: Leslie, Taran
Old New York: Bobby, Taran, Kenan
Campfire Song: Vanessa, Bobby, Kyle, Leslie
Last Call with Woody Harrelson: Christina, Kenan

Scenes for this week!

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Vancouver and Buzzfeed

Thank God Jules and I have a little RV to ourselves. I couldn't share a van with that child rapist Beardo.

CHRISTINA

(sitting at a table backstage she sees JULIAN head toward her covered in sweat with a smile on his face) How did the show go!

JULIAN

(shrugs) I dunno know (they hug, he kisses her quickly on the side of her head)

CHRISTINA

So what's the plan, you going out, after party? What's happening.

JULIAN

(watches BEARDO, ALEX, and AMIR pass by them and head toward the exit where a crowd is most likely to be) Well we gotta be in Vancouver tomorrow and that's like a 6 hour bus ride...so no after party.

CHRISTINA

~15 minutes of talking later~

BOUNCER

(CHRISTINA and JULIAN are talking and CHRISTINA overhears to young girl talking to the bouncer) Who's name are you under?

DEFINITELY UNDERAGE GIRLS

Beardo.

CHRISTINA

STOP! (JULIAN hadn't been listening so he was confused, she turns to JULIAN) Stay here. (she gets up and heads over to the BOUNCER and DEFINITELY UNDERAGE GIRLS) Who're you here to see?

DEFINITELY UNDERAGE GIRLS

(they recognize her instantly) Oh my god, Christina Essenelle!

CHRISTINA

(smiling she gives them a finger gun) What up! Anyways, who're you here to see?

DEFINITELY UNDERAGE GIRLS

Well, Beardo put us on a list to go back stage...

CHRISTINA

Do you wanna see Beardo backstage?

DEFINITELY UNDERAGE GIRLS

Well, we were kinda hoping we would see Julian back here...

CHRISTINA

Yeah, that's what I thought. (to BOUNCER) They're on my list now.

BOUNCER

Smart move. (the DEFINITELY UNDERAGE GIRLS look to each other excitedly and the BOUNCER lets them pass)

CHRISTINA

Yeah, Beardo has been letting a lot of young girls back stage and frankly, its just creepy.

DEFINITELY UNDERAGE GIRLS

Yeah he's definitely very...flirty. Haha.

CHRISTINA

Haha, you think? Hey Jules! (JULIAN turns around and the two DEFINITELY UNDERAGE GIRLS get even more excited and JULIAN smiles) I found them trying to get back stage on Beardo's list.

JULIAN

Oh man, how're you doing?

And after like 20 minutes of just talking they got a picture with us, our autographs, and we left a voicemail on one of their friend's phones. They were really happy that I found them and the main reason I did it is because I've, as I said previously, received a bunch of emails from girls who've been taken advantage of and wanted to make sure Julian knew and I'm much easier to get a hold of than Julian. SO, I'm looking out for you girls, and you girls look out for other girls! Make sure no girl feels pushed into something she doesn't actually want to do. Love y'all.

Anywho, Vancouver! So after that whole thing last night Julian and I got into the private RV and slept as the driver drove up to Canada. It is a little chilly, not too bad, around 45 ish degrees. Believe it or not it was actually colder in Portland! But that might have just been because it was raining. Jules and I checked out the place early this morning (9:30am) and its nice! Then we got some breakfast and watched the new episode of New Girl and drank tea/coffee. It's hard to put what exactly we did because it's not anything interesting, you know, it's not like "Then we went to Sea World and then we went to Disney Land!" it's more, and then we laid on a bed and talked while making jokes and bitching about things. That's love I guess. Speaking of love, I LOVE Buzzfeed's article on us,