Day 5 {Jeffrey Donovan}

Jules and I had date night tonight because we realized that we hadn't gone out on a one-on-one date in ages so tonight was our cute little night to be together. I love Jules, he's the best.

By the Way

The picture of Cillian walking was from today, sorry I didn't explain that one but we had to go to Westchester to go film Spartan Cheerleaders because we maxed out our hours on a certain stage. So of course I dragged Cillian along with me. WOO.

Friends in Need

Last night at around 10PM Julian and I were about to go to sleep when Balki started barking his ass off at the door. Now this was very startling for two reasons 1)IT WAS SO QUIET IN THE ROOM BEFORE HE STARTED BARKING. and 2) Balki is a weird dog who only barks at people he doesn't know and there was no knock at the door meaning that someone was just standing by the door of my room. Which was very startling. Then I started asking Jules whether he locked the door....etc. then there was a knock at the door saying  "Hey I know it's late...but can I come in? I've got nowhere else to go". So Jules and I terrified open the door and it's Cillian Murphy.

He's going to be rooming with me for the next few days.

Day 4 {Jeffrey Donovan}

I just finished Barrel Fever (the gift Jay got me for Christmas) and it was AMAZING. I love any books by Augusten Burroughs, he's phenomenal. Apparently Running with Scissors was a lie, but I don't believe it. Jeff and I were hanging out with Jeff's costar Gabrielle Anwar in NYC and we got some pictures. I love them they're so funny, and silly. Jeff is really into his show (Burn Notice) and so we watched some of it in my room online. T'WAS FUN! We filmed Update and Spartan Cheerleaders. Oh my lord Spartan Cheerleaders is definitely one of my new favorite scenes to be in of all time. It's myself and Jeff chanting cheers that are just ridiculous, and the best part is that we had to choreograph all these ridiculous dance routines, it was hilarious. The show on Saturday is going to be amazing.

Day 3 {Jeffrey Donovan}

We filmed Lord and Lady Douchebag and Hot Day. Hot Day was filmed at 10AM so I unfortunately didn't get to watch the scene. Although from reading the script it was HILARIOUS! I don't want to give it away though because it's a big surprise. I'm not a giant fan of Lord and Lady Douchebag because it relies heavily on culture references instead of just humor everyone can understand, and it's also secretly pun-y. So, yeah...look how sexy Jorma and Will are...I think I've already posted this but they are sex GODS.

UV Radiation

Why are there no beaches in New York City or around it? My gosh I miss California so much just from those beaches! Julian brought me to his studio today because him Albert and Nikolai were working on music (Strokes are making new music people!). After the raging success and come back from their Angles album they're once again making new music. I'm very excited, picture of the day is of Jules at the piano at work. Speaking of the raging success from Angles, one of their songs was "analyzed". They couldn't have been wronger.

Taken For a Fool
Commented and Translated by Marcus Fieldmay


Sister, visit us yesterday, 
Sister, don't you forget my number, on this door. [Julian and Christina considering themselves brother and sister that is how close they are]
You've got something and it's so good to see,  
Something wonderful that I could not be. [successful, he's looking down upon himself]
Everybody hanging on for their lives, 
But you can't help them 'cos you don't have the time.  [you're so busy, I miss you]

I know, everyone goes any damn place they like. [guys always come to NBC to see you]
I hope this goes over well, on the toxic radio. Yeah. [the media shits on you everyday]

You get taken all the time for a fool. 
I don't know why. 
You're so gullible but I don't mind. [everyone thinks you're an idiot and you believe it. i don't mind the gullibility because i still get sex]
That's not the problem. 
And I don't need anyone with me right now. [i don't need you] 
Monday, Tuesday is my weekend. 
You get taken for a fool all the time. 
I don't know why. [everyone thinks you're an idiot but i only want to see you two days a week]

You're good but no one's putting it on me
I can't let you do those things when it means,  
It's so early I don't want to wake up. [i don't want to wake up to the bullshit you give me]
I wish I left you 'cos we never grew up. [i want to leave, you're like a child]
Mama, it feels like just yesterday. 
Mama, don't you forget my number?
I don't want to be the one at the door. 

I know, everyone goes any damn place they choose. 
And I hope everyone well on the toxic radio. 
Jewish, in the ghetto, not afraid of anything. 
Except that, on anything else, that could maybe hurt the most. Yeah. [reference to her getting attacked, man was allegedly jewish]

You get taken all the time for a fool. 
I don't know why. 
You're so gullible but I don't mind. 
That's not the problem. 
And I don't need anyone with me right now. 
Monday, Tuesday is my weekend. 
You get taken all the time for a fool. 
I don't know why. 
You get taken all the time for a fool. 
I don't know why. 
I don't know why. [you may say Casablancas and Essenelle are in love, but are they really?]


My only response to that is


NICK VALENSI WROTE THE SONG NOT JULIAN CASABLANCAS!!!!!

Oxford Dictionary

Just wanted an O post today. So how is everyone? Good? That's good, want to hear some incredible news? Tyson's staying in NYC for a while!! That's awesome! I think I'm going to throw a party Friday night invite all my good friends from around the world. Oh and another thing, The Strokes tour schedule is all effed up now. I believe they're attempting to put together another European tour (which Ryan asked me this morning to attend [I feel like such a groupie]) because here's what's going on concert wise:

May 1st (next week!): Maryland, Sweetlife Festival
May 7th (that same week!): Louisiana, New Orleans Jazz Festival
May 31st: New York, Ellen DeGeneres Show
June 4th: California, KROQ Weenie Roast Festival
June 5th: California, Live 105 BFD 2011
June 12th: Tennessee, Bonnaroo
June 29th: Norway, Hove Festival
July 1st: Sweden, Peace & Love
July 2nd: Denmark, Roskilde
July 3rd: Poland, Heineken Opener Festival
July 8th: Ireland, Oxyegen Festival
July 9th: Scotland, T in the Park Festival
July 12th: Italy, Flipaut Festival
July 15th: Spain, Benicassim Festival
July 16th: Portugal, Super Bock, Super Rock
July 20th: France, Le Zenith
July 21st: Switzerland, Paleo Festival Neon
August 13-14th: Japan, Summer Sonic
August 27th: United Kingdom, Reading Festival
August 28th: United Kingdon, Leeds Festival
September 3rd: Wisconsin, Pearl Jam 20th Anniversary
October 14th: Mexico, Banamex Theatre
October 15th: Mexico, Corona Capital Festival
November 4th: Argentina, Personal Festival
November 5th: Brazil, Planeta Terra Festival

Thank God there's no SNL during the summer.

Day 2 {Jeffrey Donovan}

Today we filmed two of my scenes; this morning we filmed Mr. Short-Term Memory (basically my life, I have the worst memory) and then at 3PM we filmed Scott Jergenson (by the way yesterday they filmed the Digital Short and Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood [hilarious!]). Everything I filmed this morning went perfectly, very very funny scene this morning and then at 3PM...things just went to hell. There's a point in the scene where Jeff hits me across the face, but he's suppose to not hit me and the soundtrack is suppose to make the hitting sound, well that went fine for the first few takes but then Jeff by accident actually slapped me across the face and everyone just went crazy. Lorne ran over to my aid, as did Jeff, Andy, and Jason, and of course Abby was laughing her ass off on set while Keenan was still in costume & make-up. I really don't understand what her problem is. Honestly. While my assistant was getting me an ice pack (my new awesome assistant...well, newish) Lorne and I had this conversation

LORNE

There he's gonna go get you an ice pack, now lemme see it. (removing CHRISTINA's hand he looks at her red cheek) Damn, he really did a number on you. 

JEFF

(popping out of nowhere) Again, I'm really sorry-!

LORNE

Will you just get out of here? You've done enough. (CHRISTINA gives a pained look on her face and JEFF leaves sadly) Oh good here comes your ice pack, (he takes the ice) Thanks. 

CHRISTINA

(taking the ice pack she places it on her skin gingerly and cringes at the cold) Thanks, I'll be fine I just want to get this filming done. (she notices ABBY laughing and looks down sadly, LORNE noticing this asks ABBY to come over)

LORNE

Hey Abby come over here.

ABBY

Yeah what is it?

LORNE

Can you go get Kristen for me? She's in the other room. 

ABBY

Oh yeah of course. (she comes back minutes later with KRISTEN)

KRISTEN

You wanted to see me?

LORNE

Yeah you're going to be taking Abby's place in this scene.

KRISTEN

Oh sweet.

ABBY

What! Why?

LORNE

Cause you can't learn to keep your mouth shut, one of your colleagues gets hurt and your first instinct is to laugh? What the hell is wrong with you? (ABBY awestruck turns and walks away but then stops, turning around)

ABBY

The only reason why you give a damn about her is cause you want to fuck her!

KRISTEN

Oh go cry your sob story to someone else, the only reason why you're here is because your family is affiliated with this show. 

JASON

Yeah go fuck yourself Abby, you blew the fucking casting director to get on this show you slut.

ABBY

FUCK YOU JASON! FUCK ALL OF YOU I OPT OUT THIS WEEK. GOOD LUCK REPLACING ME FAGGOTS. (she stomps off) 

LORNE

Well. She'll be fired.

CHRISTINA

Thanks guys, you didn't have to do that.

KRISTEN

Oh we didn't do it for you, that bitch had it coming.

JASON

Yeah she can be a real cunt at times. 

CHRISTINA

(laughing) You guys are the best.

And we finished filming early that day! Boy was Vanessa happy that Abby opted out this week, because Abby had 4 scenes we had to recast, so Vanessa's scene total of 1 rose to 3 and Kristen's total of 4 went up to 5, only 1 behind me. I'm glad Kristen backed me up because we've kind of been on the rocks lately. I talked to Jeff after the filming and we're fine, it was an accident anyways. So yeah

Day 1 {Jeffrey Donovan}

I'm so very pleased with the amount of scenes I'm in this week. I'm also so pleased with the scenes this week in general! They're hilarious! Here are the scenes for this week

Scott Jergenson (Keenan, Christina, Abby, Jeffrey, Andy, Jason)
Lord and Lady Douchebag (Kristen, Bill, Jay, Vanessa, Taran, Bobby, Paul, Fred, Nasim, Andy, Christina, Jeffrey, Keenan, Abby)
Hot Day (Andy, Jason, Bill, Bobby, Jeffrey, Fred, Keenan, Abby, Nasim)
Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood (Jeffrey, Jay)
Mr. Short-Term Memory (Christina, Jeffrey, Bobby, Taran)
Digital Short: Make-Shift Baby (Jason, Bill, Nasim, Kristen, Andy)
Update (Abby, Seth, Nasim, Paul)
Spartan Cheerleaders (Jeffrey, Christina, Andy)
Monologue (Christina, Kristen, Jeffrey)
Japan Cold Open (Fred, Kristen, Christina, Bill)

10 scenes again!! Although there are no commercials which isn't that great, wanna know why?! Because commercials are filmed which means I'm going to be doing some crazy fast costume changes! I believe on Saturday it should go

Japan Cold Open 

Monologue

~Commercial~

Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood

Lord and Lady Douchebag 

~Commercial~

Hot Day 

~Commercial~

Update

~Commercial~

Scott Jergenson

Digital Short: Make-Shift Baby

~Commercial~ 

Mr. Short-Term Memory

~Commercial~

Spartan Cheerleaders 

End Clap

So....I'm gonna die basically. 

He Sang This For Me Today

Screw you OK! magazine. 

Love Jules

My Little Girl

A trick that people use to make you think they are smart
Is confidence when actually they’re lost in the dark
Only someone with the mind of a child says he’ll grow up
The seven and the avalanche you’re life will show up
It’s nice to be loved it can never happen too late
I wanna share my food but you have stolen my plate
Hey now, hey now go your way now

You tortured little girl
Showing them what love is all about
Where did all the time go?
Everywhere it’s gone, gone, gone

You get the point now
You pick yourself up off the bars
He’s on his arm now
Cause they remind you off the pictures on the wall now
But I was young and you wasn’t even born yet
If you think I know a little more bit
You have this person on the streets you aren’t correct
Because I make no random shit, not hear to preach men
You know I just wanna have fun, go to the beach, man
That’s all I am, I’m just a simple guy who talks when
You put a microphone in front of him

You twisted little girl
Showing them what life is all about
Where did all the time go?
Everywhere it’s gone

Running left in a relationship
Going in circles and I just can’t wait
Running left so we can get in shape
Get in shape because we can’t escape

Running left because I’m already late
Really not, I’m in the exact same place
Running laps in your relationship
Running away from the subtleties of 

The world’s always amazed at how much cash you made
But not at how you made it, it’s just strange
It sounded kind of cool over the phone
It killed your neighbors and their dog and crushed their bones

You tortured little girl
Showing them what laughter’s all about
Where did all the wine go?
Every night it’s gone

You got it all worked out
Funny little girl
Showing them what pain is all about
Where did all the time go?
Every night it’s gone, gone, gone

You’re the coolest girl in this whole town
I just wanna parade you around

Easter!

It's Easter! Another first of mine, receiving chocolate and going on an Easter egg hunt...stupendous. Julian's getting better, he still has a runny nose and coughs himself to sleep but with the power of antibiotics, anything is possible. Also, as I've definitely stated before, today is Tyson's birthday! He's turning 27 today...woooooo. Which reminds me, I have an interview to post on here! Oh People why you so intrusive.

Essenelle (SNL) at a Glance

It's Saturday Night Live's busiest time of the year and Christina Essenelle is nowhere to be found! Supposedly working on a school musicale, Essenelle is said to be skipping rehearsal early to go home to her loving boyfriend of 9 months; Julian Casablancas. If you're skipping rehearsal, then why skip out on SNL? After the showed aired it's ratings dropped...significantly. But how did the audience know not to watch? Via Essenelle's blog of course. However her insider scoop seems to have become more of a chore than a hobby, leaving her viewers with few sentences on all the juicy details on her love life and the imminent war of the fems on SNL. With Kristen Wiig in less than 3 scenes a week and Essenelle at 5, it's become a battle of who-likes-who more for the two leading females in this comedy show. But wait, aren't there other girls in the cast? Other girls like Essenelle's best friend Nasim Pedrad, or Essenelle's enemy Abby Elliott? And the new kid in town Vanessa Bayer, what about her? Is it right to give stars like Essenelle 5 scenes compared to Elliott's 1? You can write back to our editors by May 11th and we'll post your answers in next week's People. As for a closing note to Miss Essenelle, we're dying to know, are you really just friends with Tyson Ritter?

oh and my new favorite one from a few days ago (and by favorite I mean, wtf)

To all the ladies reading this who would you rather be with; a 32 year old man who is awkwarder than a Jew in a church or a 27 year old man whose got swagger that could swoon any woman? The 27 year old, right? Well not for Christina Essenelle, the debate in her mind was between Julian Casablancas and Tyson Ritter and she is certainly wishing she chose Ritter. Just based off of looks, Tyson is younger looking, has soul-seeking eyes, and has protruding cheek bones that could stun anyone looking. Whereas Julian's only distinguishing attributes are having messy hair and heavy eye lids. Which begs the question, why are you still with him?! If I could have anyone in the world I'd have the best, and that's exactly what she can have, she can have anyone, literally! Anyone! Even I liked her with Andy Samberg more than I like her with Casablancas. Besides, Christina Ritter sounds nicer than Christina Casablancas. If you're reading this Essenelle, weigh the options dear. You don't get these kind of options forever.

By the way People Magazine, I wrote more than a few sentences, oh and by the way OK! Julian makes me happy, that's why I'm with him. 

Helen Mirren hosts SNL

Such an amazing night everyone if you didn't see you please watch it went we broadcast it on hulu. Unfortunately Helen has to leave but she asked to write a note to all my viewers so this one's for you!

Hello, it's come to my attention that most of the people who watch SNL also read this blog so I figured I'd leave part of my thank you in here. You've all be so wonderful on my journey through acting and I have so many people to thank. I feel like I'm winning an Oscar! Saturday Night Live is such an incredible show and I've been blessed to walk these stages at NBC. A big thank you to the cast and production team, and another big thank you to Christina for being such a good sport. Thanks.


-Helen Mirren

Day 5 {Helen Mirren}

Last day of filming unfortunately. I got my 10AM done surprisingly quickly, I think they knew I had to go take care of Jules for he is still sick as a dog. I had to take him to the doctor today (picture of the day) and they said he's got a bad case of the flu and that the passing out was just a side symptom which triggered the flu. Treatment? Medicine and bed rest. Oy. Can I just say how remarkably amazing Helen Mirren is as a person and actress? She's phenomenal. Truly, whenever I'm filming with her I learn so much just from watching her act. And the way she responds to the cinematographer and director? It's like reading a book on how to do everything right, that's Helen Mirren. I know I sound really sucky-uppy but I really admire Helen Mirren. Abby Elliott on the other hand, can leave me the hell alone. She's trying to "steal" Julian. Good luck bitch.

The Sneak!

That sneaky Tyson, always finding a way to surprise me. He showed up at my school and at lunch played "One Last Sad Song" and the entire student body was crowded around him and Nick, Chris, and Mike. Also another sneaky thing I noticed....Tyson looks freakishly like Cillian Murphy. Has anyone else noticed that? For the occasion I'm just smashing up all my Cillian and Tyson pics on here today, you're welcome. First one is some artsy stuff Cillian and I were doing just cause he's so freakin' beautiful (yeah I said it), second one is of him in the hallway waiting to go on so I whipped out my camera and yelled at him, that's his initial face, super sexy macho man, third one is of Tyson (from today) and he's in the car with Chris in the background on the way back to NBC, and fourth and fifth ones were taken on skype! That's all folks, toodles!

Day 4 {Helen Mirren}

Helen Mirren has amazing boobs, and Julian is as sick as a dog! Poor boy, he passed out last night and then barfed twice and slept in all day today with a 101 fever and still has it now. Jason and I took him to the infirmary but she just said bed rest and medicine. Exactly what I had been doing, whatever. I just hope he gets better soon. Speaking of things getting better TYSON IS COMING ON SUNDAY FOR HIS BIRTHDAY. Super stoked. I skype him all the time, but I still miss him tons.

Skype pics!

Day 3 {Helen Mirren}

No filming for anyone today! And for a good reason, Bobby, Andy, Jay, Keenan, Jorma, and Jason would've all been out due to 4/20 (Hitler's birthday of course) and I couldn't get any filming done anyways so....yeah. Julian and I were in another tabloid. It's entirely false, we don't talk in the future we talk in the present. Marriage is so far away I can't even think about it. So I won't. Silly magazine people, getting things confused.

Day 2 {Helen Mirren}

I'm dying with these scenes, yesterday Digital Short, today Strip Club (aw yeah), tomorrow Celebrity Taxes, and Friday Underground Festival: Easter. Yesterday they also filmed Mary Shelley and The Roosevelts. Where Abby kisses Helen Mirren! SWEET NIBLETS. Oh Miley you're so not missed here.

When Julian's mom left on Sunday we had this big heart to heart and marriage got shoved into the discussion. It was weird. But I still love my Jules.

Day 1 {Helen Mirren}

I got a whif of the digital short this week and definitely opted to be in the show this week, even though it is now Hell Week for the show. I'm only allowed to be in maximum 4 scenes this week and that is the exact amount I am in! It's because I can't do anything after 3PM so all my times are at 10AM and I can't do it on Wednesday so...4 scenes!

Back to California!

We left for California this morning for the Coachella, amazing time. Julian got raped by all the girls, (no surprise) and I officially hate California beaches. I was dunked and almost died. THANK NIKO

Pics!

Josh Meyers

I was hanging out down at Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and I got to witness the weirdest thing ever. A shake weight competition between Jimmy Fallon and Josh Meyers, Jimmy's time? minute thirty, Josh's time? 6 MINUTES EXACTLY. That man's a beast.

Elton John hosts SNL

I didn't even stay to see the episode. I'm sorry.

Day 4 {Elton John}

Howdy folks! I am so exponentially pissed you have no idea! The one week I take a freakin' break, Tom Hanks and Jake Gyllenhaal come to town and ask to be in a skit or two! AND I CAN'T BE IN THEM. So frustrating you have no idea, although I kind of feel bad for Elton John because it's his time to shine as host and he's getting overshadowed by Tom Hanks and Jake Gyllenhaal. According to Seth, Tom's in 3 scenes. No offense but that's ridiculous.

I was walking around one of the sets and as they were pushing one of them by me it ran over my foot. Two broken toes! Today's just getting worse....HOWEVER, last night was very cool! We got to go to Lingings and have some Tai Food for Albert's birthday last week, finally I get to hang out with all the Strokes, I've missed them so much since france. Fab knew about Drew, did I already tell you that? Well yeah, he's not mad, just appalled. Is that worse? Who knows. Oh! Julian's sweet sweet mother Jeanette is coming to NYC tomorrow until Sunday at 11AM and she'll be staying in Julian's room while he stays in mine. I'm very excited. I've started slumping into this habit with celebrities. They tend to find me on the streets of NYC walking home or what not and just take me places. Jake (Gyllenhaal) picked me up to today (by the call of Julian <3) and we went out to dinner. One of the weirdest, yet most satisfying experiences of my life. He's funny! I like him, but I'd never cheat.

Day 2 {Elton John}

I don't even know what's going on anymore. I've opted out of being in the show this week because I've got so much work to catch up on and I've got to work on the school's musicale and I've got the competitive improv...so no show for me this week, sorry folks.

France

There's really no way I can explain just how amazing of a time I had. Every second I was with Jules, Taran's birthday was crazy, there were fireworks, happy belated birthday to Albert. The whole trip was just incredible. Here are some pics from the trip, first is of Abby and Vanessa, second is of Abby and I rooming together and the shit we do together, third is of Andy at the airport, fourth is of Bobby and these two french chicks, fifth is of Jason preparing for the cold in Sarlat, sixth is of Kristen and this one fan from Nice, seventh is of Jules at this one cafe in Amboise, eighth is of Jules in front of Notre Dame, ninth is of Jules at the airport, tenth is of Jules with someone he knew that was famous but I can't for the life of me remember his name. My favorite town was definitely St. Malo, it's so quaint and perfect some day I'd love to live there. In case you already heard from Jimmy Fallon's show yes Julian and I did get into a small riff while we were driving to Paris. I was just upset that I was completely left out from the group for those past 2 days and everyone wanted to hang out with Vanessa and Heather Campbell (writer). Then on that one day to Paris I tried to sit on the back of the bus but everyone told me to leave and go back to the front, so I was slightly dissapointed in Julian for not arguing with them over a BUS SEAT and letting me sit with MY friends. So I sat in the front next to Paul and fell angrily asleep. However I did wake up to Julian sitting on the floor next to my seat, sleeping on my thigh so overall all was forgiven, even though there was nothing to forgive really. And can I just say one thing, why Steve, why did you make Jimmy say that on Late Night? It just seemed unnecessary and it wasn't even a joke....In case you didn't watch he said

-------"Recently I just went to France with the whole SNL crew and some other tag-alongs and I witnessed one of the most shocking things of my life. Terrorists bombing cafes? No, France banning burqas? No. Julian Casablancas and Christina Essenelle got into a fight. What has this world come to...?"---------

Oy. So, what'd I miss?