There are few times in my life where I have been so conflicted, so confused, so angry, and so happy all at the same time. This adventure I'm about to take is one of them. Some of you may be confused to the time delay on this post but I'm publishing this post-adventure, writing it peri-adventure, so...yeah. On Wednesday September 3rd (2014 for future me) I met up with Julian Casablancas in a cafe and we talked for a long time. During that conversation I found out that despite our break-up Jules had still been writing songs as a tool of communication to me, Instant Crush being one of those songs. Written from my perspective, singing to Jules. Shocked I went to class and moved on, but out of some weird corner of my brain I thought "Is that why the entire song is in this falsetto? Because that's how I used to sing when I was with him?" so I was curious to see how the song sounded when I sang it and did what I always do when I want to test a song, annoy Leon (SNL band keyboardist) and rock out on the main SNL stage. Well, forgetting that I had granted Julian access to the upper floors as a guest of Christina Essenelle's he watched the performance (which I didn't even notice till 2 minutes into the song). I kept singing for another 45 seconds and then laid down the mic during the guitar solo covered my face. He grabbed the mic and grabbed another and we finished out the song together (cheesiest thing I've ever done I swear) and at the very end we just looked at each other, now both of us on stage in front of one another and I couldn't bare to look at him so I just put my head down and Leon played this ridiculous smooth jazz intro. "You guys need to lighten up!" we laughed and he hurried off.
CHRISTINA
(solemnly) I'm with someone.
JULIAN
I wouldn't be here if you were happy.
CHRISTINA
I never said-
JULIAN
No one who is happy in there relationship has another over the summer.
CHRISTINA
...who told you?
JULIAN
6 degrees of separation.
CHRISTINA
(perking up) Can I guess?
JULIAN
(laughing) It's actually 8 degrees of separation but go for it.
~Much calculation later...~
CHRISTINA
Fab told you from Kristen (Wiig), from Chris (O'Dowd), from James (Franco), from Seth (Rogan), from Joe (Gordon-Levitt), from very unsurprisingly Tom Hardy.
JULIAN
Yeah.
CHRISTINA
I don't even care to be honest...(silence)...
JULIAN
Christina.
CHRISTINA
(lightbulb, she backs away and talks slowly and excitedly) I'm gonna take a plane and meet you tomorrow at the place. If you know where that is then I'll see you tomorrow, and...I'll see you tomorrow!
JULIAN
How do you know where to go?
CHRISTINA
Rumi! (she rushes off)
And I ran off.
I ran away to France where my adventure begins, Jules and I found this field in France and I always said if we ever lost each other we'd meet up in this field and this was my wacky ridiculous test to see if he remembered, if he loved me. So I chartered a jet, and by 5pm that day I was heading over to France. Now I know what you're thinking, WHAT ABOUT BRADLEY!?!? So I called him on the plane and told him I was taking a trip. He immediately asked if this had anything to do with Julian and I had to be honest with him, I told him it had 100% to do with Julian and he got very (understandably) angry and thought that I was trying to guilt him into telling the truth about something (which I wasn't) and he told me he had been cheating on me for the last few months with model/ex-lover-now-current-lover Suki Waterhouse. I can't say I'm surprised that he'd choose her but I'm still surprised that he'd choose someone younger than me (but then again Julian is also younger than Bradley, ha-ha). So, the words "I'm breaking up with you" were never said but we hung up upset and ready to move on to the ones we actually wanted to be with.
The flight was around 8 hours and I landed in Paris at 7am and got to the "spot" at around 9am after buying a chair and table just in case I'd be waiting there a long time. After a half hour of waiting I felt kind of stupid about the whole thing. I brought nothing with me to Paris, didn't pack a single bag, and I basically broke up with Bradley so if Julian didn't show up I would be waiting in this field and then eventually go home to nothing. But just when my thoughts started to go South I hear a chain from a pocket watch rustle and my head bolts up and hopping over this tall wired fence is Julian motherflippin' Casablancas. My knight in shining leather. As he's walking over to me he's smiling and says "You bought a table and chairs?!" laughing a little and I laugh and say "I didn't know how long I would be here!" and at that point I run all the way over to him and jump into his arms and kissed him. For the first time in over a year we kissed there, and it felt magical. It was like everything had led up to this moment, every song, every tear, everything was just building to this point and I couldn't have been happier. We didn't know what we were doing or where it would go but we did it anyway and it was impulsive and stupid but I love that guy. He's my guy. And after being with other people after him I realize now more than ever that Jules will always be the guy I come back to, I'm just grateful that he felt the same way.
The flight was around 8 hours and I landed in Paris at 7am and got to the "spot" at around 9am after buying a chair and table just in case I'd be waiting there a long time. After a half hour of waiting I felt kind of stupid about the whole thing. I brought nothing with me to Paris, didn't pack a single bag, and I basically broke up with Bradley so if Julian didn't show up I would be waiting in this field and then eventually go home to nothing. But just when my thoughts started to go South I hear a chain from a pocket watch rustle and my head bolts up and hopping over this tall wired fence is Julian motherflippin' Casablancas. My knight in shining leather. As he's walking over to me he's smiling and says "You bought a table and chairs?!" laughing a little and I laugh and say "I didn't know how long I would be here!" and at that point I run all the way over to him and jump into his arms and kissed him. For the first time in over a year we kissed there, and it felt magical. It was like everything had led up to this moment, every song, every tear, everything was just building to this point and I couldn't have been happier. We didn't know what we were doing or where it would go but we did it anyway and it was impulsive and stupid but I love that guy. He's my guy. And after being with other people after him I realize now more than ever that Jules will always be the guy I come back to, I'm just grateful that he felt the same way.
We went to the Omaha D-Day beaches and sat in the sand for a long time watching the ocean, just enjoying each other's company. We agreed that we'd spend this time together unquestioningly and impulsively, no figuring out plans till I had to go home for SNL and he had to go home to go on tour. There really weren't too many tourists there so it was kind of like a private beach for us.
After we got a room in a hotel and a few hours later got some lunch in a nearby town called Bayeux, never been there before but we ate good sandwiches! We went to this place called Cafe Francais SOLELY because of its big sign out front "Snack and Drink-Fast and Tasty" in English too! Ha ha ha, nothing says we can deal with Americans fucking up french like "Snack and Drink-Fast and Tasty". After walking around that town for a bit (gorgeous cathedral by the way)
Since we were crazy jet lagged we went back to the hotel to rest up and clean ourselves up because that night we went to a fancy restaurant and after went this crazy on-a-whim place called Festival du cirque which was pretty much a bizarre circus/acrobat show where creepy people dressed up and tried to drag you on stage. One costumed person tried to get Jules up on stage but he pointed to the poor guy sitting next to him and the costumed guy winked and said in french "You silly man!". Definitely a night to remember.
Day 2: Woke up nice and late around 10am and we grabbed a quick snack and headed out to Mont Saint-Michel! The car ride was only an hour and a half long so we were only starving for a little while until we got to the beautiful mountain/castle thing of Mont Saint-Michel. We immediately got some sit-down food (it was around 1:30pm around the time when we finally got food) and after walked around this tiny picturesque town.
Since we didn't bring any suitcases with us or anything we've just been trying to find clothes to buy and Jules found these crazy hipster shoes and I found this long maxi skirt and I bought a kid's shirt and cut it in half, boom, crop top. Here's a pic with his new shoes, same jeans and shirt though (he bought that over shirt thing today though). .
We also bought a backpack, tote bag, and then a big duffle bag to put stuff in. While at Mont Saint-Michel we hopped into the church and noticed the gorgeous acoustics and then saw a couple of people singing together. It was 6 men and 1 woman singing latin choral songs and I wanted to sing with them so I applauded their performance and asked them in French if they had heard of the song O Vos Omnes, by Gesualdo (a favorite of mine). Only 5 of them did but I knew Julian did so I had my bass, the girl knew it (my alto), and 2 of the guys knew it (my tenor 1 and 2) and I'd sing soprano (just for fun). We started singing and stumbled a bit so we tried from the beginning after a few bars and then got it down and it was impeccable. We got a little crowd going too! I even got them to sing Koyaanisquatsi while I played the organ. We all had such a good time together that they offered for Julian and I to come to their house that night to party with them, and hey, when in France...the plan was to meet them at the base of Mont Saint-Michel at 9pm and they would drive us to their place (Marc, Patrique, Michel, Adrien, Come, Natalie, Mathias). When Julian got outside it was dark and there really weren't too many clouds in the sky, wasn't windy, but it was incredibly muggy and there was constant lightning. Like, nonstop flashing in the sky. I was scared, to be honest, but Jules said it would be ok so we kept on walking and right when we were about 10 minutes away (halfway there) the wind started to pick up and the waves started to get crazy and we really started to get worried. That's when it started pouring, torrential down pours it was INSANE! We ran laughing and screaming to the closest place to get out of the rain and by that point we were already soaked. I put my hair up and called Marc to see if he could give us a ride and he said he could but at the meeting spot, so I called Adrien and he ran over to the meeting spot with him and Jules, again, still getting soaking wet. It was fun despite looking like a hot mess, haha. Once everyone got to the meeting spot we went over to Michel's to drink, then we went to Come's place to drink and play games, and finally it was Jules, Michel, Come, Natalie, and myself were at some french club partying till 3am. What a party, Jules and I walked Come, Natalie, and Patrique home because they were incredibly drunk and around 3:30am we walked into the hotel and went to bed. Great night.
Day 3: After our excursion in Mont Saint-Michel we packed our stuff up in the morning, got in the car at 11am and took an hour long drive over to St. Malo! We got there around 12pm and got a hotel, put our things down, and walked into this walled in city and got lunch. From the last time I was in France, St. Malo was one of my favorite places because of the beach. It wasn't like a California sandy beach but instead it was like a mile of wet sand with different little trinkets along the way. Little rock islands, sealife, it was also just cool to walk in.
While goofing around in St. Malo we found all kinds of crap, we saw starfish and seaweed that we made into a penis...true love. Haha, we got some new clothes in St. Malo, I got a striped tank top and shorts and a book about french law suits. Jules got this chain necklace and a black sweater with different moons on it, haha, it's pretty cool. By the way, rest in peace Joan Rivers. Found out a day later about her death, very sad for those that admired her. After walking around St. Malo for a few hours we headed back to the hotel and played some games and relaxed. Despite being apart so long it wasn't awkward at all spending so much time together. When you have the same type of humor as someone its easy to get along. That night we went to a nice restaurant for a sit-down dinner in our crappy just bought flea market clothes, we definitely got some eye-rolls but we also got some bread rolls so we were content. After we took a little nighttime stroll around the town, got a drink at the bar and started talking to this group of graduate students studying philosophy for a while and we ended up celebrating one of their birthdays with them. Around 11:30pm we walked back to the hotel but while we were walking I had a weird realization
CHRISTINA
I can't even imagine being in New York right now.
JULIAN
Really?
CHRISTINA
Yeah, I mean, it's like being here we're not even famous. People just talk to us like they want to get to know us as humans and not as celebrities.
JULIAN
I've noticed that.
CHRISTINA
It's like a fresh start and we have no idea to point fingers or take pictures with...it's weird, but nice.
I mean when we go back to NYC to our respective jobs/duties I can't even imagine the amount of flack I'm going to get, he'll probably get a slap on the wrist but I'm going to be portrayed at the harlot of the flippin' century. I called Lorne that night to see if things in New York had blown up in my face yet. Not yet! I'm sure it'll only be a matter of time. I've told no one as of yet about where I am or who I'm with except for Lorne and Bradley. But I can't imagine Bradley would go and tell people, I'm sure he's in London with Suki finally not ashamed that he's most likely in love with her. Time will tell, the paparazzi in London are much more adamant than the paparazzi in small Northern France towns, so I'm sure him being with Suki will come out first, as if he's cheating on me, then people will start to try and ask me if I heard about Bradley and Suki and notice that I'm gone, and then I'm sure people will start to connect the dots that Jules and I were hanging out right before the whole thing happened so...yeah, isn't the media fun? And yet here I am hypocritically giving out every detail of what's going on. The only plus is that it's what is actually going on, and not the fabricated media BS. Whenever I don't post on here it's like free reign for magazines to make up whatever they want. So I'm back baby! And I'm coming for you.
Day 4: Morning universe. Jules and I head to Amboise today, would have been a 3 and a half hour road trip but we stopped for lunch in a little town called Le Mans along the way. The drive was only an hour and a half so to make the time go faster we listened to Louis CK stand up and it reminded me of how much awkward fun it was to lick his face. Weird thought. But we did make it to Le Mans and it was even smaller than I thought at first, we got lunch and sat outside for a pit, I had some delicious garlic-y potatoes and Jules had sauteed vegetables. Healthy-ish lunch, haha. It was a very beautiful day so lunch outside was the perfect choice. After that we got back on the road to Amboise, stopped for coffee along the way and kept on driving and listening to stand-up, and talking about what our old friends are up to, like Nasim, John Mulaney, and Nick Valensi. While chatting I snapped a pic of Jules in the passenger seat:
A couple of filters later and wah-la! A cutie with a vintage filter. Toward the end of the car ride I got a call from Lorne asking if I could pitch an NBC Halloween Special idea to a few executive producers and Steve Higgins (!) and while doing so he overheard Julian laughing next to me about the idea. Now at this point, boys and girls, Lorne thought I was vacationing in France either by myself or definitely NOT with Jules and once the pitch was over he asked me who I was with:
LORNE
Who are you in France with, Christina?
CHRISTINA
Julian.
LORNE
So that's why you called, you wanted to see if the world over here had ended yet.
CHRISTINA
(nervous laugh) Yeah.
LORNE
And Bradley?
CHRISTINA
Told me he was cheating on me with Suki Waterhouse, British model, younger than me...but I was already planning on leaving him for Julian so, it kind of worked out.
LORNE
Should I have him removed from the door list?
CHRISTINA
No, he's know about this since Wednesday and since he hasn't done anything yet...he still lives there.
LORNE
(laughs) I'll have security keep an eye on him.
CHRISTINA
Wait, you're not mad?
LORNE
Why would I be mad? I always liked Julian, I knew him before I knew you.
CHRISTINA
That's right...because of Andy!
LORNE
Plus I never really liked Bradley, even when he hosted before you-
CHRISTINA
Really?!
LORNE
He's just so aggressive. I've always thought you and Julian would get back together.
CHRISTINA
Well I'm glad I have your approval.
And with that, I knew everything at NBC would be okay. Even once the tabloids got a hold of this story. We got to the hotel, set up our 3 bags, and checked out the tiny walled in town of Amboise! We got some more clothes (I'm going to need a bigger closet once I get back to New York) and bought this ridiculous french card game where each card is a different dare and it's all really weird dares like eat sand and trip and wait until someone helps you. It's awesome and I bought 5 so others could share in my ridiculous gift. The hotel we're staying at is really cool, it's got this huge "backyard" with a little putting green as well as a bunch of other weird grassy games and a gorgeous view:
At night we saw a silent film about two brothers tricking women into sleeping with them in various humorous ways and then they get MURDERED via EXSANGUINATION. LIKE, EXCUSE ME FUNNY FRENCH FILM? YOU'RE GOING TO DRAIN THE TWO MAIN CHARACTERS OF THEIR MOTHERFUCKING BLOOD? OKAY, NO! Ugh, shoot them in the head, strap a grenade to their chest, but exsanguination? Fuck you, that shit is scary and fucking disturbing. Makes me twitch thinking about it. After that horrifying ending we headed back to the hotel and crashed.
Car Convos Part 1
JULIANHow do you say it?
CHRISTINA
Biere.
JULIAN
Beer?
CHRISTINA
Bee-yair.
Julian
Bayair.
CHRISTINA
BE
JULIAN
BE
CHRISTINA
Yair!
JULIAN
Air.
CHRISTINA
JULIAN!
Day 5: On the road again! We left the hotel at 9:40am for a 10am tour of the Chateau de Chenonceau. This castle was HUGE! Double helix staircase in the middle, a little movie room, a big gravel courtyard and lots of rooms/bedrooms of art. We were there for about an hour and then we headed off toward Sarlat, France. On the way to our lunch stop (Chateauroux, 1 hour and 20 minute car ride) we were driving and somehow this giant fucking bug got into our rental car. Of course I screamed as it ran toward me, it was this big silverfish looking bug and I've never seen anything like it in my life. It's disgusting. We got to Chateauroux and it's a pretty mellow town, the weather was definitely slightly colder than previous humid towns. Here Jules got a shitty watch and skinny jeans that were rolled up at the bottom. Hip as hell. I got a call from Seth Meyers today asking about what was going on. Apparently he was walking by right after I got off the phone with Bradley and Bradley asked Seth to help him pack up his things (Seth has boxes in his office) and Bradley (to Seth) seemed pretty upset. But according to Seth, he explained it to Bradley as: You know what Christina's done, but you don't know her. I don't know what she's done but I know her, Julian knows both. Seth didn't seem entirely pleased that I ran away to France with Jules but he also seemed happy I wasn't with Bradley any more. After the whole "Bradley beats Christina" debacle with Amy I guess a lot of people chose to believe that side of the story and discredited Bradley from the start. Either way, I'm definitely happy now with Jules. And this tuna fish sandwich.
After Julian coaxed me to get back into the car despite a crazy bug in there we drove for another 2 and a half hours to the Lascaux caves in Montignac France. I love driving with Jules, I've never heard so much music in my life, he's heard of every band ever and now I have as well. Rock on band brothers. The Lascaux caves were just as beautiful as they were the first time I saw them in 2011. For those who don't know, the Lascaux caves are famously known for the oldest cave paintings to have ever been found. And you get to go through them as well, they're gorgeous. Perfectly recreated for customers viewing, loved it. After our tour was over we sat outside in the wood on a log for a while. I got a call from Lorne saying that because of all the drama I've caused I owe him a heartfelt interview once I get back, a COUPLE interview. I'm fine with interviews, I love 99% of the hosts, but I would never want to do a couple interview with Julian because he 1) hates interviews and 2) is horrible at them! He never knows what to say so he usually says nothing or exactly the wrong thing. We settled on an interview with Ellen because she's hilarious and understands that this interview will be fun and light instead of the heavy Oprah interview he wanted or pointless Fallon interview he wanted ratings from. After the phone call with Lorne I laid on Jules lap and we stayed there for a bit. It was nice, we could hear all the bugs and birds. #nature
We headed out to dinner after Lascaux in Sarlat, one of my favorite french towns ever. Last time Jules and I were in Sarlat was during the SNL roadtrip and we found a sex shop and bought fuzzy handcuffs for fun. I love Sarlat! We ate dinner at this weird Vietnamese place and the chef came out and broke our bread in half and then proceeded to sit with us and ask us "a questions for the lovely couple!" He was really nice but all of his questions were really funny and poorly phrased (probably because of the language barrier). But one was "Why France, why here to honeymoon?" he just could not believe we weren't married. Haha, but we explained that we traveled here together before and that that was a good enough reason to go back together. Another one was "Why does no one sleep in New York? It's not healthy!" Oh frenchies. After dinner we went back to hotel because we were exhausted.
Day 6: It still blows my mind that 9 days ago I was in a relationship with Bradley Cooper living in New York and then Julian walks into my life and now we're together and in France...it's bizarre. And I love it. I love him. I mean how can you not love a dork like this one?
Today we spent the day in Sarlat and I had some classwork to do and Jules had a lot of band promo stuff to do so a lot of today was spent in a tiny little coffee shop with us working opposite of each other on our computers. The great thing about Columbia is that all of my lectures are filmed and put online so if I miss one I can just watch it online later! So today I watched 2 chemistry lectures and 1 abnormal psychology lecture. The chemistry is relatively easy although I don't quite understand significant figures (the zeros rule throws me off). And today Julian released another song off his new solo album (our September 23rd) with a video along with it! So, y'all welcome. From the time period of 1:30pm-4:15pm Jules and I were at the hotel room sleeping and what not. It was fantastic and sweaty, haha. No air conditioning, what can I say. We ate some (somewhat) fresh vegetables from a market, I say somewhat because Jules bought an apple that was rotten on the inside haha. He still ate most of it though.
We went to a pottery class that night at 7pm after a quick PB&J sandwich dinner. It was a weird class, 90% of the class was trust exercises and we didn't do any actual pottery till the last 20 minutes of the class, haha. It was fun though. I know trust the other 7 people in that class a lot more. Jules, myself and three other people from that class got ice cream afterwards and bitched about movies for an hour. Haha, I hope I see these people again, all the people Jules and I have met on this trip. Alonzo, Matty, and Patrice, if you're reading this we think you're cool as heck.
Day 7: Waking up to a sleeping Jules is probably the best way to wake up. His voice is 2 octaves lower than it already is and it's just adorable. At 11:15am we headed to Rocamadour (a tiny town located on the side of the massive mountain) and got there around 12:30pm. It was really rainy outside so we didn't trek up the mountain to get to the top till around 2:30pm. We did get lunch though and hang out at a little bookstore. When we decided to head outside to go up the mountain this girl named Marci recognized me and asked for my autograph. We talked for a little bit and she didn't recognize Julian but she recognized me from SNL and Late Night Interviews (back when Jimmy did Late Night). It was funny talking to her because Julian didn't understand a lot of what she was talking about so I had to translate for both of them. Finally, my french classes are paying off! It was very windy while we were trekking up the mountain so I was clutching to Jules as to not fall off the damn mountain. We got all the way up and hopped inside the church and caught the last bit of mass, now, neither Julian nor I are religious but this church is just so cool and we're in France so...we sat in on the mass. Since the rain was starting to get worse we headed back into the rental car and I drove us to Rodez where we enjoyed a nice chicken and pasta dinner. Oh oh! I found out today (FINALLY) who is hosting SNL! Chris Pratt will jump start SNL with musical guest Ariana Grande, and the episode after is hosted by Sarah Silverman with musical guest Maroon 5! I am beyond excited. Also officially Colin Jost, Vanessa Bayer, and Aidy Bryant are returning to SNL. Lorne gave them the official, yes. We can expect more people from last season to come back though, so do not fret blog reader! The first two episodes are on October 4th and 11th meaning that I am for sure most definitely in New York for September 28th-October 12th. Jules tour kicks off October 16th in Philadelphia so depending on SNL schedule I might going with him on tour. Jules gave me the green light I'm just waiting on NBC. PARTY! Here are some pics of Rocamadour
Car Convos Part 2
JULIAN
What the fuck is that?
CHRISTINA
(looks out in the distance) What the fuck IS that?!
JULIAN
Is it a dog or a possum?
CHRISTINA
Stop the car.
JULIAN
Ugh, I'm not gonna touch it.
CHRISTINA
Julian we can't just leave it there!
JULIAN
Sure we can, I'm driving.
CHRISTINA
Julian!
JULIAN
It's dead!
CHRISTINA
You don't know that!
JULIAN
(drives by it) Black wine bag.
CHRISTINA
What?
JULIAN
It was a black wine bag.
CHRISTINA
(mouth agape) Oh.
I'm pumped about Chris Pratt, I knew him through Bradley and I can't imagine him not being my friend because of the break-up. I guess we'll find out soon enough. I only know Sarah Silverman because of her break up with Jimmy Kimmel so it would be pretty hypocritical if I disliked her because of that and then expected Chris Pratt to still be my friend. After our dinner in Rodez I drove us FOR THREE HOURS to Arles, a little town with a big Colosseum. We didn't get to look around or anything because by that point it was almost 10pm and we just found a hotel and went to bed.
Day 8: Arles! Here are some pics:
Arles oh Arles you're filled with homeless people and cute dogs. Waterwalls (yes walls, not falls) and Italian cuisine. Quels delicieux. We went out to eat a croissant and drink tea at 11:30am and we sat outside against this stone wall in a tiny alleyway so I could watch my chemistry lecture and he could, well, eat and drink. Lecture didn't take too long but during it I got a phone call from Chris Nolan, testing me to see if I'd fly home to film. I of course said yes and passed the test I didn't realize I was taking. He just wanted to make sure I put the movie at a higher level of importance than my vacation with Jules, and I do, gladly it was a test! And I'm still in France with this dweeb:
What a cutie. We left Arles after a tour of the Colosseum and headed to Avignon for our next overnight location. We got to Avignon around 4pm and got some lunch (BLT and Salt and Vinegar chips) and gelato. This just in! Cecily is no longer an SNL Weekend Update anchor, now it's Daily Show Michael Che. Which is slightly surprising because I liked her on Update more than Colin Jost but it's not my decision. I don't know Michael very well but, welcome to SNL! It's a madhouse.
We spent most of the night walking around the town, went on a carousel, we had a great time. Had a nice night drinking at a local bar and talked to a group of girls for a while. It was just a really nice night! What can I say, anywhere with Jules is great. We could sit next to each other for hours in silence and I'd still say we had a great time. We got back to the hotel around 12:30am and watched some TV and went to bed.
Day 9: I had the best dream ever last night. Ah, I literally woke up with the biggest smile on my face, tossing and turning to how cute the dream was. It started out as me meeting Julian and Nick Valensi back stage at a Voidz concert and I was set to meet him and I was with this really drunk girl. I was talking a little bit to Jules but I let the drunk girl embarrass herself first and then drunkie tried to grope Jules and he was like get out of here. So I asked to take a picture with Jules and he was being really nice and cool towards me and let me. So, he put his arm around me and I took the selfie and he asked how it looked and it was blurry and weird and so we retook it and it looked a lot better. So then I was telling him "I know you get the 'your music changed my life' a lot but when I listened to Where No Eagles Fly it blew my mind" and he goes "Oh you like my music?" and I laughed and said nothing. And then there was a second of silence and I said "Beardo! I love Beardo from the Voidz, he's definitely my favorite" and both Jules and Nick laughed and Jules turns around to Nick and says "We should get this girl's number!" and then I direct my speech to Nick because Jules is doing something else and I say "Well, cause, I don't know all the Voidz, I know The Strokes, so when the Voidz came out I was like, 5 more idiots to love!? Yes!" Nick laughed and then Julian came over and bent over and said piggy-back ride? And I incredulously hopped on and pointed to Nick and mouthed "Take a picture!" as we ran out of the room we were in, we walked outside to a place that looked like Canary Wharf in London and we were just talking a lot. I even tried to sneak in a selfie, and he noticed how terrible to picture came out so we took another that was a lot better. Dream Christina sucks as selfies. And then I told him I should get off so I don't hurt him and once I got off our conversation continued on the phone and I was asking him what he was doing in LA after the show and he's like "You mean Santa Ana?" "Same thing" "We have to leave early in the morning so we're just heading home and going to bed" "Oh, a party?! Me too!" "Haha, no we have to-" and then I walked by this asian clan outside a mini airport "Oh wow there's a whole harujku possee outside the mini airport by the, what are the called? oh yeah the airport" Yes folks, 2 airports next to each other in this dream. And then I got inside and went down the elevator that was basically a glass rectangle floating in the air, and I got on the escalator and Jules was at the bottom and he was on the phone when he saw me and goes "Oh hey, I uh-" and then laughs. I go down on another escalator and meet up with him to walk back to somewhere. While we're walking Jules bumps into this guy that he bumped into earlier and is extremely apologetic and the guy is nice about it but Jules is joking around and goes "Put us in the position you want!" which in my dream mind is very similar to an improv game they play on Whose Line where 2 audience volunteers move 2 improvisers. So I go "Oh it's like a game I play" and Jules goes "I've been to your shows" "Really?" "Yeah I'm much quieter at the finale" and then I remember within the dream that I saw him at the end of an improv show once and gave him a high five "Oh I think I gave you a high five!" and then we both laughed and I woke up. HOW CUTE IS THAT DREAM?!?!
Around 12pm we decided to actually get out of bed, haha. We watched some Skin Wars episodes and Project Runway (well I forced him to watch Project Runway) and then out of nowhere Jules goes "I'll be right back" and then 10 minutes later he comes back with PASTA! Best boyfriend ever. I did unfortunately have to leave at 2:15pm for an interview about SNL and I definitely didn't want to go but I did and it wasn't as horrible as I originally thought. Then we ran around the town and playing medieval house in the local castle. He was an abusive ruler and I was a lowly housemaid who would tell on Haggis if she could. Haha, everyone around us thought we were insane, admittedly we are a bit.
Car Convos Part 3
CHRISTINA
I just don't understand why recording miles on a car is so important to the buyer.
JULIAN
(silent) What.
CHRISTINA
I mean, if I'm driving a car I think the more miles means it definitely works and someone loved this car to death, then I want to buy it!
JULIAN
But that means its old!
CHRISTINA
So what! People buy vintage cars all the time.
JULIAN
Thats...haha. that's not why people buy vintage cars.
CHRISTINA
Yeah yeah, whatever.
Look at my angel. This was taken in the hotel right before we went to bed, I definitely made a good decision with this kid.
Day 10: Happy Saturday y'all. Jules and I stayed in Avignon till 1:15pm and then got on the road for our 3 day stay in Nice! We love Nice, we've always wanted to vacation here since we went. It's got SoCal weather and New York food, it's the best. Tonight there's a local festival showing off Nice food, crafts, clothes, and music so we'll definitely be going to that. The thing that's slightly meh about Nice is that there are more people here that recognize me. I had someone take a picture of my schleppy outfit and I promise you I'll be on someone's Worst Dressed list.
Today we spent the day dicking around in the mall and buying things for ourselves very selfishly. Lovin' it! We invited some of our friends from America a few days ago and now Fab and Kristen are in Nice with us! They got here at 6pm and we got fried chicken for dinner and drinking games for dessert, A lot of drinking games. Ha ha, we drunkenly went to this festival and I bought handmaid envelopes and jewelry. Kristen and I were messing around and I fell down and bruised my hand, it was pretty awkward because a lot of people saw and it was very embarrassing. Then we went back to the hotel, continued drinking, dancing, singing, and then full-out making out erupted between the couples haha. Fab and Kristen left shortly after.
Day 11-14: Another few days in Nice! Most mornings we wake up late and get breakfast by the beach and then relax and people watch. It's been a very romantic and fun trip for us. We partied...ate delicious food...met some crazy people...but we must say goodbye to France and hello to Italy! Today is Wednesday and we're leaving Nice tomorrow morning for a 2 hour and 15 minute roadtrip to Genoa Italy (lunch stop) and then another hour and 45 minutes later and we reach Milan! There we'll stay overnight and after that...who knows! I do know that Jules and I will fly out to Mexico Friday morning the 19th so he can play with the Voidz at the Hellow Festival. I'm excited to see them play, haven't seen Jules play a concert in forever. By the way welcome to the cast, Pete Davidson! Good flippin' luck. Man I would not want to join the SNL cast right now since Lorne is cutting people left and right. Anyway, that's my update from Nice!
Day 15-16: If anyone didn't already know...Rolling Stone is streaming Julian's new album online! And I absolutely love it, Nintendo Blood and Take Me To Your Army are pretty phenomenal, although Where No Eagles Fly is still probably my favorite. It's such a raw and different sound for this album...anywho, Thursday we drove from Nice to Genoa and got the most touristy Italian food to ever exist and the town (that I figured would be very small) was actually huge! And really picturesque. Heres a pic:
It's also very colorful! A lot of the houses on the water are different sunset shades, its gorgeous. We ended up staying for a couple hours after lunch and didn't get to Milan till around 6pm. Its slightly warmed in Italy than it is in France, which is nice since we really don't have many clothes. The next day we sadly had to fly to Mexico for Julian's show and we got to Mexico and there were so many fangirls! I was actually surprised because I didn't think that they'd know which terminal and gate and what not but when we got off the plane and into the airport Jules was just swamped. My dork:
I got to meet the band! I don't think they love me...which is okay I mean I don't have the best reputation with bands but being judged off the bat isn't super fun. Oh well, I'll survive. The festival was crazy, a lot of it I spent alone because Jules was with the band but I was very preoccupied with all my homework I've been putting off. 150 psychology questions, 50 chemistry questions and a lab, oy vey. Either way, Mexico was fun and quick, we left that night for Italy and the show was phenomenal but again, very short.
Day 17: It's bizarre to think Jules and I have been basically on-the-run for almost 3 weeks. Today is Saturday September 20th and Jules and I are in Italy! Neither of us speak Italian so it is quite difficult communicating with others. Tonight we are doing a bar crawl so that should be interesting...usually tourists do that so we'll probably meet some Americans or at least some Englishmen. Another one bites the dust at SNL, we say goodbye to cast version of Mike O'Brien and hello again to Writer version Mike O'Brien! Welcome back to the behind the scenes bro.
Day 18: Oh Sunday morning hangovers are an American delicacy...one that every college freshmen and depressed 45 year old understands...Jules and I were going to head to Florence but we were too dead in the morning to make decisions. Milan is treating us well! We've got real clothes now that we're in one of the fashion capitals of the world, although Jules' fashion sense is definitely questionable at best. Denim is just never going to leave his wardrobe folks, get used to us (I meant to write it but then us came out and I like the message more). We haven't received too much attention as a couple yet...we were in one magazine for my poor taste in outfit but the news hasn't hit America yet, or at least American tabloids. Bradley is back in LA according to press and I'm not sure if Suki is with him, I'm sure she's got some fashion week to do. Jules' album comes out Tuesday so he's got a lot of press stuff to do now. A lot of them are radio interviews since he wants to stay with me for the time being in Italy although we do fly home and end our vacation this Sunday (so sad). I have to be back in NYC Monday to start writing/filming for that Saturday's show with Chris Pratt (!!) and Ariana Grande. Jules wants to do a lot of secret shows in NYC so that's what he's going to do while I do SNL and my movie. His tour doesn't start till mid October so we've got some time together before everything gets crazy. Here's a pic of Jules in his booth for an XFM Radio interview:
Today we spent the day dicking around in the mall and buying things for ourselves very selfishly. Lovin' it! We invited some of our friends from America a few days ago and now Fab and Kristen are in Nice with us! They got here at 6pm and we got fried chicken for dinner and drinking games for dessert, A lot of drinking games. Ha ha, we drunkenly went to this festival and I bought handmaid envelopes and jewelry. Kristen and I were messing around and I fell down and bruised my hand, it was pretty awkward because a lot of people saw and it was very embarrassing. Then we went back to the hotel, continued drinking, dancing, singing, and then full-out making out erupted between the couples haha. Fab and Kristen left shortly after.
Day 11-14: Another few days in Nice! Most mornings we wake up late and get breakfast by the beach and then relax and people watch. It's been a very romantic and fun trip for us. We partied...ate delicious food...met some crazy people...but we must say goodbye to France and hello to Italy! Today is Wednesday and we're leaving Nice tomorrow morning for a 2 hour and 15 minute roadtrip to Genoa Italy (lunch stop) and then another hour and 45 minutes later and we reach Milan! There we'll stay overnight and after that...who knows! I do know that Jules and I will fly out to Mexico Friday morning the 19th so he can play with the Voidz at the Hellow Festival. I'm excited to see them play, haven't seen Jules play a concert in forever. By the way welcome to the cast, Pete Davidson! Good flippin' luck. Man I would not want to join the SNL cast right now since Lorne is cutting people left and right. Anyway, that's my update from Nice!
Day 15-16: If anyone didn't already know...Rolling Stone is streaming Julian's new album online! And I absolutely love it, Nintendo Blood and Take Me To Your Army are pretty phenomenal, although Where No Eagles Fly is still probably my favorite. It's such a raw and different sound for this album...anywho, Thursday we drove from Nice to Genoa and got the most touristy Italian food to ever exist and the town (that I figured would be very small) was actually huge! And really picturesque. Heres a pic:
It's also very colorful! A lot of the houses on the water are different sunset shades, its gorgeous. We ended up staying for a couple hours after lunch and didn't get to Milan till around 6pm. Its slightly warmed in Italy than it is in France, which is nice since we really don't have many clothes. The next day we sadly had to fly to Mexico for Julian's show and we got to Mexico and there were so many fangirls! I was actually surprised because I didn't think that they'd know which terminal and gate and what not but when we got off the plane and into the airport Jules was just swamped. My dork:
I got to meet the band! I don't think they love me...which is okay I mean I don't have the best reputation with bands but being judged off the bat isn't super fun. Oh well, I'll survive. The festival was crazy, a lot of it I spent alone because Jules was with the band but I was very preoccupied with all my homework I've been putting off. 150 psychology questions, 50 chemistry questions and a lab, oy vey. Either way, Mexico was fun and quick, we left that night for Italy and the show was phenomenal but again, very short.
Day 17: It's bizarre to think Jules and I have been basically on-the-run for almost 3 weeks. Today is Saturday September 20th and Jules and I are in Italy! Neither of us speak Italian so it is quite difficult communicating with others. Tonight we are doing a bar crawl so that should be interesting...usually tourists do that so we'll probably meet some Americans or at least some Englishmen. Another one bites the dust at SNL, we say goodbye to cast version of Mike O'Brien and hello again to Writer version Mike O'Brien! Welcome back to the behind the scenes bro.
Day 18: Oh Sunday morning hangovers are an American delicacy...one that every college freshmen and depressed 45 year old understands...Jules and I were going to head to Florence but we were too dead in the morning to make decisions. Milan is treating us well! We've got real clothes now that we're in one of the fashion capitals of the world, although Jules' fashion sense is definitely questionable at best. Denim is just never going to leave his wardrobe folks, get used to us (I meant to write it but then us came out and I like the message more). We haven't received too much attention as a couple yet...we were in one magazine for my poor taste in outfit but the news hasn't hit America yet, or at least American tabloids. Bradley is back in LA according to press and I'm not sure if Suki is with him, I'm sure she's got some fashion week to do. Jules' album comes out Tuesday so he's got a lot of press stuff to do now. A lot of them are radio interviews since he wants to stay with me for the time being in Italy although we do fly home and end our vacation this Sunday (so sad). I have to be back in NYC Monday to start writing/filming for that Saturday's show with Chris Pratt (!!) and Ariana Grande. Jules wants to do a lot of secret shows in NYC so that's what he's going to do while I do SNL and my movie. His tour doesn't start till mid October so we've got some time together before everything gets crazy. Here's a pic of Jules in his booth for an XFM Radio interview:
I'm going to see The Strokes when I get back to NYC. For those who have been with me since the beginning they know that that sentence is monumental. For those who don't remember, before Jules left NYC for LA to work on Comedown Machine, The Strokes (minus Julian of course) and I were frustrated with one another because we were basically fighting over who was more important. I was pinned as a Yoko (but unlike Jenna Maroney, I did not Yoko the band)
^not my gif but how fucking cool is it? Voidz in the background
Anywho, Nick and Albert were the main people angry with me, Nikolai kind of jumped on board with the group and Fab just backed out in general. That's ok, I've hung out with Fab post Jules and my break-up so we're fine, Nick is still very wonky, I haven't seen or talked to Albert at all, I texted Nikolai twice, one to ask him a question, and the other to wish him happy birthday. I can't imagine they'll react well considering they want to make a 6th album in January but...I don't know, I definitely won't be as intrusive and attached to the band as I was the first time around. When Jules and I dated back in 2010-2013 I basically was dating the band, I mean, I came to 90% of practices and hang-outs when they wrote their songs and recorded them. I was around for everything and maybe that's why when Julian and I were kinda falling apart the band was as well. I mean, Comedown Machine was a huge product of our breakup. If I may...
Tap Out: "Gotta get my hands on something new. You don't want to be without this. Something isn't adding up"
All The Time: "You're livin' a lie. You're livin' a lie. You're living too fast. You gotta pray for the best. You never ask why. You never ask why.You're living a lie. Baby you're flying too high
One Way Trigger: "You ask me to stay, But there's a million reasons to leave"
Welcome To Japan: "You'll never believe me 'til you're on your own"
80's Comedown Machine: "It's not the first time That I've watched you Passing by. I've tried too hard To get back there. But, you never try Anymore"
50/50: "Why's she telling me the story of her life? All the things you wanna kill will give you spite. And if you've taken all the prisoners inside. As they're doling out their wisdom in the fire"
Happy Ending: "Baby, show me where to go. Some things, I don't wanna know, Baby, tell me if you're sure. I wanna die"
Partners In Crime: "Might need a lawyer. Let's all be honest. Where there's a forest. We don't belong"
Slow Animals: "You don't have to be so loud. Everyone can hear you in this whole damn crowd
You don't have to try so hard. I think they got the message, you were out of your mind. It's not so good to see you this upset. But the next generation will forget"
Chances: "I take my chances alone. Get on your horse and be gone. I will not wait up for you anymore. So you can ask me if something is wrong...Little Girl...I don't know anymore"
Call It Fate Call It Karma: "Can I stand in your light just for a while? I’ve waited around and oh no, you are are not around. I made up more time watchin’ you"
So yeah, when I say The Strokes and I have some issues...we have some issues.
Day 19: Most hate Mondays, but when you're on the road to FLORENCE, you tend to love Mondays. Yesterday we lazed around all day and smoked cigars by the water but I hate cigars so I really just smoked half of it while we laughed at my non-Italian-ness. This morning after a solid cuddle-fest from the cutest dude in the world we headed to Bologna, Italy! 2 hour car ride and we chanted BALONEY BALONEY BALONEY for a solid 20 minutes. We're weird. You'll be damned if we didn't find the nearest market to where we parked and bought ourselves the biggest hunk of bologna that ever did exist. By the Jules is meeting with a magazine article writer once we get to Florence so expect an article on Jules and the Voidz this Friday!
Driving with Jules is a lot of fun because it's half nonsense talking, 1/4 serious talk, and then 1/4 singing loudly and obnoxiously. All of our serious talk is literally just "what the fuck are we going to do when we go back to the US". He's playing on The Tonight Show next Tuesday, he's got so many interviews and photo-shoots, a few secret shows in the city, and more that I can't even remember right now. Then I've got a full week of SNL, I'm not doing the promo with Chris Pratt so that's nice (Kate is doing it instead), but I know I'm in at least 5 scenes for Saturday so that'll be interesting. Then I've got shooting for the movie, just me! No Ryan Gosling, Tom Hiddleston, or Liam Neeson (*sobs*). *Sigh* we have a lot of work to do and Jules just added 4 new tour dates all in Australia...we'll trudge on.
Day 20: Florence has been kind to us! But we're heading to Grosseto for a lunch stop and then end up in Rome by tonight. We'll probably stay in Rome till Friday and fly home then. As to living arrangements I'm not sure what will happen but I have my SNL apartment and he has a house outside the city. We'll figure it out later. I've been getting some emails about what my favorite songs are from Julian's new album Tyranny, here's my list:
1. Dare I Care
2. Xerox
3. Human Sadness
4. Nintendo Blood
5. Where No Eagles Fly
6. Johan Von Bronx
7. Crunch Punch
8. Take Me In Your Army
9. Mutually Assured Destruction
10. Off To War...
11. Business Dog
12. Father Electricity
for now...
Day 21: What's this BS that a magician won America's Got Talent and not the marvelous Quintavious Johnson. I literally cried at his finale performance. Jules and I made it to Rome! We didn't get to Rome till around 6pm and immediately got dinner (pizza! what a surprise from us New Yorkers). I have to say people in Rome definitely recognize us a lot more than anywhere else. Jules and I were walking around town, hand in hand, and had a couple people whip out iPhones and take pictures of us. We ducked into a small alley way and I whispered to Jules "I miss France". But hey, I guess I have to get used to it, that's going to be the next month for me once we get back to NY. I got a couple questions asking if I had heard from Bradley at all and I have not heard from him directly but I've heard from Dax Shepard and Jen Lawrence. Basically the consensus is: "Are you nuts?" "What were you thinking?" "Good fucking luck." "Hey when am I gonna see you?" Oy vey.
I'm still basking in the glow of our European vacation. The weather has been relatively perfect, us being a couple has been perfect, and the food, my oh my, I don't even care that I've gained at least 5 pounds the food has been phenomenal. Today we spent a lot of our time relaxing at the beach, we just got into Game of Thrones so we've been watching/listening to that in our spare time which is basically all of our time. Haha.
Day 22: Another day in Rome is another day of fantastic food, nice sights, and great company.
Day 23: Friday
Day 24, 25, 26: Saturday and Sunday were in Italy and were spent ignoring the imminent doom of New York. But today is Tuesday which means I am currently in New York. Here's what happened: Day 25 (Sunday) Jules and I flew from Rome to London and then to JFK by that point it was 2am, we went back to my new apartment in NBC, and slept. Monday I had classes from 12:30-1, watched Kate film the promos with Chris afterwards, got lunch at the NBC cafe and brought it to the studio where Jules was hiding with Beardo (Voidz), and ate with them till I had to look at some art designs from the art department for the movie, which was at 3:30. The at 4:30pm I had to go to another class till 5:45, then immediately after I had an SNL meeting till 7:45pm, and then another SNL meeting directly after talking about Michael Che and Pete Davidson and cool stuff we could do with them as noobies. That lasted till 8:30pm, immediately after I went and worked out in the NBC gym till 9:35, went upstairs to my room, saw Jules, made-out, went to bed. In other news...shit hasn't hit the fan yet. However, I am publishing this today (Tuesday September 30th, 2014) and now everything will be out in the open.
*braces*
