Monday, November 18, 2013

The Jonathan Ross Show-Nightwing Interview

I realize that The Jonathan Ross shows premieres on Saturday and that we filmed it on Monday, I'M A BUSY GIRL! Quit yer emails.
JONATHAN ROSS
Our other guest is of course the star of Saturday Night Live but now she's moved on to movies and such, it's the wonderful, Christina Essenelle! (the crowd cheers as CHRISTINA leaves the room and is greeting by JONATHAN, he takes her hand and kisses both of her cheeks) You look fabulous, Christina.
CHRISTINA
Why, thank you!
JONATHAN
Lovely to see you again, come and sit down. (CHRISTINA sits on the couch while JONATHAN goes back to his desk) That's a wonderful outfit, is that leather that dress?
CHRISTINA
It is leather! It's a blue leather dress, with slits to make me all sexy and what not.
JONATHAN
Oh well congratulations on a job well done (both CHRISTINA and the audience laugh) Um, last time I saw you, you left my booth at The Big Fat Quiz of the Year 2011 for that vampire of a human being Noel Fielding.
CHRISTINA
(laughing) Oh leave poor Noel alone, I'm actually staying with him while in London!
JONATHAN
Oh well I wouldn't doubt it, you two were like little puppies just pushing and biting one another.
CHRISTINA
Ha ha! Very funny, you're just mad because I left you with Russel Brand, and he himself is essentially chaos. (the audience laughs)
JONATHAN
(stares at the audience intently) It was quite frightening.
CHRISTINA
But I'm back! And I've missed you Jonathan, I really have. (the audience awes)
JONATHAN
Yeah well, who wouldn't miss this devilish charm (he runs his hand through his hair, CHRISTINA and the audience laugh) But in all seriousness you are back, and you've got quite a big thing to talk about.
CHRISTINA
Yes indeed.
JONATHAN
Nightwing. First movie, were you nervous filming for the big screen this time?
CHRISTINA
Oh God yes, I've always loved the Batman trilogy and really everything Christopher Nolan has done so I was so intimidated to be working with him and people like Gary Oldman.
JONATHAN
But, I assume you got over it.
CHRISTINA
Oh yes, I think the moment I realized that I trusted Chris 100% was when I fainted from exhaustion on set and I was sent to our little medical tent and Chris had stayed with me the entire time, filming was stopped for the day, and he bought dinner and watched stupid TV with me.
JONATHAN
Stupid TV?
CHRISTINA
Yeah I don't know if you have Toddlers and Tiaras here in BBC land but in America there's a show that goes into child pagaentry and it's just hilarious, but I call it stupid TV because it's just so...
JONATHAN
Stupid!
CHRISTINA
(she and the audience laugh) Exactly!
JONATHAN
I’m surprised at how positively British you are, I mean two BBC shows, a British director, and a British father in the film…do you have an obsession with us?
CHRISTINA
(laughter) No not quite, I do nail the accent though.
JONATHAN
You do it pretty well, there’s a few key words you’re missing but otherwise good, why do you do that by the way?
CHRISTINA
Speak with an accent in England?
JONATHAN
Yeah, because most actors that come from the States speak with an American accent.
CHRISTINA
Well, when I was younger, as most of you know I was an orphan and I noticed that beggars who went to China and Korea Town wouldn’t get any food if they didn’t know the language, so I use to know how to ask in Chinese and Korean “please give me some food I am poor”, anyways point of the story is that when you make an effort to even slightly resemble their culture people appreciate it, so here I sit, speaking as though I were British, because I care.
JONATHAN
(the audience claps) And it is very generous, and we do appreciate it.
CHRISTINA
I try.
JONATHAN
Let’s talk about this movie you’re in, big, big film. Can you tell us a little about it?
CHRISTINA
Why of course! I’m going to assume the people watching this have already seen the first three films, or any of those 3 films. I play Barbara Gordon, Lieutenant Gordon’s daughter, and I go and help Nightwing, played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt, solve this weird pattern of murders that were caused by Javier Bardem’s character. That’s basically what’s going on.
JONATHAN
Ah yes Joseph Gordon-Levitt, he’s quite the handsome man isn’t he?
CHRISTINA
Ha ha, I don’t think I’ll ever view him like that, we’ve got more of a brother-sister relationship going on.
JONATHAN
Now, I’ve seen the movie but I know it doesn’t come out till December 1st, but I really just wanted to say-without giving anything away-that you were absolutely amazing.
CHRISTINA
Oh thank you-
JONATHAN
No really, Christina. I know I’m a talk show host and I have to say how wonderful and fabulous you are but I mean this from the bottom of my heart, your movie touched me in a way I wish I could explain to the audience. I cried!
CHRISTINA
You did? At something I did?
JONATHAN
Well, yeah! Oh I sat in that screener with my wife and she lost it and couldn’t even console her because I was just covering my mouth in awe with tears streaming down my face, you are a truly phenomenal actress Christina, and I’ll be damned if you don’t win every award out there for that movie. (the audience claps and cheers loudly while CHRISTINA blushes and covers her face she shakes her head in disbelief for a while and then she puts her hands down and she’s tear-y eyed) Oh no, don’t cry!
CHRISTINA
(laughs and wipes her eyes) I value your opinion so much Jonathan, you have no idea. As someone who is known for comedy it was such a battle for me to take this job. I want to be seen as a versatile actress, but when I would tell people about this opportunity they would say “how could you do a dramatic role, you’re a comedian on SNL who does goofy characters”, but I did it any way, no one believed I could do it except for those who were on set with me. I remember after we finished filming the climax scene, the one I assume you cried during, and Chris came up to me a week later and showed me the scene and when it ended he just looked at me, also teary eyed and said “You’re truly talented Christina, you’re going to go so far in this business, and I thank God I was the first one to get to see it”
JONATHAN
(she wipes her eyes again and JONATHAN takes her hand) You alright?
CHRISTINA
I’m so sorry, this is my first interview for the film where my interviewer actually saw the movie, ugh I’m a mess.
JONATHAN
I saw your blog, don’t you have about 20 more interviews to do?
CHRISTINA
OH GOD. (the audience laughs loudly)
JONATHAN
Well I think we have a clip for the audience while you calm yourself down (she laughs and the lights dim and the clip plays, it's about 30 seconds long. The audience applaudes when the clip ends and the lights come back on)
CHRISTINA
Alright so from here on out, no more crying.
JONATHAN
I don’t think I've ever had someone cry on my show, it’s kind of surreal seeing an actress actually be herself.
CHRISTINA
Ha ha, what a commodity.
JONATHAN
No I know, but from my stand point this is an actual commodity, actors are very closed off and sheltered but I've never got the impression that that's something you're about.
CHRISTINA
No, it really isn't. It's funny, my assistant will send over a list of things that he thinks I don't want to talk about and that's really not the case, I'm an open book and always have been, I mean how many celebrities do you know out there that have a blog that explicitly tells them what's happening on there day-to-day?
JONATHAN
No many that's for sure! 
CHRISTINA
I somewhat understand it and don't at the same time.
JONATHAN
Have you ever been close friends or intimate with someone who has that mindset of sort of "don't ask, don't tell"?
CHRISTINA
Oh of course! I mean, I'm in a movie with Christopher Nolan as the director, and if you remember for the last three Batman films everyone was very hush hush about the film as a whole, and I had to as well which killed me. All I wanted to do was to tell people what was happening and what not but I couldn't! I found out I was in the film several months before I could even say anything about it.
JONATHAN
Oh so you did sort of close yourself off?
CHRISTINA
Absolutely, well I had to! 
JONATHAN
Don't want to give anything away, I understand. Well and there really is a lot to give away in just one interview, if you know what I mean.
CHRISTINA
No, what do you mean?
JONATHAN
Well there are certain scenes that I don't think you'd want your fans to know about before the movie comes out.
CHRISTINA
Oh yeah of course! I'm actually really excited to see what people think of it as a whole, I know everyone I go to class with is going to go see it. At least my teachers are that is.
JONATHAN
That's right you go to Columbia in New York for psychology!
CHRISTINA
(the audience claps) Thank you, it's a lot of fun, lot of work though. But my teachers have always been a little angry with me because last year for my freshman year I had to miss class all the time to film so I would skype in and listen to lectures whenever I could, but I did manage to get a 3.0 my first semester, a 3.7 my second semester and hopefully the same or better this semester.
JONATHAN
(the audience cheers as does JONATHAN) Wow! Now why did you choose psychology?
CHRISTINA
When I was in high school I was always obsessed with insane asylums and mad houses and that's when I really started getting into comics, and I adored the villains!
JONATHAN
The villains?
CHRISTINA
Yes! The Joker was always my favorite, because he was just...insane, I loved it, I wish he was real because I would absolutely love to give him some therapy.
JONATHAN
Well hopefully you wouldn't end up like Harley Quinn, the therapist he made fall in love with him.
CHRISTINA
Ha ha, I wouldn't be surprised if I fell in love. I just think the mind of a killer is so interesting, which I know for someone like me is a little disturbing (the audience laughs) 
JONATHAN
Well then I've got a question for you, the man who stabbed and shot at you back in December of 2010, would you like to speak with him?
CHRISTINA
(she looks at him very plainly for a moment) He's dead.
JONATHAN
Oh, well then, maybe not. (the audience laughs)
CHRISTINA
What an interview this is shaping up to be, let's get some jokes going! (everyone laughs)
JONATHAN
I know I feel like I've opened up Pandora's Box!
CHRISTINA
That's what happens when you put me in front of a camera for 13 minutes, the craziest of things.
JONATHAN
Now you said you were a big fan of the Batman comics, would you say you know a decent amount about them?
CHRISTINA
See the things is, I'd like to think I know a decent amount, but then in about five seconds you're going to quiz me on that amount and I'm going to embarrass myself on this stage so, no I'm an idiot.
JONATHAN
(laughs) Oh come on, you were in the movie you should know a lot about it.
CHRISTINA
Oh lord, alright.
JONATHAN
I've got some quiz questions here, it's called Nightquiz (the audience laughs) and we're gonna see how much you can remember, if that's ok.
CHRISTINA
Let's do it!
JONATHAN
Alright (the lights dim so that it's just a blue light and then some voice say loudly NIGHTQUIZ and everyone laughs), question 1, who played the character of Barbara Gordon in the film Nightwing, just kidding, question 2 how many different Robins are there to Batman?
CHRISTINA
Oh, oh, okay there's Tim Drake, Damian, um, um, oh come on, 
JONATHAN
Need a little-
CHRISTINA
Shut your mouth I've got this (the audience laughs) Stephanie, Jason Todd, why can I not remember the original Robin's name...the movie made up a name for Robin so I get all confused. AGH, oh my God.
JONATHAN
10 seconds.
CHRISTINA
(after a few seconds of looking down) DICK GRAYSON! (there's a buzz for an incorrect answer)
JONATHAN
You were so close! You forgot Carrie Kelly.
CHRISTINA
Oh come on!
JONATHAN
Next question, what is Batman's butler's full name?
CHRISTINA
Alfred Pennyworth.
JONATHAN
That was an easy one. According to the Batman video game Arkham City what is the name of the fictional city that Gotham City was built on top of?
CHRISTINA
Just beat that game about a month ago, Wonder City.
JONATHAN
Correct! List three of Batman's love interests.
CHRISTINA
Oh um, well Rachel Dawes.
JONATHAN
According to the comic books.
CHRISTINA
So Rachel Dawes doesn't count?
JONATHAN
No she does not.
CHRISTINA
Oh geez uh, Catwoman slash Selina Kyle?
JONATHAN
That's one.
CHRISTINA
Um...oh Talia Al Ghul!
JONATHAN
That's two!
CHRISTINA
Uhhh...I'm sure he eventually fell in love with me right. (there is a ding for a correct answer)
JONATHAN
Correct!
CHRISTINA
What!!
JONATHAN
Congratulations, you do know your stuff.
CHRISTINA
What did I win?
JONATHAN
Nothing! (the audience laughs)
CHRISTINA
Ha ha, yay!
JONATHAN
Well Christina you are just a delight and I really hope everyone goes and sees this phenomenal movie. Christina, I'm watching history in the making and I can't wait to cheer you on at your first BAFTA and Oscars. Christina Essenelle everyone! Nightwing comes out in theaters December 1st.















Saturday, November 16, 2013

To London!

...tomorrow.

I wrote that yesterday, and now it's Sunday! AND I JUST MADE IT TO LONDON! Still on East coast time so, there's that. I'm staying with Noel and boy have I missed the little bugger. Tomorrow I'll be on the Jonathan Ross show so tune in!

Whenever I'm in London I GOT to party with the Boosh. Look at these two dorks. Rich Fulcher is my LIFE.


Friday, November 8, 2013

Heading to Connecticut!

Bradley, Beck, Nasim, and I are heading to Connecticut this weekend and we'll be back on Sunday. I'M PUMPED, BONDING TRIP.

So, Jen got a pixie cut and it is SO dramatic! Yay Jen!

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Media Tour-Nightwing!

I start in London (unfortunately Bradley will not be joining me, he'll be filming his Cameron Crowe project) and do some interviews there (The Jonathan Ross Show, The Graham Norton Show, and Alan Carr Chatty Man) and then I head back to NYC to be on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Chuck the Movie Guy, and Movies Coming Soon, and then I've got a photo-shoot with Elle Magazine (I'M THE COVER!) and then I'm off to California to be on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, Conan, The Late Late show with Craig Ferguson, The Ellen DeGeneres Show an interview with Jill Simonian, and then the big premiere in LA! I still can't believe the movie will be playing in 20 other territories on 4,520 screens. That's insane! 

So here's the schedule:
November 17th: Leave for London
November 18th: Jonathan Ross Show
November 19th: Alan Carr Chatty Man
November 20th: The Graham Norton Show and fly back to NYC
November 21st: Late Show with David Letterman
November 22nd: Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
November 23rd: Elle Magazine photoshoot
November 25th: Elle Magazine comes out and Chuck the Movie Guy interview
November 26th: Movies Coming soon interview, leave for Philadelphia
November 27th-30th: Spend time with Bradley's family for Thanksgiving
November 30th: Leave for LA
December 1st: LA Premiere of Nightwing
December 2nd: Conan
December 3rd: Jimmy Kimmel Live!
December 4th: Interview with Jill Simonian and The Ellen DeGeneres Show 
December 5th: Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
December 5th: Leave for NYC

So, yeah I'm a little busy. 

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Cooking with the Sophisticates -Asian Invasion- with special guests Christina Essenelle and Bradley Cooper

Everything is this video was done for comedy, no one was hurt in the making of this video.

TYSON
Welcome to cooking with the sophisticates this time we're cooking Asian Invasion! ...food.
ELENA
But wait a minute, babe, I don't know where anything is!
TYSON
Oh but-(he turns around all confused in this new kitchen) I don't know where anything is either!
CHRISTINA
(pops out from around the corner and points to ELENA and TYSON dramatically) That's because you're in my kitchen! 
ELENA AND TYSON
(they put their hands on their faces in mock shock) WHAT!?
BRADLEY
(popping around the same corner as CHRISTINA) And we're starving, let's cook!
~Cooking with the Sophisticates -Asian Invasion- with special guests Christina Essenelle and Bradley Cooper~
CHRISTINA
(to the camera) As many of you may not know, I don't really have food in my kitchen, but since Tyson Ritter-
TYSON
(next to her) Don't talk to the camera.
CHRISTINA
What?
TYSON 
Just pretend there is no camera at all.
CHRISTINA
What camera?
TYSON
(confused) What? That camera right there (he points to the camera and CHRISTINA looks at him confused)
CHRISTINA
Tyson you're pointing at my wall. (quick shot of the wall where TYSON was pointing, he squints his eyes in confusion and then shrugs)
ELENA
(to BRADLEY and CHRISTINA who are now standing next to each other) Now that you two have come out as a real couple we're gonna teach you how to cook like a real couple.
BRADLEY
I already know how to coo- (ELENA slaps him across the face and TYSON and CHRISTINA cover their mouths and gasps while BRADLEY places a hand where ELENA slapped him, wide-eyed he says) I don't know how to cook...?
ELENA AND TYSON
We know.
CHRISTINA
So what're we making tonight, sophisticates?
TYSON
Chicken tenderloins with angel hair pasta, roasted garlic and tomatoes in a balsamic vinaigrette sauce.
ELENA
And a side of cheddar broccoli rice.
BRADLEY
Mmm sounds good (wraps his arm around CHRISTINA's waist)
TYSON
(slaps a ruler in his hands) LET'S GET STARTED. (in the next sequence the camera will cut between the duo of ELENA and TYSON watching behind BRADLEY and CHRISTINA and to CHRISTINA and BRADLEY cooking)
ELENA 
Ok first thing you wanna do is get your chicken out that'll be the main attraction for dinner. (BRADLEY gets the chicken from the fridge and drops it with lackluster onto the counter)
BRADLEY
Now what?
CHRISTINA
(CHRISTINA playfully hits BRADLEY on the arm and whispers to him) Be nice.
BRADLEY
(he whispers back) I know how to cook chicken.
CHRISTINA
Well I don't, Elena teach me how to make chicken. (BRADLEY smiles and kisses her on the side of the head, the camera then quick cuts to ELENA and TYSON who look disgusted)
TYSON
Alright Bradley so to make rice all you've got to do is take your dry rice and put it in a bowl. (BRADLEY goes over to the cabinet and takes out this massive bag of rice)
CHRISTINA
Oh my god, why would you buy so much?!
BRADLEY
Tyson said we'd be making this all the time after this lesson.
CHRISTINA
TYSON! NOBODY NEEDS A DOG FOOD SIZED BAG OF RICE!
TYSON
Just you wait when all of china comes to your doorstep asking for rice and you're prepared.
CHRISTINA
Last time Tyson and Bradley do grocery shopping. (CHRISTINA opens up the package of chicken and takes out a pan) 
ELENA
So for the chicken you're gonna want to put olive oil in the pan and put the stove on low for right now while we marinate the chicken. (BRADLEY starts to pour the giant bag of rice into the tiny bowl and the bag slips out of his fingers and falls to the floor, rice is everywhere. Everyone is silent at first)
BRADLEY
Shit.
TYSON
I was talking about Chinese ants coming to your door by the way.
CHRISTINA
(BRADLEY jumps down to the floor to pick up the bag and looks up at CHRISTINA sheepishly, she laughs) What the fuck. Ha ha ha. (they sweep up the mess and place the dirty rice in the garbage and the rest of the bag back in the cabinet)
ELENA
Christina, now you're going to rub the chicken with salt, pepper, balsamic vinegar, garlic, and olive oil.
CHRISTINA
How should I rub it in?
TYSON
Here let me show you (TYSON saunters over to CHRISTINA and places his arms over hers, guiding her fingers over the chicken) See, just like that, really simple (he says into her ear, smelling her hair. The camera pans over to BRADLEY and ELENA, she has her arms crossed and BRADLEY is wagging his finger at the two of them, he then taps TYSON on the shoulder and punches him square in the jaw)
ELENA
 (to BRADLEY) HEY THAT'S MY FIANCE! (she then tackles BRADLEY to the ground and CHRISTINA then jumps in)
CHRISTINA
GET OFF MY MAN YOU BITCH.
TYSON
MAKE ROOM FOR ONE MORE! (they're all fighting and then the camera cuts to all of them standing back in their original positions with disheveled hair and cuts and bruises)
CHRISTINA
(slowly) So...what next? (the camera then cuts again and everyone is back to looking normal and not disheveled)
TYSON
Well Bradley here is going to put water into the rice and then put it in the microwave for about four minutes.
BRADLEY
This is pretty easy!
CHRISTINA
Bradley you just dropped half the rice on the floor.
BRADLEY
And you're a 23 year old who doesn't know how to cook chicken.
CHRISTINA
(looks at him dramatically, she drops the chicken in the pan and it makes a sizzling sound, she then starts singing) We should be lovers! 
BRADLEY
(dramatically, he closes the microwave and looks down) ♪We can't do that...♪
CHRISTINA 
(turning to him now) ♪We should be lovers....and that's a fact!♪ (the lights start dimming)
TYSON
(the camera pans over to a very confused ELENA and TYSON who are watching the musical number before their eyes) What is happening.
BRADLEY 
(he grabs both of CHRISTINA's shoulders in desperation) ♪Though nothing...would keep us together!♪ 
ELENA
(rushes over to the chicken) Oh fuck.
CHRISTINA 
(looks deeply into his eyes) ♪We could steal time-♪
BRADLEY AND CHRISTINA 
(he slides his hands down her arms and stops when he reaches her hands, holding them) ♪Just for one day. We could be heroes, forever and ever. We could be heroes, forever and ever. We could be heroes!♪ 
BRADLEY 
(the camera starts circling around BRADLEY and CHRISTINA while they hold each others hands and look into each other's eyes) ♪Just because I (small fireworks burst around BRADLEY and CHRISTINA and the camera cuts over to TYSON and ELENA who jump from shock)will always love you-♪
CHRISTINA
♪I-♪
BRADLEY AND CHRISTINA 
 ♪Can't help loving...(the camera stops circling them and it pauses, they're faces so close to one another)you.♪
CHRISTINA
♪How wonderful life is-♪
BRADLEY AND CHRISTINA 
♪Now you're in the world.♪ (they kiss passionately)
ELENA
(the lights start to lighten up and TYSON and ELENA are just standing there, stunned) ...okay. (the camera cuts to a finished chicken on a plate and a large pot of boiling water)
TYSON 
Now Bradley this is redemption time, can you put pasta in that boiling water.
BRADLEY
Yes sir.
TYSON
Alright do it. (slow motion BRADLEY putting the pasta into the pot dramatically while the camera cuts to ELENA, TYSON, and CHRISTINA's faces covered in sweat and fear, BRADLEY puts the pasta without dropping any, everyone let out a sigh of relief) And that'll be done in about 10 minutes.
ELENA
In the mean time we have to take the rice out of the microwave and put some broccoli in there to steam.
TYSON
And since we were lazy we bought some broccoli steamers from Valley Fresh. 
CHRISTINA
Yeah! I can do that. (CHRISTINA puts it into the microwave and the camera goes over to the four of them waiting for their things to finish cooking, they look bored)
TYSON
So...do you guys do a lot of musical numbers together?
BRADLEY
It's almost on a daily basis yeah.
ELENA
That's normal.
CHRISTINA
ON ALL THE ADDAMS ANCESTORS WHO'VE EVER WALKED ALRIGHT! ONE NORMAL NIGHT!
CHRISTINA AND BRADLEY
Do do do do do do-
TYSON AND ELENA
STOP. (BRADLEY and CHRISTINA smile shyly to each other and the camera cuts to CHRISTINA taking angel hair out of a strainer, putting it on a large serving plate. BRADLEY then comes over and puts the broccoli on top of the rice along with some cheese)
ELENA
What did you forget? (BRADLEY and CHRISTINA look at each other confused and then CHRISTINA laughs and puts the chicken on top of the pasta and pour balsamic vinegar all over it, TYSON and ELENA slap their foreheads while BRADLEY and CHRISTINA hold the platter in front of them smiling, looking for approval)
TYSON
You two sometimes.
BRADLEY AND CHRISTINA
This show sometimes. (they turn to each other mouth agape and high five each other. ELENA shakes her head while smiling and then there is a quick cut and it's TYSON, ELENA, BRADLEY and CHRISTINA sitting on a couch eating pizza and chatting casually)
BRADLEY
(to the camera) Have a great night everyone.
TYSON
(the camera slowly zooms out) I can't believe you dropped the rice. (BRADLEY is still and then lunges for TYSON when the video cuts to black)

By the way, for those of you who live under a rock, Ed Helms has been staying with Bradley and I for the past week promising that the reason that he had to stay with us was because he had some affairs in NYC to take care of and he needed a place to stay, and that those affairs were a surprise for Bradley and I. Well we no longer have to wait, because Ed broke the news tonight, December 27th through January 6th Bradley Cooper, Christina Essenelle, Ed Helms, Jennifer Lawrence, Paul Rudd and Jason Segel are all going to be staying in a log cabin together in Park City, Colorado during New Year's Eve, he booked it all this week and we're going to go snowboard/skiing and it's going to be SO MUCH FUN! I'm really excited, and for those of you who noticed that only 6 out of the 7 members of the Celebrity Game Night are going this it's because Ellie can't take the time off from filming during the week, but she will be in Colorado with us from the 27th through the 29th. THE WHOLE GANG BACK TOGETHER! 

I love my friends (:

Slipped and Fell in the Shower

Dear Jimmy Kimmel,

I had a dream last night that I was in your audience just chilling and you know how you go into the audience and talk to someone there? Well in my dream you came up to me but you didn't just let your bald headed annoying warm-up guy shove a microphone in my face, you sat down, put your arm around me, and then decided to be like a drunk frat boy and get in my face and circle me like a damn hawk asking me questions about myself. You didn't know who I was, and I clearly didn't know who I was either because I just kept saying "I love your show! I watch it all the time, you're so funny!" and you kept saying "Oh that's so sweet, you're funny too!" and then I started copying how you were moving around me and we ended up on the floor with our feet on the seat in front of us just chatting, then you had to go (by the way your show was being filmed in an outdoor amphitheater, not the freezing cold studio) so to say goodbye you licked my face like a dog and I laughed (as if that were a normal thing for a late night talk show host to do) and went on my merry way.

                        Love Always,
                                 Christina

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Gives You Hell-O

Well well well TYSON RITTER sang through my door and into my arms, he's back in NYC baby!

Well for the week that is, not staying with me though, he's got a girlfriend! Say what Christie E? Say fuck yeah to Elena Satine, sexy actress and model who has walked sexily into Tyson's life. I gotta say I'm a little bummed he's not fooling around with Jen anymore but hey, you gotta settle down at some point (I mean he's almost 30 [why can't i date people my age oh my lord {who doesn't love 15 year age differences}]). But yeah! Tyson's in town. You know who I haven't seen in a while? Noel Fielding! And he lives primarily in NYC! (i think) I'll call that cutie with a booty up.

BOOTY CALL.

Just kidding.

I AM SO ANGRY. Jen's publicist is the worst. For Catching Fire they're having Josh Hutcherson come on SNL. >:( Speaking of Jen, I woke up with 3 missed calls from Jen that said were made at 1AM. WHATCHU DOIN JEN LAWRENCE. Ha ha, ugh. But the schedule for the next few weeks is:

Kerry Washington with Eminem Sat Nov 9th
Lady Gaga Sat Nov 23rd
Josh Hutcherson with HAIM Sat Nov 30th

Which means that tonight is Edward Norton, I'm showcasing a new character (that I wrote over the summer with WKUK) named Shalon who is just this little shit of a kid. I'm excited it should go over well. We're getting to the end of this year which means that Seth will be leaving SNL and heading over to Late Night, thank God he'll be in the same building, I'm not sure what I would do if Seth left NBC...I would wilt.

Look at this crazy dweeb