JIMMY
My next guests opted to do their interview together, and are quite the dynamic couple, please welcome, Bradley Cooper and Christina Essenelle! (the audience cheers loudly and CHRISTINA comes out with BRADLEY on her arm, she is holding a big bag and is wearing a black and multicolored dress that is billowing. BRADLEY is wearing a blue suit. JIMMY gives BRADLEY a big clap on the back and CHRISTINA lunges for him and they spin hugging-as always-They're about to sit down when they try to figure out who's going to sit next to JIMMY first)
BRADLEY
Oh what're we doing here.
CHRISTINA
You go ahead.
BRADLEY
Yeah? Ok. (BRADLEY sits next to JIMMY and CHRISTINA is on the couch and puts her big bag behind it) What's up!
JIMMY
(laughs) Hey! Gotta say Bradley you were looking quite dapper at the Oscars this Sunday! (the crowd cheers)
BRADLEY
Oh jeez, yeah it was a lot of fun, Ellen was great.
JIMMY
Oh I know, what was your favorite part of the whole experience?
CHRISTINA
Oh! (goes into her bag and pulls out two white boards and two white board markers, she gives one to BRADLEY of each)
JIMMY
Uh, what?
BRADLEY
Yeah, my favorite part of the Oscar's was...(BRADLEY writes something down on the board and then looks over to CHRISTINA)
CHRISTINA
Don't look cheater!
BRADLEY
You done?
CHRISTINA
Uhhhh...yes!
BRADLEY
Alright-
JIMMY
What is happening here?!
BRADLEY
My favorite part of the Oscar's was...(reveals his white board) Pranking with Anne Hathaway.
JIMMY
What! What kind of pranks did you do?
CHRISTINA
And I put...Stuff with Anne Hathaway, do I still get a point Jimmy? (the crowd laughs)
JIMMY
What!! Uh, yes, yes you get a point.
BRADLEY
Yes! (he kisses CHRISTINA on the cheek and the crowd awes)
JIMMY
So what were you Anne Hathaway doing to others?
BRADLEY
Well, as you all know, we're lovers, so-
JIMMY
(baffled) No we don't know that, back it up!
CHRISTINA
What?
BRADLEY
Yeah what's the big deal? Anne and I are lovers, she's my side lover.
JIMMY
And (to CHRISTINA) you're okay with this?
CHRISTINA
Oh come on Jimmy I have to be fair, she was here first.
BRADLEY
In fact, babe! (the door opens and ANNE HATHAWAY walks out waving to an over-joyous crowd) There she is. (CHRISTINA gets up and BRADLEY takes CHRISTINA's seat next to ANNE, CHRISTINA is now sitting next to JIMMY. BRADLEY kisses ANNE on the lips briefly and they are very much wrapped in each other's presence)
ANNE
Oh hey Jimmy.
JIMMY
(still baffled) I was not made aware of this!
CHRISTINA
Well we knew there could only be two guests so we broke the rules a little.
JIMMY
(laughing) I want to say I'm surprised, but I know you too well Christina. By the way, OSCAR WINNING ACTRESS CHRISTINA ESSENELLE EVERYONE! (the crowd goes nuts, CHRISTINA blushes and takes out her Oscar, along with 36 shot glasses) Woah, I don't think you've won that many awards.
CHRISTINA
(laughs) No I've won 6 awards now, one Emmy, two golden globes, two BAFTAS, and an Oscar. But I figured I'd bring enough shots for each of us. (She starts pouring alcohol while the camera pans to ANNE and BRADLEY cuddling and looking romantic)
JIMMY
(CHRISTINA finishes GUILLERMO's shots, he sits down in front of JIMMY's desk) We're all going to be on the floor by the end of this show.
CHRISTINA
Hey it'll make the concert after this even better!
JIMMY
You better stop winning awards soon cause six shots is a lot.
CHRISTINA
Well we can be little girls when we're dead, is how I look at it. (she finishes another shot set and passes it to ANNE who looks like she was clearly not informed of this shot taking, CHRISTINA notices ANNE's apprehension and then takes out a bottle of sprite) Don't worry I came prepared. But yeah I had so much fun at the Oscar's, I actually met my swinger there!
JIMMY
Don't tell me you have someone behind those doors that I was not made aware of as well...(she smiles and passes BRADLEY six shots)
CHRISTINA
Jimmy, you're the best.
JIMMY
(the audience laughs) Oh my God. (the door opens and out comes JARED LETO wearing a nice black suit, CHRISTINA stops pouring and gets up to give JARED a big hug and then he takes her hand and sits in her seat)
JARED
Got the best seat in the house, sweetheart. (the audience screams and CHRISTINA sits on his lap sideways, heels now on JIMMY's desk. The audience is still freaking out and now JARED is pouring the last 12 shots) Hey Jimmy.
JIMMY
...Yeah, hey Jared! Congrats on the Oscar as well! I feel woefully unprepared.
JARED
Speaking of woeful, where's my kiss, honey?
CHRISTINA
Well you were so busy talkin-(JARED reaches his hand up and pulls her head down and kisses her, not for very long, but longer than BRADLEY and ANNE did. The audience goes wild, CHRISTINA orients herself)So yeah, we're lovers now.
JIMMY
You two are lovers now.
CHRISTINA AND JARED
Yes.
JIMMY
Oh so do you guys have like cute nicknames for each other?
JARED
Oh well of course, I call her Christina-weena whenever she's being super cute that day.
JIMMY
Oh really? And Christina? What do you call Jared?
CHRISTINA
(clearly thinking on the spot) Jared? Oh loads of names...
JIMMY
What's one that stands out?
CHRISTINA
Oh you know, um, well, (looking at JARED, he's smiling) Mr. Poppers.
JIMMY
Mr. Poppers.
CHRISTINA
Yeah, that's cute.
JARED
Yeah.
JIMMY
And where did the name come from?
CHRISTINA
(coughs) Why don't I tell you after our first two shots? (the audience cheers)
JIMMY
(joking) Yeah let's clear our heads. (everyone raises their shot glasses) To the Oscars!
EVERYONE
To the Oscars! (they do their first shot with few complaints)
CHRISTINA
(holding up the Sprite) Anyone need this?
ANNE
(wiping her mouth, she holds up her hand) Yeah. (the audience laughs)
JIMMY
You good Anne? (she gives a thumbs up) Second shot, to pizza! May it always be at the Oscars.
EVERYONE
To pizza! (everyone does their second shot and there are more complaints this time)
BRADLEY
Good grief, gimme that Sprite. (he snatches it from ANNE)
JIMMY
So, Mr. Poppers came from where?
CHRISTINA
See, now with my head clear I can remember. Mr. Poppers came from that one time, we were having breakfast, cereal, Rice Krispies actually, and he said you're my snap and crackle babe and I said and your Mr. Poppers! (the audience laughs at how ridiculous that is)
JIMMY
His name is Pop!
JARED
Hey she was close enough.
JIMMY
Ok, well, what's your favorite move in bed, cause clearly you two are having a lot of sex. (the audience screams)
JARED
Oh yeah...you bet.
CHRISTINA
We love the su-su-super sammy 9000.
JIMMY
The what!?
JARED
The...super sammy 9000, yeah that one. But that story is unlocked with two more shots.
BRADLEY
Uggggggh!
JIMMY
(raising his shot glass with everyone) Uhh, to Anne being an award announcer at the Oscars!
EVERYONE
To Anne!
JIMMY
Quick, next one, next one, (everyone is groaning) blame Christina!
ANNE
DAMN YOU CHRISTINA! (the audience laughs while the soda bottle goes around)
JIMMY
No one has herpes right? Ha ha, ok, shot number four-
BRADLEY
I might die here tonight.
JIMMY
To Bradley, Jared, and Christina's oscar nomination!
EVERYONE
Yaaaaaayy...(after they finish their shots ANNE lays down on BRADLEY's lap)
ANNE
I'm dead.
JARED
(holding onto CHRISTINA) So...my cousin Sammy-
JIMMY
Oh we're doing the story now? Good..good...(the audience laughs)
JARED
Sammy had a bad brain. And he was in a mental institute and he loved superman, and one day he jumped off the top of a (giggles) building...cause he thought he was superman. And he died. (CHRISTINA and JARED have their faces hidden from camera but look as though they are laughing)
JIMMY
You guys are idiots.
CHRISTINA
(holds up another shot, drunkenly) To idiots!
JIMMY
No! (CHRISTINA is now playing with JARED'S hair) The 5th shot is to Jared's oscar!
EVERYONE BUT ANNE
To Jared! (Everyone takes their shot and ANNE just lays on BRADLEY groaning)
ANNE
Someone take my shot for me.
EVERYONE BUT GUILLERMO
No!
GUILLERMO
...I can take it.
JIMMY
We're gonna get so many calls about binge drinking dangers, to the kids, do not try this at home.
CHRISTINA
(to JIMMY about JARED's hair) Have you felt this? It's like silk.(the audience laughs and JIMMY touches it)
JIMMY
Like an angel. Hey Bradley you doing good (BRADLEY has his head back on the back on the couch, he gives JIMMY a thumbs up) Oh boy, and you two are fine?
CHRISTINA
Define fine, haha de-fine.
JARED
(laughs into CHRISTINA's chest) You're ridiculous. The final shot!
JIMMY
To Christina's oscar!
JARED, JIMMY, CHRISTINA, AND GUILLERMO
TO CHRISTINA!
JIMMY
(they take their shots and groan, CHRISTINA puts her head behind JARED) Ladies and gentlemen we're be right back so stick around!
