It's been a minute, huh?
Last off was January 2016, and SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THEN. I mean obviously.
PROFESSIONALLY
No more movies since Nolan series sadly. SNL tenure ended in 2017 with a couple of guest appearances over the past few years. Starred in Haunting on Hill House (Theo), reoccurring role in Orange is the New Black (Annalisa). Couple of guest slots of TV shows like Portlandia. Documentary Now! Dressing Funny, Barry, Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, and Broad City. Been touring every now and then with stand-up.
ROMANTICALLY
What drama. Last you heard (if you only follow this blog, which would be hilarious) I was with Alex Turner. We dated, fell in love, the whole nine yards up until June 2016. That's when things went south. Alex and I had an amazing time together, he used to watch me do ballet at Joffrey, we'd watch horrible TV together and amazing TV together (Bachelor and Lost respectively) and we had a lot of fun on that sad broken couch I refused to throw out. I truly loved him. But ... maybe I should've read the get-back-together post I did when Jules and I got back together the first time.
Here's what happened. Julian was doing a radio show called 'Culture Void' back in Spring of 2016 and I used to listen to it to make sure he wasn't talking about me or to find out what he was talking about, make sure he was okay, etc. I'm in my kitchen sitting at my dining room table with Alex and Miles Kane when he says he will be playing a new Strokes song on his radio show. Song called, 'oblivious' 'OBLIVIUS'. We three listen to the entire song and I swear, my heart dropped during it. The chorus has the same chord structure as 'Out of the Blue' the song Julian wrote for me, and sang to me back when I was still with ANDY. ANDY! SIX YEARS AGO! The words were killing me. 'What side are you standing on?' 'Get you with your pajamas on' 'Playing the new toys, looking at the sad boys' ''And we take what we hide from them, and then say, what do you want from me?' Jules always sad that Alex Turner looked like a 'sad boy' in a 'sad boy band', that for a relationship to be real you needed to see one another in your actual pajamas. That I had to choose between AM and TS. I remember sitting at that dining room table and staring at my computer. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't. He then plugged that The Strokes would be playing at the Govenors Ball music festival at Randall's Park Island. I had no intention of going before the song. But now? I had to see him. I had to confront him, I had to do something. Alex hated the idea. And he should've. If I never went to Gov Ball, I don't know if I'd be with Julian today.
I go to Gov Ball. Alone. I try and get backstage access to see Julian before the set starts and understandably I'm stopped by Albert and Nick. Nick furious I would show up and Albert playing father figure, getting me to leave. I go towards the front of the Gov Ball Stage. Haim is playing, it's raining and I see him. He's on the side of the stage, watching his former drummer Danielle Haim perform. While he's nodding along to the music, he finally notices me and is taken aback. He leaves the stage and I see him exit the VIP section and enter the muddy fray. He goes up to me,
JULIAN
What're you doing here?
CHRISTINA
I had to see you. I had to, I'm sorry.
JULIAN
Where's Alex?
CHRISTINA
[pause] I don't know.
JULIAN
Come on, let's get out of the rain.
We went inside. We talked briefly. I told him the truth. That I could never not love him. That I'm a fuck-up. That he should hate me as I hated myself. He was angry. Said that we couldn't keep doing this on and off bullshit. That he deserved someone who would stay. I go to leave and he kisses me. He tells me that he hates that he loves me. But he can't help it. We have sex in a closet. The Strokes perform and afterwards we go back to his new apartment. Two bedroom, two bath. Open kitchen. Hardwood floors. Floor to ceiling windows. $5,500/month. Airplane seating. Midtown Manhattan, 38th/8th. The itchiest carpet to ever exist on the planet. Record player. Flat-screen TV. (Does not-flat-screen exist?). We eat food on that itchy carpet. We had sex on that itchy carpet. We must've stayed up that entire night, ignoring phone calls from obligations, people thinking we had vanished, Strokes' members knowingly pissed at Julian for ditching them for a chick. I didn't care. I was selfish. I wanted it all.
I return to California to face Alex. I return home to a sushi platter in the shape of a heart and about a million roses. My heart breaks further. I can't do it. I say I need to go on a trip. SNL reunion. I lie. I go to Le Mans, France and meet up with Julian. We watch the 24 Hours Le Mans Formula 1 race, our car wins, we're in the pit and it's loud but exciting. We start getting antsy and head up to Oslo, Norway for what can only be explained as the greatest week of my life. We go to museums, zoo's, our hotel room was so futuristic and masculine and dark, we boat, we have a private 11 course dinner for two and get hammered, we even zip-lined down the ski jump from the Winter Olympics. We were so in love. I remember the sun and the water and the music.
We returned back to reality. I still hadn't broken up with Alex. Not technically. I finally break down to him and tell him that I cheated on him with Julian in Europe. He doesn't believe me. I show him pictures of our trip. He still doesn't believe me and leaves. He goes on tour with the Last Shadow Puppets and gets heckled on stage, starts performing belligerently. I visit him in Chicago on July 28th, 2016 with Julian. He comments that if he went with me to Gov Ball, things would be different. I agree. Alex backs off, though continues to defend me in interviews. Saying that I'm lying to make him seem like the victim so that people will pity him and be more sympathetic to him and resent me. I cheated on him. This happened. I don't know why I'd lie about this and make myself out to be this asshole. I promise you, universe, I am that asshole.
Julian and I move into a new apartment in New York City with his two dogs and things stay calm and cool and collected for a while ... we were happy in that apartment together from August 2016 - July 2017. Almost a full year of nothing but love, we even got engaged. It wasn't until The Voidz started revving up that the craziness started again, but this time I wasn't running. I had to stop running. I followed Jules to LA to record 'Virture' as well as to all performances I could (hell of a tour) as long as I wasn't filming. We end up returning to the LA house, which was previously being rented on AirBnB when we were in NYC. I hadn't spoken to The Strokes' members in years. I figured they hated me. I figured right.
The Strokes started doing shows again in Spring 2017, mostly in South America and Jules did that by himself. I was filming OITNB then so I was busy in New York. They didn't perform again for two years so I figured I could ignore them but with this new comeback tour ... I had to face my once-friends. To be honest, I missed them like I missed family. I don't have family, so this was the closest to it. They were like brothers to me, Nick and I were especially close and I think I hurt him the most. The Strokes had a show in LA, May 2019, then onto Canada, England, Poland, Spain, France and back stateside to Chicago. I didn't want to exacerbate the problem between myself and them further so I just met them when they performed in LA. 'Met them', lord. I explained myself, they seemed justifiably pissed, justifiably annoyed with Julian for backsliding into his idiot ex and put a ring on it. We got along better at Lollapalooza in Chicago, it's a work in progress.
Some of my faves over the years --
From Kimmel show
